Relationships column: To run or not to run

Relationships column: To run or not to run
Relationships columnist Zahara Johnson. (Lloyd Fox, Baltimore Sun)

Every day, people visualize what they want out of life.

Most want money longer than the wait at the DMV, while others would kill to spend a year backpacking in Europe. Some want to be a CEO, while others just want to be called mommy or daddy.


People are so busy yapping about how they desperately want career advancement or true love, that some fail to realize that they aren't nearly prepared for it.

We all have that one hopelessly romantic friend whose heart craves a love like Rose and Jack's or Beyonce and Jay Z's. Those are the same folks who already have their wedding color scheme mapped out.

I've been blessed to have about five of those friends. One in particular is the most affectionately driven person I know.

With her, everything's about soul mates, vibes and zodiac signs. She won''t step within five feet of a Taurus, believes Libras to be the most balanced sign and somehow always ends up with a Leo.

We were having our typical compatibility conversation when she gave me the scoop on a guy she's been talking to for quite some time.

Apparently, this man, who is eight years her senior, is astounded by anything pertaining to her. From her sassy and tough exterior, to her college created intellect, she painted the picture of a man who was certainly in love.

He routinely hailed her as "the one" and included her in all talk about his future.

Since he was older, he’'d been through the games and wasn't excited by attention from multiple women anymore. He just needed one — and that was her.

I bashfully grinned as she spoke, because I couldn't withhold my happiness. She'd always say how tired she was of boys pretending to be men and how she didn't trust anyone.

But this guy trumped all of her prerequisites.

This was a good thing. She regularly complained of how immature and careless men could be and was fed up with BS.

Time after time, she clamored about males who didn't have any portion of their lives together, so I assumed this man to be a knight of some sort.

I saw him trudging through her heart on a glowing ivory stallion, with the oncoming sunset giving off a breeze that only allowed him to gallop faster.

But she didn''t see it that way.


My happiness was interrupted by the bewildered expression that eased across her face.

She frowned nastily as her eyes bulged and beamed through me, as if in fear. Her hand motions became rapid and she did this thing with her mouth that people only do when they''ve eaten something past its expiration date.

""I''m not ready for that,"" she said firmly.

"Why aren''t you,"" I asked, stumped.

She explained that he was ready to be seriously commited and move in together. Next, he would be talking about marriage and she wasn't ready for that either.

I asked with laughter, "Is he ugly?"


"Is he nice? Is he educated?"


My friend has an extensive romantic novel collection, makes daily posts on social media about her future relationship goals and knows that purple would be the primary color at her wedding reception.

She'd been looking for love since I'd known her and now suddenly, she was backtracking from what she had spent years praying for.

Simply, she was never ready to begin with.

It's human nature to crave what's not readily accessible. However, the time between not having something and receiving it should be spent preparing oneself for that forthcoming opportunity.

I'm not saying she should have jumped on board with the first courter who heard wedding bells, but I just didn't want her to regret passing up someone who fits the criteria of any and everything she ever longed for.

When we ended our conversation, she was quiet for a bit. I could see that her mind was flooded with a series of thoughts.

I told her I was tired, and made my way to the front door. "Be smart," I said, before exiting.

It was her decision to make. She could either run from her dream guy or face him with an open heart and mind.