While the other commissioners claim the county's recently passed English-only ordinance is all about money, Commissioner Richard Rothschild would have us believe it's a heroic volley in the death struggle for America's soul. Really.
He said, "I have no intentions of capitulating to political correctness that makes it politically unpopular for someone to defend America's culture and America's legacy. Some, not all, demand we surrender our language and aid and abet outsiders that have no appreciation for the three C's of America - our country, our culture and our Constitution."
Well, as a veteran and lifelong English-speaking patriot, I agree we need to defend the three precious C's. But I can't say I've ever actually met any of these dangerous invaders who demand we surrender our culture and our language. I do pass an enclave of Orthodox Jews with their beards and black hats on my way to work, and I noticed some Pennsylvania Dutch recently, painting a building. But I guess the closest I've come to actually engaging the stubbornly unassimilated is watching the guys from Philadelphia march through Wildwood, New Jersey each fall during Irish week.
I'll admit the kilts are weird. And yes, they speak English more like Rocky than Churchill, and seem oddly attached to an alien subculture involving shamrocks and little green men. But they don't strike me as terribly threatening. Yet Rothschild abhors this sort of multicultural behavior as a grave danger from which he must protect us. Which I appreciate, because those bagpipes get really annoying.
Still, I can't help thinking his notions about our legacy are off a bit.
Perhaps he's unaware that (if we ignore the inconvenient fact of the Native American tribes) the country was originally populated by English, Russians, Swedes, Germans, Poles, Irish, Italians and many others, mostly European, who were often despised by those who preceded them. This would probably include his own ancestors, who, I assume, did not sprout from the soil as fully formed super-patriots.
Intolerance has deep roots here.
Perhaps he's unaware that Carroll County is named for Charles Carroll, illegitimate son of an Irish Catholic landowner. Carroll was barred in Maryland from entering politics, practicing law and voting because he was Catholic.
Perhaps he's unaware of the Civil War, KKK and 5,000 blacks who were lynched by the mid-point of the 20th century.
Perhaps he hasn't heard of Lincoln or King, or that African Americans in our segregated forces returned from WWII to ride the back of the bus, enter through separate doors and drink from separate fountains again throughout the South.
With a little study, he might learn that women had to fight for the vote, and that a central drama in American history is the struggle to close the gap between the grand themes in the founding documents and the reality of white male dominance.
He associates environmentalists with communists, government with tyranny and his political enemies with Marxists.
He proclaims himself defender of the Constitution, but his patriotic bravado and heroic pose as staunch opponent of those who would aid and abet outsiders fails to obscure the core conceit - his unadulterated assumption of entitlement and superiority based on sex, race and the brilliant achievement of being born American.
It would be nice if Rothschild himself assimilated, into reality. Into modern society, where people of every sort live, work, cooperate and respect one another, where friendship and acceptance are not treasonous acts, but expressions of human decency. And fine American traditions.
But sadly, I fear he'll continue his fantasy war with the U.N., the state, the feds, the commies and invading hordes who, in his vision, come not to flee poverty or seek hope in our land of opportunity, but to undermine our country, our culture and our Constitution.
Fortunately, reality will leave him behind as the country accelerates toward a more perfect union and the self-evident truth that all men really are created equal.
That includes women now, and people of every race and culture, even the Phillies fans in kilts and hairy legs, parading through Wildwood, pounding drums, blaring the Star-Spangled Banner on bagpipes, their Irish and American flags mingling in the ocean breeze their ancestors sailed to our shores.
