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'Gossip Girl' Recap: The Fasting and the Furious

The room was silent for a full five minutes after tonight's "Gossip Girl" episode ended.

Yeah, we got more Chuck. Yeah, we finally got a Serena/Blair scene. But we also got scheming royals, a certifiably insane blackmailer and a whole new level of snooping.

On the Louis/Blair front, they finally told their families about the baby. But remember Beatrice? (Yes, Louis' sister. The one that made-out with a priest in the back of a limo). Well, somehow she managed to team up with Diana to turn her mother against Blair and Louis. I felt pretty sorry for Louis ... That is, until he went snooping in Blair's drawer and found the paternity test. Yes, she is still keeping a secret from him. But seriously? Will every episode have him struggling with whether to trust her or not? Really, this is the weirdest engagement ever.

I almost want to say that Blair would be better off with Dan, and that's hard to admit. At least this week there was less angsty moping, and more of Dan finally standing up for himself. Serena tried to get the movie rights to his book, and when he figured out it was the only reason she apologized, he called her out. And he didn't even go running back to her when she admitted she still loved him. Although he did give her the rights to the movie because supposedly she was the one who "inspired" him in the first place. No Dan, you were a good writer way before you met Serena.

At least our favorite leggy blonde did finally make up with Blair. It's been a rough five episodes without any best friend scenes, so an apology was long overdue. Meanwhile, the other leggy blonde was busy breaking into Lily's safe and stealing secret files on the van der Woodsen family. Charlie stupidly gave the files to Diana, and towards the end of the episode we saw her burning a picture of herself from Bart's file. Is this what Diana has been using Nate for? To try to cover up a secret?

It looked like the old womanizing Chuck was back, but that lasted all of twenty minutes before he got completely shut down by the therapist he was trying to sleep with. She said he had no childhood. True. And that he has pay for intimacy. Also true. It was harsh, and he almost cried ... again. But hopefully now he'll get some help.

And tonight, it wasn't Chuck that stole the show. It was Blair and Eleanor. We don't always see a lot of Mrs. Waldorf, but she completely owned every scene she was in, and her talk with Blair at the end of the episode was heart-wrenching. She may not be the nicest mother in the world, but she's willing to take down the royal family of Monaco in order for her daughter to be happy. In the Upper East Side, that's love.

MORE HIGHLIGHTS FROM "THE FASTING AND THE FURIOUS."

Tonight had some of the best lines we've seen so far. Here are our favorites.

First Runner-Up: "It’s up to MY child to acknowledge YOU." As much as I bash Louis for not trusting Blair, he really does stick up for her no matter what. And everyone should take lessons from him on how to deliver come-backs. Seriously, the look he gave his mom was piercing.

Third Place: "You are the love of my life ... I just thought I was yours too." Seriously Serena? How many times has Dan thrown himself at you and you've just blown him off for another guy? Not to mention you've barely spent any meaningful time with him for the past two seasons. Get a grip.

Second Place: "If something doesn’t fall right into your lap, you have no clue how to deal with it." People have already called Serena out for getting everything she wants, but Jane finally pointed out how incapable she really is. I think Jane is crazy, but if she can get Serena to change I'll be impressed.

First Place: "You have six months to deal with your problem. I have six minutes to deal with mine." My jaw literally hit the floor when Serena shot this one at Blair. Ouch. If best friends were like this in real life, I'd only tell my secrets to stuffed animals.

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