Well, we've blown through another calendar, and what a year it was. I'll trust others to catalog all of the highlights. For me, I prefer to list the lowlights or, as I prefer to call them, my end-of-year pet peeves. Here's what has really bugged me, and my apologies to those I offend:
1. Inflatable Christmas decorations. They look great outside your house when lit up at night, but during the day, uninflated, come across as a crime scene on your lawn.
2. Obscene bumper and rear-window stickers. A week after the slaying of five Dallas police officers by a deranged man wielding an assault rifle, I saw this: a rear-window sticker with an illustration of an AR-15 semi-automatic weapon and the words "Assault Life." Now that's porn.
3. Utility tree trimming crews. No, I don't want to lose my electricity in the next big storm, but an arborist needs to give them lessons on proper pruning techniques. I grieve for all of the maimed and mutilated trees in their wake and for the front yards that have lost their curb appeal.
4. Cars, trucks, and motorcycles that fly faded, tattered and torn American flags. I get it that the driver fancies himself a super patriot, but he should review Title 4, Chapter 1, Section 8K of the United States Code, which clearly states, "The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning."
5. Drivers who pass on the right. After you cross the Md. 140 bridge over the Patapsco River going toward Reisterstown, there is a sign that says, "TRUCKS — Slower Traffic Keep Right" as you go up the steep hill. During heavy traffic, some drivers opt to fly up this lane meant for slow-moving vehicles. They dangerously pass on the right, and then cut in front of the line of traffic when the special lane ends. Where the heck did they get their licenses, AutoZone? Attention, Maryland State Police: The fines from these law-breakers would be a real money-maker if you were waiting for them at the end of the lane.
6. Architectural lighting. Leaving the front porch light on at night to thwart thieves and vandals is one thing; lighting up your house with spotlights like it's some national monument is another. This dusk-to-dawn light pollution streams into neighbors' bedrooms and blots out the stars.
7. Dog whistles like "urbanization." When you say that you just want to protect the county from mass transit, dense housing, and urbanization, I can read between the lines and know exactly who it is you really want to keep out.
8. Schools that have to close for lack of air conditioning. In August, my granddaughter missed two days because temperatures were in the 90s and her school is not air conditioned. In all, 37 Baltimore County schools were closed because of the heat. And while we underfund schools, we continue to make boats like the Littoral Combat Ship at $475 million a pop that the Pentagon called "unreliable," and planes like the F-35 that haven't been cleared for combat because of design flaws and test failures. Cost? Over $400 billion. These are our tax dollars. Don't our students deserve better?
9. Local politicians who never stop saying we are a Christian nation, yet wouldn't know the Beatitudes from Beatlemania. All of your posturing means nothing unless you put into practice what Christ preached, regardless of someone's religion or national origin.
10. Whitewashing history. I am distressed that the sculpted bust of Chief Justice Roger Brooke Taney at the Frederick courthouse is being removed. Yes, his Dred Scott decision institutionalized slavery within the Constitution, but reading his exclusionary language quoted on the accompanying plaque sent shivers through me. The statue represents a teachable moment that should not be denied adults or children.
11. Cheap napkins. I am tired of going to pizza parlors and delis and having to use napkins that are 8-by-8 inches and as thin as tissue paper. Forget protecting your lap. You can only fit one on each thigh, and then spend the rest of the meal retrieving them from the floor. (I know. Poor me.)
On that final and trivial note, I will close with my best wishes for a happy, healthy and sane new year.
Frank Batavick writes from Westminster. His column appears Fridays. Email him at fjbatavick@gmail.com.
