HOPE you're planning on attending Sunday night's "TwinPeaks"do.
Everybody, but everybody is going to be there. After all, the last time David Lynch directed one of these soirees, he had that dwarf dancing in the dream sequence. Surely you remember? It was all the talk last season.
This year's special two-hour return of the ABC show starts at 9 Sunday night on Channel 13 (WJZ) -- after that, the weekly gatherings will be on Saturdays at 10 p.m. If you haven't attended any of these affairs and are afraid that you just won't knowanybody, don't worry about it. Most of the people who have been to every one don't have the faintest idea what's going on, either.
Certainly that handsome FBI agent Dale Cooper will make an appearance. You heard, of course, that he survived those shots to his chest with a bulletproof vest, though we still don't know who shot him. It seems as if Agent Cooper has been in town for months, but actually it's only been about a week since that poor Laura Palmer was found murdered.
Or was she? There are those who think her nearly identical cousin Madeline Ferguson, who suddenly showed up in town, is actually Laura in disguise. Their theory has something to do with the name of that murdered Myna bird Waldo and the plot of the old movie "Laura." It involves switched identities and the name of the killer. Don't worry about it. In any case, a lot of people think that Agent Cooper will make some real progress toward solving the mysterySunday -- that's reason enough for showing up.
And we do want to know what happens to the beautiful Audrey Horne. Last we saw of her, she was about to make her debut in the world's oldest profession, and her first customer was to be none other than her father. That would be unscrupulous Twin Peaks businessman Benjamin Horne, owner of town's big lodge, the Great Northern Hotel.
Audrey was working over the Canadian border -- it's only five miles away from Twin Peaks -- at the gambling and girls club One-Eyed Jacks. Looks like a gold letter from one of the One-Eyed Jacks chips is what they found under Laura's fingernail when they did her autopsy. Maybe Cooper's obnoxious FBI forensic expert Albert can help out on that one. He's expected to put in an appearance. And there's a rumor that we'll even see Cooper's electronic consort Diane -- the one he always talks to in his tape recorder -- at least before the season is over.
Keeping things in perspective should be Twin Peaks' own level-headed sheriff, Harry S. Truman. But you do have to question his judgment because it turns out that the woman that just everybody knows he's secretly involved with, the beautiful Jocelyn Packard, the one who took English lessons from Laura, is involved in some shady doings of her own.
But who can blame her since her late husband's sister, Catherine Martell, is always scheming to take the sawmill from her. That would be Twin Peaks' main industry, the one that was burning down at the end of last season with Catherine's husband, good-guy Pete Martell, among those in danger of dying in the blaze.
Sunday night's affair will probably make a stop at the Double R Diner -- we used to think it was just a nice place to eat until Agent Cooper started raving about its coffee and cherry pie as if it were some sort of four-star restaurant. Norma Jennings, the owner and head waitress, is trying to keep an even keel now that her husband, Hank, has been relased from jail and resumed some sort of illicit relationship with sawmill owner Jocelyn. Norma might have to stop her affair with Ed Hurley, the nice-guy proprietor of the town's gas station.
Nobody blamed Ed for straying, what with his one-eyed wife Nadine gone off the deep-end trying to figure out how to make noiseless drape runners. Their boy James Hurley seems to have turned out OK. He spends a lot of time with Donna Hayward, who was Laura's best friend, and a lot of people think that they know more about Laura's death than they're telling the authorities.
Of course, nobody has domestic difficulties like Norma' waitress Shelly Johnson. Her husband Leo Johnson is that brute of a truck driver, the one many think killed Laura. He beats his wife all the time, which is why she shot him at the end of last season. Now we'll have to find out if Leo survived the shooting and if Shelly survived the sawmill fire and if her affair with 'N hot-tempered Bobby Briggs will survive all the turmoil.
Bobby is the football star that everybody thought was Laura Palmer's boyfriend, but now that you can buy her secret diary at the bookstore -- don't people have any discretion these days? -- it's no secret that half the boys in town, and a few of the girls, were intimate with the girl who was supposed to be Miss Goody Two-Shoes. (Actually it's Audrey who wears two pairs of shoes -- leaving home with saddle shoes for Daddy and changing to a hotter pair for the kids at school -- though she can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue no matter what her footwear).
Knowledge of what Laura was up to would have driven her father Leland Palmer crazy -- with jealousy perhaps? -- maybe crazy enough to kill her. Maybe not. Lawrence Jacoby, the town shrink who was treating Laura, and was crazy in love with her himself, might know a bit about that, though it's hard to see how he can get anything in focus looking through those two-tone glasses he wears.
Of course, everybody but everybody, thinks the Log Lady is the one who really knows the lowdown on what's been going on in Twin Peaks, and we're just waiting for the log she totes around all the time to tell us. But if she gets so excited as Sunday night's party that she tosses it on the fire, that theory will be one of the many that will go up in smoke.