Ask Amy
-
Ask Amy: Ex keeps her on the hook for money
Dear Amy: I have known my ex-husband, “Bart,” for 30 years. We were married for 18 years and divorced six years ago. He has lost all his money and has drained all of his friendships over money. He is now coming to me for money. Recently he was in a small car accident. The other driver called the...
-
Ask Amy: Grandfather's suicide leaves questions
Dear Amy: My father-in-law died by suicide. Because of his local prominence, the suicide made local news. If you Google his name, stories mention his suicide, some in graphic detail. My in-laws’ religion is very clear on suicide, and the family feels a great deal of shame over his death. My mother-in-law...
-
Ask Amy: Senior wonders about paying it forward
Dear Amy: My income is derived entirely from Social Security and a small pension that has not increased one penny in 31 years. Because I have always managed to avoid getting into debt, my life in retirement is quite rich: A European river cruise and two Caribbean cruises so far this year, and a...
-
Ask Amy: Middle-schooler grapples with stress
Dear Amy: I am a seventh-grade guy. Lately, I have been stressing out a lot over tests. I know that this is quite normal for middle-schoolers, but I have noticed that I get really jittery during tests. Also, I am getting very nervous when I am assigned any homework. What do you suggest I do? How...
-
Ask Amy: Moving back home brings awkwardness
Dear Amy: Over 10 years ago, when I was a young newlywed, I saw a picture of all my close high school friends at a bridal shower for my best friend. I was not invited. It hurt, and I cut most of these women out of my life because of it. I’m not proud of it. It seemed silly, trivial and embarrassing...
-
Ask Amy: Some people can't take breakup hints
Dear Amy: A few months ago, I started casually dating “Robert.” We met online. Robert told me from the beginning that he had a very strict diet, didn’t drink alcohol and paid close attention to ingredients in products he used. I thought he was just an extremely healthy guy. He recently told me...
-
Ask Amy: Mom's affair with exchange student shocks child
Dear Amy: When I was 16, our family had a foreign student come live with us on a summer exchange program. He was also 16. He wanted to stay beyond his visa, so my parents arranged to take legal guardianship of him. It was very stressful having him move into our family. My mom and I constantly fought...
-
Ask Amy: Woman asks: Why report #MeToo moments?
Dear Amy: Responding to questions regarding whether women should confront long-ago unwanted sexual experiences, when I was a teenager (I’m female), I experienced my share of illicit kisses, inappropriate gestures from men and sexual innuendos. Today’s climate of reportage makes women think they...
-
Ask Amy: Readers respond on how to handle chronic lateness
Dear Readers: I recently ran a question from “Prompt In-Law,” who reported that her beloved daughter-in-law was chronically late. In my answer, I reflected on this common annoyance. I suggested that the MIL should speak with her frankly about it, continue with their on-time plans and take separate...
-
Ask Amy: Vaping dad places new baby at risk
Dear Amy: Our grandson vapes. And he has a new baby at home. I spoke with him before the baby was born and tried to encourage him to stop this terrible habit for the baby’s sake. He goes outside to vape and then comes inside and cuddles with the baby. I feel that chemicals and nicotine are in his...
-
Ask Amy: Couple resists pressure to attend family wedding
Dear Amy: My husband is from a European country. We are in our 60s. I work part time, and he hasn’t worked in a decade due to health problems. We are being pressured by his family to attend his sister’s wedding next year in Europe. The costs would be astronomical for both of us to attend. We would...
-
Ask Amy: Apples and cheese puffs come in cat-proof containers
Dear Amy: I’m not sure how to handle Thanksgiving and Christmas meals at my in-laws’ house. Last year, right before the meal, I watched my mother-in-law’s cat eating on the dining room table. It was hard not to vomit. I noticed the salad dressing had expired years ago. In addition, she leaves the...
-
Ask Amy: Dad ready to lose cool over pot penalty arrangement
Dear Amy: My daughter is 19. Her boyfriend is 18. Over the summer, they were busted for smoking marijuana in her car. The officer gave them the option of letting just one of them take the fall. My daughter volunteered; I considered this a very bad decision. If this gets on her record, she will...
-
Ask Amy: Dad's feelings hurt when kids visit bio family
Dear Amy: My parents divorced when my brother and I were very young. We never had any contact with our biological father, or with his side of the family. Our mom remarried, and our wonderful stepfather legally adopted my brother and me. Mom and “Dad” have been married for over 30 years now. Having...
-
Ask Amy: Young woman wants to roar for rights
Dear Amy: I grew up in a very progressive city. Gender equality always seemed like a historical issue that had been resolved. I never felt any concern that being a female would negatively affect my life. Now, graduated from college and out in the real world, I finally get it. My supervisor and...
-
Ask Amy: Man wonders about disclosing affair
Dear Amy: I am a father with three kids, living in a very “gossipy” town. My family life seemed to be ideal, but then I learned that my wife was having an affair for the last two years of our 16-year marriage. I was completely blindsided. A few years have passed. I am now in a great place. The...
-
Ask Amy: In-laws seem to be closing in on family
Dear Amy: My in-laws currently live six hours away. I like it that way. They keep talking about moving to our town, but this would be at the cost of our relationship. They’re lovely people in small doses, but we lived near them for a year when I had my first child, and it was awful. They often...
-
Ask Amy: Drama brings on '3-Thanksgivings' rule
Dear Amy: My brother was married for 29 years. Out of the blue, he announced to my husband and me that he had left his wife and was now living with “Kelly,” a girlfriend that he had met online. I told him that I will still maintain a friendship with my sister-in-law. He said he was fine with that....
-
Ask Amy: Intrusive cat causes fur to fly
Dear Amy: My wife and I recently learned that our cat “Pumpkin” has taken to entering a neighbor’s house through the cat door and picking fights with her cat — inside their house! This resulted in the neighbor’s cat having to be taken to the vet. Pumpkin has been an outdoor cat for 10 years. The...
-
Ask Amy: Mom wants to re-parent daughter's friend
Dear Amy: My 13-year-old daughter’s best friend, “Heather,” is an only child whose parents’ lives revolve around her. She is spoiled with new clothes, makeup, extravagant trips, spending money and Starbucks at whim. My daughter loves this girl but struggles with jealousy that I am not able to provide...
-
Ask Amy: At 55, she wants to confront long-ago abuser
Dear Amy: Decades ago, starting when I was 16, I worked at a health care facility as an assistant. The doctor, whom I revered at the time, would do things to me like discreetly squeeze my inner legs during patient visits and hold me in a long embrace after patients left. He eventually invited me...
-
Ask Amy: Abused siblings want to speak out
Dear Amy: My siblings recently disclosed that our mother subjected them to sexual, mental and physical abuse. As a child, I was subjected to physical and mental abuse at her hand, but I had always assumed that I was the sole focus of her ire. I moved out of the house the day after high school graduation....
-
Ask Amy: Mom has a 'Brad' problem
Dear Amy: I am a 36-year-old mother. My daughter, “Stacy,” is 18. Her boyfriend, “Brad,” is 30. Stacy and Brad have been together for a year. He moved in with us as soon as they started dating. So many factors are frustrating for me. Why did I allow this in the first place? Brad drinks too much,...
-
Ask Amy: Sister's illness leads to transplant questions
Dear Amy: My sister is receiving treatment for a chronic illness. Eventually her treatment will cease to be effective without a kidney transplant. When she was originally diagnosed, five years ago (and from time to time since then), my family and I have expressed our wishes to her to be tested...
-
Ask Amy: New marriage faces extreme grandparenting challenge
Dear Amy: I married a wonderful woman about two years ago. Six months later her widower son moved into our house, with his five children. The children ranged in age from a newborn baby to 8 years old. This “man” couldn’t raise one child, much less five. The children have had no formal (or any)...
-
Ask Amy: Man wants to prevent roommate hitting rock bottom
Dear Amy: I’m a man in my late 20s, living in New York City with a friend, who is the same age. We’ve been roommates for a couple of years. We knew each other from college. My roommate, “Charles,” was seeing a woman until about three weeks ago, when she broke things off. Despite this being a fairly...
-
Ask Amy: Wife doesn't want husband to say it with flowers
Dear Amy: A few months ago, I was upset with my husband, and he sent me flowers. I told him it was a nice gesture, but I would rather not get flowers because I think they are a waste of money, and flowers eventually have to be thrown out. It was my birthday recently, and he asked me what I wanted....
-
Ask Amy: Unwanted kiss from father's friend comes up 15 years later
Dear Amy: When I was 18, a friend of my father’s, whom I knew through a community group, asked to meet me for coffee. After coffee, he put his young daughter in their car and then sat with me in my car for a few minutes, holding my hand and telling me how he had been thinking of me over the last...
-
Ask Amy: Man wants to apologize for sexual assault
Dear Amy: I am a successful man in my late 30s. I am very interested in social justice and particularly concerned about violence against women. The issue is this: I wasn’t always the man I am today. I had a rather alcohol- and drug-fueled youth and did some things I am not proud of. One particular...
-
Ask Amy: Emotional affair makes workplace wobbly
Dear Amy: I have worked closely with a colleague since the beginning of our careers. We are both in our 30s and extremely close — she was there for me during my divorce, I attended her wedding, our kids have met and we do “non-work” stuff together. She returned to work after a year off for maternity...
-
Ask Amy: Mom worries about in-laws' alcohol use
Dear Amy: I’ve been married for 20 years. My in-laws all live locally and are all very high-functioning daily alcohol consumers. We are all involved in a prominent successful family business that involves several liquor licenses. Alcohol was not part of my childhood culture, and I rarely drink....