RACE AT A GLANCE: Eight brown horses chase each other 1 3/16ths miles in frenzied effort to stave off inevitable employment in some seedy local circus.

TODAY'S PROFILE: Corporate Report. Forlorn-looking horse trained by motor mouth Wayne Lukas, who denies his entry was seen last week pulling a plow on an Amish farm in Pennsylvania.

FALSE ALARM: Authorities summoned to Old Hilltop to investigate remains of ex-Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa,

supposedly found buried under Stall 26. Turned out to be an old harness.

INFIELD UPDATE: Preakness infield now officially under auspices of Federal Witness Protection Program, since so many people enter crowd and are never seen again.

PEP TALK?: Olympio trainer Ron McAnally to his horse: "Listen, I saw Secretariat run. I worked with Secretariat. And believe me, you're no Secretariat."

JOCKEY GARY STEVENS' DIET TIPS: "Properly sliced, a turnip can provide five or six wholesome meals."

THIS DATE IN PREAKNESS HISTORY: Talk show sidekick Ed McMahon forcibly removed from 1987 race when he appears riding one of Budweiser Clydesdales.