The advance word on "Nothing But Trouble" was that it was bad. The reports were totally accurate. The film is bad, truly bad. The only interesting things about it are the sets. The movie had to have cost a bundle, beginning with the salaries, and all of it went for nothing.
The blame rests on Dan Aykroyd, who did the direction and wrote the script, one that is based on a story by Peter Aykroyd, Dan's brother, who must have been raised on the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" movies.
That's what the new film plays like, a comedy version of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" films. That, at least, was the goal. If there is a laugh here, it goes by unnoticed.
The plot has Chevy Chase and Demi Moore making the wrong turn on their way to Atlantic City. They are arrested for speeding in Valkenvania, which is run by an evil old judge who puts most of his victims to death.
Yes, death, in what looks like a fun house. That is, it was a fun house.
Aykroyd, apparently willing to compound this felony, plays the wart-covered, liver-spotted judge. He also plays a roly-poly mutant twin that looks as though it was spawned by one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
According to the credits, the second of these is played by John Daveikis, who also designed the costumes. Well, if you design these things, it is only fair that you be required to wear one of them.
"Nothing But Trouble" is the kind of film that should have gone directly to cable where the viewer can can stop it when he tires of it, and that should be very soon.
John Candy also plays two roles. He is the policeman who arrests those people silly enough to travel through this town, and he is the granddaughter of the judge, a mute, obese individual who takes a liking to Chris (Chase). As the policeman, Candy looks more than a little embarrassed.
Chase does what he can, even when he is dumped, alive, on a pile of bones. The film won't, however, help his career. It won't help Moore's, either. It's a good thing "Ghost" is still around.
Some members of the audience laughed when Aykroyd, as the judge, ate a hot dog as a pig might at a trough. This was the sort of stuff John Belushi did, and it obviously didn't die with him.
Oh, yes, at one point, Chase, trying to escape his captors, puts his foot in a bedpan. Earlier, two escapees swim a river of fecal flow, and later we are treated to the sound of flatulence. Talk about wit. Talk about fun. This movie has it all.
Throughout the film, Moore, Chase and others say, "Let's get of here." A good idea, for them and the audience. "Nothing But Trouble" is nothing at all. The most amazing thing about it is that it actually runs for 93 minutes.
The film is showing at local theaters.
"Nothing But Trouble"
(No stars) A woman lawyer and her escort speed through the wrong New England town and are brought to "justice" for their crime.
CAST: Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy
DIRECTOR: Dan Aykroyd
RATING: PG-13 (language, violence)
RUNNING TIME: 93 minutes