When Jennifer Morales Vitale's classic bridal gown was stolen from her car only a few days before her wedding, she thought the loss of this precious family heirloom spelled nothing less than the end of the world.
And while Cameron Barry loves her husband dearly, she will never forget the anxiety he caused her when he showed up late for their wedding.
Kathleen Cahill was halfway to her honeymoon at a West Virginia mountain resort when she suddenly had to rush her groom to the hospital, fearful he was suffering a heart attack.
Along with being happily married today, these women share one other thing in common: As brides, they were victims of an alarming nuptial version of Murphy's Law, which says that if anything can possibly go wrong at a wedding, it will.
Yet all three managed to survive their near-disasters, and somehow managed to skirt catastrophe at the last moment. Along the way, of course, they also learned a valuable lesson about the tricky art of getting married.
They learned that when it comes to walking down the aisle, "attitude" is everything.
Take Mrs. Morales Vitale, for example. She says the theft of her priceless gown almost two years ago taught her the real meaning of marriage. "I learned that losing the gown didn't matter," says Mrs. Morales Vitale, the vice president of World Travel Associates Ltd., a Timonium travel agency. "A wedding is a big party, and you're with family and friends. And we have a good story to tell our children."
Cameron Barry says her 1988 wedding brought her face to face with every bride's worst nightmare: being stood up on her wedding day. A half-hour before the ceremony was supposed to begin, her fiance was still a no-show. "Nerves got in the way," recalls Ms. Barry, a Baltimore public relations and marketing expert. "I refused to get dressed because I had convinced myself my fiance wouldn't show up because he didn't love me."
Twenty minutes later -- after escaping a massive traffic jam -- her husband-to-be finally arrived. For Ms. Barry, it was time for an attitude adjustment. "When he showed up, I made a conscious choice: It was my wedding, I adored him and I wouldn't let my wedding be spoiled," she says today. The result? Although a half-hour late, the wedding was a roaring success.
Kathleen Cahill is relieved to report that her new husband didn't suffer a heart attack in the hours following their May 1990 wedding. "Luckily, it was only pleurisy, an infection in the lining of the ribs," says Ms. Cahill, a Baltimore attorney. "He got some medicine at the hospital and we were home the next afternoon. As it turns out, it was a great honeymoon."
While these three worst-case scenarios sound a bit alarming, brides-to-be need not hit the panic-button: With just a bit of planning and an occasional "attitude check," most weddings should be safe from the worst ravages of Murphy's Law.
But what about the smaller mishaps that can provoke nail-biting and anxiety on and around the big day? While maintaining a positive attitude is always important, you can also take some practical steps to minimize the risks of the unexpected.
Let's start with the simple matter of getting to the church on time.
"I call it the Case of the Phantom Limousine," says Alex Karas, the owner of Karas-Alexander Studios in Baltimore and a 20-year veteran of the wedding business. "At 11 o'clock in the morning, the bride is standing in the door waiting for the limo to show. Then it's 10 after, 20 after . . . "
What happens next? In a frenzy, the harried bride calls the limo service only to get a recorded message: The number you have dialed is no longer in service.
"So instead of showing up for the wedding in a fashionable stretch, she jumps in the back of Dad's Chevy II for the trip to the church," says Mr. Karas.
He goes on to point out that there are several ways to avoid contracting with a "phantom" limousine service. First, he recommends visiting several limo rental companies before signing a contract.
"Even if they work out of their home, look at how they live," advises Mr. Karas. "Do they have a backup car? Ask to see their Public Service Commission six-month vehicle inspection report. And pay with a credit card. That way you have recourse if the operator is unscrupulous."
Sometimes, however, the problems begin when certain people do manage to make it to the wedding: the sort of obnoxious revelers who quickly earn the title of "Guests From Hell."
Don't laugh. Many engaged and newlywed couples say it's not a trivial problem. For example, Scott Broom reports his wife-to-be broke down in tears when told that a certain married couple -- friends of her parents -- would be at their wedding, held in Aspen, Colo., last May.
"The Guests From Hell couldn't have been more obnoxious," recalls Mr. Broom, the environmental reporter for WMAR-TV (Channel 2). "The guy wore black knee socks and plaid Bermuda shorts and never said anything in low volume -- the ultimate Ugly American. His wife cackled at his awful jokes in a high-pitched voice."
His wife's fear that the loud-mouthed guests would ruin their wedding day, however, was unfounded. "It was OK. They were comic relief," says Mr. Broom. "My advice is, don't sweat the Guests From Hell. If it's a good party, nobody will notice."
Unfortunately, sometimes you can't spot a Guest From Hell until it's too late. Mary Ann Gray was enjoying her wedding reception until Uncle Mike came up to say hi.
"He knelt down next to me," recalls Ms. Gray, who was seated and had yet to change out of her wedding gown. "Then I smelled something burning."
It was her dress.
"His cigarette was burning a hole in my gown," she says. "When I pointed it out to him, Uncle Mike's first reaction was to throw his martini on it." Ms. Gray, the marketing director for Maryland Family Magazine, escaped without injury. The dress was ruined.
Of course, there is one effective way to deal with obnoxious -- and potentially obnoxious -- guests: Don't invite them. But if your parents are footing the bill, that's not always easy, according to one Baltimore wedding professional.
"Invitation lists are the kiss of death," warns Carol Westerlund, the owner of Larkspur, a Baltimore floral design firm. "Everyone gets along fine until you start writing the guest list."
Usually, Ms. Westerlund says, brides and their parents argue the most over who should be invited.
Unfortunately, Ms. Westerlund can offer little in the way of guidance to help avoid guest-list squabbles. "Just be ready for it," she advises. "I warn my customers to go over the list quickly and move on to something else. The guest list is tough."
You can ensure maxium nuptial tranquillity with some judicious planning that will eliminate another all-too-common predicament at wedding receptions.
The problem goes like this: The best man offers a champagne toast to the new bride and groom. But the bubbly stuff has been poured only at the head table -- leaving the baffled guests with empty wineglasses for the toast to the newlyweds.
"It happens all the time," says Ron Leaverton, who as the owner of Disc Jockey Enterprises has had the misfortune to attend a lot of poorly managed wedding receptions. "And it's not funny. It's embarrassing."
To avoid this faux pas, Mr. Leaverton advises the bride and groom to choose someone they have confidence in to coordinate the reception. He suggests that you pick a trusted relative or hire an experienced master of ceremonies.
Judicious planning, however, won't help much if the weather doesn't cooperate. Just ask Liz O'Neill.
After weeks of preparing for a gorgeous outdoor wedding reception at Waverly, an 18th century mansion in Marriottsville that's listed in the National Register of Historic Places, she awoke on her big day to a torrential downpour.
"The ground was so wet the chairs were sinking into the mud," recalls Ms. O'Neill, a veteran reporter and anchor for WBAL-TV, (Channel 11). "A lot of the guests were late because of the rain. Luckily, we had a tent, but at the last minute we had to bring in a dance floor."
Today, she laughs about the near-disaster. "I was wearing 3-inch heels that still have marks on them from the mud!"
Of course, there is a way to avoid all the stress, tension and the maddening, if minor, mishaps that are likely to occur with a traditional wedding, reception and honeymoon.
Elope!
"Eleven years ago, my husband-to-be and I went to Lake Tahoe to go skiing, but there wasn't any snow when we got there," says Rudy Miller, editor of Maryland Family Magazine and a co-anchor on WMAR-TV (Channel 2). "So we got married."
As a spur-of-the-moment wedding, the ceremony was decidedly a "no-frills" event.
"We happened to be the first customers of the Right Rev. John Wayne Jones, who had just set up shop," recalls Ms. Miller, laughing. "The wedding chapel was called 'The Chapel of the Trailer,' or something like that. It looked like one of those roadside fruit stands."
But Ms. Miller and her husband, Chuck Allen, did insist on at least one of the traditional customs that accompany most weddings.
"We have a wedding picture," she wryly notes.
"Just one."
Like millions of brides before her, Ms. Miller long ago learned a vital fact about marriage: What matters most is what happens in the months and years after you take those vows.