* What They Don't Know Will Hurt Them Award: To school board membersCheryl McFalls, Anne Ballard and Joseph Mish, who say that having teachers inform students about such issues as birth control and AIDS "usurps parental authority." Egged on by eight vocal parents, they voted against distributing in high schools a "teen health card" informingstudents that free condoms are available and that, under state law, parental permission is not required to receive services.
* Gilgamess Award: To Carroll school board members who initially pulled Herbert Mason's translation of "The Epic of Gilgamesh" from high school English classes because of a sexual reference. After English teacher Dottie Farley appealed the removal, the board voted 3-2 to return the epic to the classroom.
* Rules are Rules Award: To Carroll educators, for suspending from Westminster Elementary School two kindergarten students who passed prescription medicine while riding a bus. The 5-year-old girls were suspended for two days.
* Desert Storm Paranoia Award: To Carroll and Frederick educators, for canceling field trips to Baltimore and Washington during the height of the Persian Gulf war because for fear of reprisals in the metropolitan area.
* I Dream of Jeannie Award: To Representative Beverly B. Byron, D-6th, who was detained for several hours by Saudi Arabian cultural police, who said her pants were too tight.
* Tony Orlando Award: To the myriad of countians who tiedbig yellow ribbons around trees, mailboxes, car antennas, sideview mirrors and door handles to show support for troops in the Persian Gulf. County merchants quickly sold out of the ribbons and had trouble restocking.
* What's in a Number Award: To the Westminster Post Office and C & P Telephone Co., for giving many residents a new ZIP codeand new area code. Westminster grew so big that half the city's 21157 ZIP codes rose to 21158. At the same time, because Maryland has grown rapidly, it was split into two area codes: while most countians took on the new 410, Mount Airy-area residents -- used to being different -- retained the old 301.
* What's in a Name Award: To the latest owners of Westminster's Winchester Exchange. After changing owners several more times this past year, the Max brothers decided to changethe name from Sherwood Square, hoping that will help put the mini-mall's troubled past behind it.
* They Won't Let Me Retire Award: ToTaneytown Manager Neal Powell, who's tried since last July to retire. The City Council has yet to find a replacement who will take the job, which Powell continues to fill until a successor is chosen -- perhaps by July 1992.
* I'm No Mattador Award: To retired state policelieutenant Jerry E. Gooding, who was attacked by a 2,000-pound hornless bull in May after stopping to help a farmer who was trying to corral a loose horse. The retired trooper did not know the bull was loose until it knocked him down and started banging him around; Gooding suffered extensive bruising and broken ribs.
* Your Vote Does CountAward: To Robert Kolodziejski, who won a seat on the Manchester TownCouncil as a write-in candidate, thanks to an aggressive door-to-door campaign.
* I Do Award: To the 69.2 percent of wedded countians,who give Carroll the highest concentration of married-couple families in the state.
* Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Award: To Philip F. Hertz, hired as Westminster city manager by one council in February andfired by the new council some four months later.
* Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Award: To Robert Moton Elementary Principal Curtis T. Schnorr, who shaved off his mustache for students in June, fulfilling his promise to give up the mustache he'd had for 20 years if students met their reading goals.
* How Big Is It Award: To Mary and John Smith of New Windsor, whose 144-foot sycamore is the largest in the state.
* Carroll Scissorhands Award: To the Carroll County Budget Office, for trimming and trimming and trimming and trimming the budget.
* Masters of Disaster Award: To former Sykesville Council members Charles B. Mullins, Maxine C. Wooleyhand and Charles H. "Tim" Ferguson, for nearly killing last February the Raincliffe Center deal, whichis projected to increase the town's tax base by 25 percent.
* Come from Out of Nowhere Award: To Mount Airy dairy farmer C. William Knill, who defeated the incumbent president and first vice president tobecome president of the Maryland Farm Bureau at the group's annual convention last month. Knill planned to run for the first vice president's seat, but was persuaded to run for the top spot. His competitiondidn't even know he was running until he was nominated from the floor.
* I Can Tell You Anything You Want to Know about Mining Award: To K. Marlene Conaway, assistant director of the county Department ofPlanning, who has presided at meetings about a county mining plan for a year. She -- and her staff -- probably know the location of everysinkhole in the county.
* I Have Nightmares about Mining MeetingsAward: To Linda Cunfer of New Windsor, who also has attended just about every mining meeting in the last year. She -- and other members of the New Windsor Community Action Project -- probably know where every bit of mineral in Carroll soil is located.
* Golden Plunger Award: To the town of Union Bridge, whose sewer line is clogged with underwear at least once a week.
* Get Your Seasons Right Award: To the county Department of Transportation, which sent a snow plow out to Route 140 the day the schools closed early for a September heat wave.
* Golden Rule Award: To the 1,800 students at Westminster's East and West middle schools, for raising $4,000 to provide gifts to 16 children who lost parents in the September fire at a Hamlet, N.C., foodprocessing plant.
* What Does it Take to Win the Pitcher of the Year Award: To Taneytown Cardinals pitcher Bryan Harman, overlooked asPitcher of the Year in the South Penn Baseball League despite owninga 7-0 regular season record with a stingy 1.34 earned-run average. He also was 3-0 in the playoffs to help lead the Cards to their secondconsecutive league title.
* Give Him a Shot in the Pros Award: ToWestern Maryland College football standout Eric Frees. Although setting a plethora of school, conference state and national rushing records, some feel the 5-foot, 8-inch running back is too small to play professionally. He should play football somewhere next year.
* Sooner or Later the Law of Averages Will Catch Up with You Award: To the Turbos of the Freedom Optimist Lacrosse League. The Turbos had gone 9-0 to win their division in the youth loop last spring, beating divisional foe Palmerre Building three times. But things caught up with theTurbos in the post-season championship game when their winning streak was ended -- by Palmerre Building.
* What a Wonderful Way To Climax Our Memorable First Year Award: To Mayeski Park. Winfield residents always will remember last year's inaugural youth football season in the newly opened football section of Mayeski Park, site of the Carroll County Football League's super bowl league championships. But they may have trouble forgetting the three Carroll teams in those games were swept by Baltimore County squads.
* It Seems We Should Have Done a Little Better Than This Award: To the Carroll teams in the Amateur Softball Association's State Church Tournament. The nine teams inthe tourney, run last July at the Carroll County Sports Complex, included six from Carroll County. It seemed likely that at least one would contend for the title. But the six went a combined 0-7 against theother three squads, which were from Salisbury.
* Know When To Fold 'Em Award: To Griffith Auto Park Manager Cliff Yeager. Immersed in near triple-digit August heat, with his players dropping out and losing 27-11 in the sixth inning against Vee's Tees, the Griffith skipperhad seen enough, even though the game was for the South Carroll Athletic Association postseason softball championship. He stepped across the first base foul line and forfeited.
* Why Can't November Last Forever Award: To the Freedom Strikers. The under-12 boys soccer teamhad a November to remember in which it won two tournaments and the Carroll County Boys Soccer league title. But the magic abruptly faded Dec. 1 when the Strikers played for the Reisterstown Tournament under-12 crown. They were blanked, 2-0.
* Jekyll and Hyde Award: To certain Carroll and Howard County girls softball teams. On June 16, Howard squads swept all four National Softball Association state girls championships. But the very next week, three Carroll teams whom Howard had beaten out in the NSA's, won girls Amateur Softball Association state titles and the four Howard teams were all second or lower.
* Snowball's Chance Award: To everybody in the Carroll County Women's Volleyball League except the Waves. The Waves rolled to both regular and post-season league this year. The only regular season loss was by forfeit. The Pennsylvania-based squad finally lost once in the post-season championship match against Maggies, but still won the set, 3-1,to go 38-2 for the year.
* Where Did They Get That Name From Award: This prestigious trophy goes to the team nickname that shows the most originality and leaves the most people confused over why anybody would ever want to use it. This year's winner is Why Ask Why?, which competed in the South Carroll Athletic Association's fall softball league. A close second goes to Something Salty, which plays in the Carroll County Men's Volleyball League, famous for mangled monikers.
*Show Some Compassion Award: To officials of the state cross county committee, who disqualified eight runners in the Class 1A boys race, the first race of the day in this years state championships at WesternMaryland College. At least one official admitted the turn in question on the course was poorly marked, and race officials even said in a coaches' meeting that the day would be a learning experience for all involved. A few moments later, the eight were disqualified for missing the turn by a couple of inches.
* Share and Share Alike Award: To the Charles Carroll Recreation Council and the Carroll County Men'sSoftball League, which have been sniping for two years now about playing time at the Carroll County Sports Complex. The men's league is able to share fields with youth programs in Westminster and Manchesterwith no acrimony, but for some reason is not able to do so at the complex.
* You Deserve Better Than This Award: To members of the county's Recreation and Parks Department, who have to referee the silly fight for scheduling time at the complex.
* Squeaky Wheel Gets theGrease Award: To citizens who complained to the county commissionersabout a proposed delay in construction of tot lots at two county elementary schools. Despite a hiring freeze, possible furloughs and layoffs of county employees and massive budget cuts, the commissioners relented and spent the more than $20,000 appropriated for the projects.