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OLD ST. PAT PRESENTS HIS GOOD-NATURED GIFTS

THE BALTIMORE SUN

It's that glorious time of the year again when county sports types are paid a visit by ol' St. Pat. Not St. Nick, but St. Pat. He's the Santa Claus with the Shamrocks on the side of his big sled and the Budweiser Clydesdales, not reindeer, pulling it.

Since we are not publishing Christmas Day, you are getting your Christmas stockings early, sports fans. St. Pat has been checking his list, checking it twice, to see who's been naughty or nice. And it must be noted his individual gifts are all in good fun.

Some of the gifts may be inside jokes, but you regular readers should be able to figure them out. And if you can't, just give me a call on the 24-hour Sportsline, 647-2499, and I will be sure to explain.

Now let's roll with our exclusive 1990 Christmas list:

* John Brady, Annapolis basketball coach -- an "expand-o-matic" coaching box, now that he's reached the 300 milestone.

* Wayne Mook, Severna Park basketball coach -- a book on "What to Do When the Other Team Throws Up A Zone Defense" and another 10-year contract, so he will have time to work out the kinks in his "Run and Sink" offense.

* Oliver Wittig, Severna Park principal -- a promise from Mook that he will paint not only the teacher's lounge this year, but also the entire building if he wants.

* Brad Wilson, North County rookie basketball coach who has started off 0-6 -- a chance to reconsider the assistant job at Annapolis he was going to take had he not accepted the North County head position. And somehow, someway, a victory out there.

* William "Fabian" Wentworth, North County principal who hired Wilson as hoops coach because of his 4A experience as an assistant at Meade -- for someone to tell him that athletic director Mike Baker, head girls basketball coach Sally Entsminger, baseball coach Dennie DeWitt, boys soccer coach Steve Malone and boys lacrosse coach Paul Shea have no previous 4A experience.

* Chuck Markiewicz, North County head football coach who, when leaving as Meade coach, told his players that he was going to North County to find out if it was his coaching that wins games -- confirmation that it is, indeed, his great coaching ability and not the players that have made him the living legend he is.

* Gerald Moore, Arundel hoops coach -- open enrollment, so he can keep his AAU summer team together year-round.

* Jim Sheehan, St. Mary's basketball coach who didn't have time to talk to reporters after his Saints lost Monday night to Annapolis -- a basketball schedule that doesn't interfere with the Christmas parties he has to attend to maintain his social status.

* Butch Young, Meade basketball coach -- a carton of Camels and a dart board with a certain ex-principal's face on it.

* Boris Beck, Broadneck's 7-foot-2 German transfer student/athlete -- a Volkswagen commercial just like Wilt, now that he's had so much TV exposure.

* Kenny Dunn, South River boys basketball coach and assistant football coach at Annapolis -- instead of single games, home-and-home games with Sts. Peter and Paul and Epworth Christian, schools that are major parts of their cupcake schedule. And name badges, so he will know which school he is coaching on a given night.

* Roy Brown, Annapolis football coach, and his offensive coordinator, Billy Phebus -- a session with Jack Pardee, the Houston Oilers coach of the run-and-shoot offense, and to add someone from Southern as an assistant to go with Kenny Dunn, so he will have the south covered. And for someone to say "yes" when he again asks, "Will you marry me?"

* Board of Education -- the "Boo of the Year" and "Nice Try Award" after its attempt to save money at the expense of our kids playing recreation sports by cutting custodian overtime and thereby closing the schools on weekends. Also, a recommendation that they save money by looking deep and cutting a lot of high-paid dead wood within the system.

* Delegate Michael Busch, who is also a county Recreation and Parks athletic supervisor -- to be able to convince his constituents that he actually does work for Rec and Parks.

* Rec and Parks Mail Department -- Sunday morning collections at local churches, so they won't have to send out forms to rec coaches with 20 cents postage due.

* Jay Cuccia, assistant to the Recreation and Parks director -- now that he's had his kid's picture in the newspaper, a photo of his wife, Gretta, relaxing at Quiet Farms.

* Andy Borland, Severna Park football coach and athletic director -- a visitors' lounge, so opposing basketball teams won't have to wait in the hallway for 25 minutes between the boys and girls games. Also, a team picture of his football players without their helmets, so he can recognize players who harass reporters and opposing coaches during Falcons' home games.

* County Supporters of Sportsmanship as Top Priority in high school sports this year -- to be told that all their signs and emphasis on a problem that wasn't there has resulted in a brawl at one school, with fans and players involved, and other schools allowing their fans to sit behind opponents' benches, thereby leaving themselves open to trouble.

* County Youth Football Coaches Association -- to come to their senses and realize that having three different weights for a so-called weight class (regular, older-lighter and younger-heavier) is absolutely ridiculous.

* County Recreation and Parks Department -- to get off their duffs and implement an ID photo card for athletes that could be used for all sports as a bona fide eligibility check, and to start getting a little more involved in youth programs, instead of letting the coaches -- who deal in politics and personalities -- run the programs.

* Tom Albright, Southern boys basketball coach -- proof that the guys who referee his home games in Harwood aren't his relatives.

* Eisenhower golf pro William Molloy, Jr. -- this gift from member Chuck Pearce, who is from the Peninsula Athletic League organization -- a personality and the book "How To Win Friends and Influence People."

* Dan Krimmelbein, North County assistant soccer and basketball coach -- lunch for two, dessert included, at Leon's in Baltimore.

* Max Kisner, sometimes boxing promoter -- a comeback with dinner and boxing at Dinkum's (formerly Cedar Room) in Brooklyn Park and for at least two fighters to show up.

* Greg Arnold, alias Nuke Laloosh of Bull Durham fame and ex-Orioles' minor league pitcher in addition to being a well-known crooner -- a comeback in the Florida seniors league, provided there is no curfew and he can sing the National Anthemn before games.

* Bernie Walter, athletic director and baseball coach at Arundel High -- a weekend for two at the Latrino Hotel in Havana, Cuba, where he immensely enjoyed himself this summer coaching the Team USA 18 and under team in the World Tournament.

* Hayse Henderson, Meade football coach -- a permission slip to get rid of the wishbone and headphones that play only rap music.

* Teresa Ross, rookie girls hoop coach at Annapolis -- not to be influenced by such Panther bad apples as Brady and Brown.

* Leon Walters and Gary Bater, Old Mill cross country and track coaches -- handout job descriptions.

* Broadneck High -- never mind.

* Frank "Jocko" Svoboda, veteran umpire -- his own Flea Market.

* Football marching bands -- pocket reminders to get off the field when they are supposed to.

* Buddy Beardmore, Anne Arundel C.C. athletic director -- permission to induct himself in the Pioneers' Hall of Fame next year.

* Carol Taylor, AACC volleyball coach -- another great season.

* Tom "Vinnie" Florestano, AACC prez -- a grant to write his memoirs just like Jimbo Lighthizer the day he leaves the Arnold campus, but for his to only cost 73-bucks.

* Dr. Anthony Pappas, dean of students at AACC -- permission to buy lunch for Florestano since he makes more money.

* Alan Pastrana, former football coach at AACC -- a flag football team.

* All Soccer Wallies -- a scoreless triple OT, now that's excitement.

To everyone, Happy Christmas, not merry, Happy, and Happy New Year.

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