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Chair Shots: Tired of defending WWE's poor writing after awful Raw

Few times in recent memory -- in part because I feel a certain obligation because of this blog -- has Raw gotten so frustratingly bad that I decided to change the channel or just turn off the TV.

More than a few times during Raw last night, I flipped over the Orioles game. It didn't turn out much better, but at least the O's aren't giving me any major logic gaps like WWE (well, it is a bit implausible that they have one of the best records in baseball, but I digress).

I'm actually fuming over the fact that WWE completely botched the Big Show storyline and turned him into a full-blown heel. There is no intrigue there, and it just doesn't make sense. Nevermind the horrendous botch when John Laurinaitis said he signed Big Show on Saturday. WWE tried to cover their tracks later by having Michael Cole say they came to a verbal agreement Saturday, and signed the contract Monday, but according to several online reports this morning, the writing team actually put Saturday in the script, despite the whole idea being that no CURRENT WWE Superstar could interfer in the match, lest they be fired, and the line was fed to Cole because the fans started pointing out the logic gap on Twitter and other social media. #AreYouSeriousBro? These guys are PAID to write these storylines, and NO ONE caught this? How does that even happen? It's the biggest storyline in WWE right now (minus Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar, which they didn't even touch on Monday or the PPV) and you can't take the time to make sure it makes sense.

But beyond that collasal botch, allow me to poke some other logistical holes in this hot garbage.

1. So Big Show knew John Laurinaitis rehired him, right? Then why let Cena beat him up for 15 minutes before getting involved? And once you do, why not attack Cena from the get go, why go through the whole rigamaroll of stepping on Laurinaitis' hand and all that jazz? Just come in, punch Cena in the face and throw Laurinaitis on him.

2. Big Show's angry at the fans for not supporting him? The same ones who chanted his name in support while he was blubbering in the ring on his hands and knees last week? Those fans?

3. Big Show's mad at Cena and is now buddy-buddy with Laurinaitis? Why? As Cena stated in his opening promo, it would've behooved Big Show to let him beat Laurinaitis, because what general manager wouldn't have rehired him?

This is beyond horrible. There was a simple storyline to be told with Big Show being offered his job back by Laurinaitis in the heat of the moment, when Show had him in the goozle at Over the Limit. Instead of a full-blown heel turn, he could've come out and told the fans he's not happy with what he did, but when Laurinaitis offered to re-sign him, he agreed because this is what he does for a living. He could've apologized to Cena and the WWE Universe, who probably still would've booed him. Cena could've still got in his line about how any other GM would've resigned him, but Show could counter by saying he couldn't take that chance. That's plausible. After all, what if Eve or David Otunga was promoted?

Big Show would've been Laurinaitis' unwilling accomplice. And Laurinaitis could've gotten more heat by forcing Big Show into the match with Cena at No Way Out putting the cherry on top by saying if he's not satisfied with Big Show's effort at the pay-per-view, he'll just fire him again. The wording (not the WWE's writers pay much attention to that) leaves it open ended. If Cena takes a beating, but wins in typical Super Cena fashion, Laurinaitis could've had Big Show beg not to get fired again and decide to keep him on, sending him against another of the boss's enemies (CM Punk?); if Show wins, obviously, he stays.

So what would Cena's motivation to beat Show be? Maybe a promise of 5 more minutes to punish Laurinaitis and if Cena won, then Big Johnny steps down? Of maybe, if he doesn't win, he's fired? Perhaps Cena's pride alone -- and the fact that he has a legitimate reason to be angry at Big Show, even if he understands his reasoning -- would be enough to fight him. Or it could just be that if he lays down for Show, then Show will get fired too. We've done more with less.

I just don't get it. Maybe WWE is so happy with themselves for getting a majority of fans to cheer Cena recently that they don't want to make Big Show a sympathetic character who might take away some of those cheers. That's the only possible explanation. Even so, I think this would've been a more intriguing storyline. ...

The rest of the show largely fell flat, and I really didn't like the Punk-Bryan-Kane storyline. Is Kane a babyface again? And as Michael Cole asked, since when does CM Punk have booking powers? I'll just assume that Kane threatened Laurinaitis unless he got the match he wanted to get revenge on Bryan.

Sadly, WWE's writers actually made sense here -- after Bryan fooled Kane on Smackdown, it would make sense that Kane would want some revenge. Still, I was waiting for the Big Red Monster to start attacking Punk anyway. It never happened, and after Kane destroyed Bryan with a steel chair and a couple of chokeslams, Punk returned the favor by locking Bryan in the Anaconda Vise, in a roll reversal of what happened Friday.

Kane got a pop, but I hope he's returned to heel status as soon as Friday night. Perhaps he got upset that Big Show was approaching his record for most heel-face turns, so he decided he was going to turn too to keep pace.

Punk and Bryan need to have a return match, and logic would dictate that because Bryan's issue is that he did make Punk tap out, he just happened to have his own shoulders down, that their next match will be submissions only or I Quit. WWE writers: Wait, that makes too much sense. Let's make it a falls count anywhere match instead. That'll swerve 'em!

Punk and AJ had another awkward encounter backstage, and after two PPVs where she was lurking around in pre-match promos but didn't get involved in Daniel Bryan's match, I think the payoff is coming at No Way Out. I have a scenario in mind. Check out this clip from an I Quit match between Triple H and the Rock from January 1999 to see where I'm getting my inspiration. Skip ahead to the 8:15 mark.



The other match of significance that seems to be shaping up for No Way Out is Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton. The Viper had a one-on-one match with Alberto Del Rio to start the 10 p.m. hour of Raw, which was interrupted by Jericho. Jericho hit several Codebreakers on Orton and kept telling him he's the best in the world at what he does. I don't know what the storyline behind their feud will be, but I don't really care. I'm excited to see these two mix it up in a one-on-one match. I just hope they don't overdo it with gimmicks at No Way Out and just let them have a good singles match instead. ...

Of the six matches on Raw, three were squashes (Cena defeated Otunga, Beth Phoenix beat Kelly Kelly and new Intercontinental Champion Christian returned to Raw to make short work of Jinder Mahal) and three ended in DQs or no contests (Orton-Del Rio, Kane-Bryan and the "main event" pitting Cena and Sheamus against Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and Tensai). None of them were that good.

Oh, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Santino Marella and Ricardo Rodriguez seem to be feuding. There I mentioned it. Now let's all forget it happened.

It's ironic that WWE turned in this hot mess on the same night they were constantly promoting the show going to three hours. Lord, not Tensai, help us.

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