Cosmic Cocktail in 2 weeks: Get your ticket today before they sell out.

How about a cure for cancer?Bills coach...


How about a cure for cancer?

Bills coach Marv Levy, trying to put all the praise for his team in perspective: "We haven't invented the Salk vaccine."

What does he think about instant replay?

Judge Clarence Thomas, revealing in his confirmation hearing that he roots for the Cowboys, said the officials are biased in the Cowboys-Redskins games: "I am totally convinced that every referee in those games is a Redskin fan, but none of them would admit."

:. No word on the refs' views on natural law.

Stuff you don't get in Liz Smith's column

The word in Los Angeles is that Rams owner Georgia Frontiere is unhappy that coach John Robinson's second wife, Linda, is making the social whirl and taking the limelight away from Frontiere.

Frontiere likes to be in the center of attention, and, in the team's media guide, it is reported that "she presided over the restructuring of the Rams defense."

At a luncheon, she then introduced new defensive coordinator Jeff Fisher as "our offensive coordinator" and secondary coach Tom Bettis as "Tom Beetles."

A little bit of a hold

Giants LB Carl Banks on how teams hold teammate Lawrence Taylor: "I've heard the referee tell him, 'Well, he just held you a little bit.' He's almost a victim of his own greatness. It's like being a little bit pregnant. Either you're pregnant or you're not."

A reply from Bears coach Mike Ditka: "Gee, he's the only guy in the league to get held. This is interesting. I saw a couple of guys trying to mug Charles Haley of San Francisco, and he's a skinny guy, too. They mugged our Richard Dent. Everybody gets mugged. Bruce Smith gets mugged. Hey, when you're paid a million dollars, you're supposed to get mugged."

General Mike

Ditka has a new Operation Ditka Storm poster out in which he's dressed in full Desert Storm uniform at a podium pointing toward an easel with the Bears' schedule with the headline: "1991 Central Division Attack."

He sounds mean again

Joe Greene wasn't in a mood to be tossing his jersey to a kid in a Coke commercial (the league probably has a rule against that now anyway) last week.

Infuriated by the Steelers' 52-34 loss to the Bills, Greene, now a Pittsburgh assistant coach, said in a bylined article in the team's weekly newspaper: "There were times when I was playing that the guys cared about nothing but winning. They didn't care about the kind of car they drove or the house they lived in."

He might have been referring to former Steelers LB Jack Lambert, who used to drive a pickup with a sign on the back: "I don't brake for liberals." Nor for anyone else.

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