You say that YOU are “upset and embarrassed,” where a more useful emotional response might be: “I am mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
A response you might rehearse that will telegraph your own ire, but reflect your own professionalism is: “Ladies, no. I suggest you get back to providing care for our patients.” And then document the episode and report it to your/their supervisor.
They might deride this as a very “lunch lady” way to behave, to which you should think to yourself: “Yes! And you’ve been served.”
Dear Amy: Whenever my husband unloads the dishwasher, he puts about half of the things away in their proper places in cabinets or drawers, but the other half gets piled on the counter, right next to the dirty pots and plates.
I’m not sure how to bring this up. I feel like maybe I should be grateful he contributes to housework (something my father NEVER did), but I find it frustrating and confusing when the clean stuff and the dirty stuff are just piled there together.
Our countertops are basically never clear, even after everything has been washed — unless I sort through the remainders myself.
He definitely contributes to housework on a regular basis, so I’m not sure if I should just let this slide?
If I mention it, is that petty nagging? I just feel like if a job is worth doing, it should be done completely.
Dear Half: Your husband is NOT doing you a personal favor by putting a few dishes away. Functioning adults are supposed to do their share of household chores.
If you only ever mowed half the lawn (for instance), would your husband worry about expressing his frustration, for fear of being a “petty nag”?
No, he would say, “Honey, you’re not done. When you leave it like this, I just have to come along and finish it. What’s up with that?”
Your own father trained you to feel grateful for every scrap of household effort (mine, too), but when you clean up after your husband cleans up, you are infantilizing him in his own house. Treat him like a grown-up and talk about it.
Dear Amy: “Bewildered” reported that DNA testing revealed half-siblings.
I uncovered a half sibling from DNA testing, too. She happened to be from my father’s first and most devastating affair (he left my mother with little kids, coming back to the family months later).
One of my siblings thought our mother should be told, and it plunged her into a deep depression.
While I was happy to give my half-sister what she longed for, I regret not being able to control who was told.
Dear Regretful: This is a life-changing disclosure, and it should be treated as such – extremely carefully.
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