WANTED: Traveling Bard to provide inspiration at an office in need of musical enlightenment.

The qualified candidate will possess his/her own lyre and must be versed in ancient Greek poetry. Voice must be soft and lilting. Minstrels a plus but not necessary.

Added consideration will be given to those who have a whimsical view of Howard County happenings and various news events that shape the daily lives of those who work in the county mainstream.

We offer an excellent benefits package and pleasant working conditions, but no pay. The job will be rewarding to those whose mission is to use music as an inspirational force in the modern-day office structure.

Are there any bards out there who read newspapers? Every office could use a light-hearted minstrel or two, to offset the pressure moments and the doldrums we all face.

People crave music as a background to their lives, especially in an office. But nowadays, it's always done with Muzak dental-office music and the headphones that look like the listener is going through shock treatment from a portable unit.

It's the false silence that bugs me the most. You sit there and hear the rattling of computer keyboards, phone rings that sound more like fire alarms and the strange "beeps" of electronic terminals. Surely, somewhere, there must be a musician with a light-hearted flare who wishes to sing for the office crowd?

I was just kidding about the ancient Greek thing. We can do without it.

But I would like someone who can do those old medieval bard songs as well as some Jimmy Buffet, Donna Summer and some of the lighter Sonny and Cher stuff.

Also, I think the qualified bard of today should have a thorough knowledge of the Beatles, country music and those songs Elvis used to sing to close his shows. Some of the old Paul Anka tunes are really essential, too, I should think.

While Frank Sinatra is a personal favorite of mine, I think he is perhaps not well-suited for a day-time office. Especially in suburbia, where I think the urban subject matter of his songs may be a trifle misplaced.

Copyright © 2020, The Baltimore Sun, a Baltimore Sun Media Group publication | Place an Ad