NEVER MIND -- Charges of steroid use vehemently denied by 6-foot-4, 250-lb. Chinese women's swimmer Li Yung, who became so incensed at questioning that she ripped diving platform from its cement mooring. Li later admitted she was close to signing with NFL's Kansas City Chiefs, although decried plan to move her from tight end to outside linebacker.
DREAM TEAM UPDATE -- While helping USA nip Spain, 644-22, Attica-bound Charles Barkley warned by refs for biting the ear off Spanish forward and eating it. Next Dream Team opponent: Batavia, N.Y., chapter of Sweet Adelines.
WHO NEEDS COSBY? -- Following ratings success of equestrian, with shot after shot of horses crashing, NBC planning new fall show about dogs left in sweltering cars at supermarket while their owners shop.
SWEETHEART, GET ME REWRITE -- On heels of USA boxer Eric Griffin's controversial computer-scored loss to Spanish boxer, Madrid now claims a check of computer records indicates Spain actually WON the Spanish-American War. Spain also denies involvement in 1898 explosion aboard U.S. battleship Maine, claiming all 260 servicemen aboard voluntarily screamed "BOOM!" and then jumped overboard and drowned.
Each weekday through the end of the Olympics, humor columnist Kevin Cowherd will provide news and views about the games -- as seen from his sofa.