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'Jersey Shore' recap: Episode 8

It was unseasonably warm today in Baltimore, and I was craving a trip to the beach. I could smell the Atlantic Stand and taste the orange crushes from Fishtales. However, the fantasy ends when I realize that it is unfortunately still February. I suppose another Jerzday will hold me over for a couple of more weeks.

Karma resembles Fight Club as our evening starts. Rodger lays out some guy who almost causes a wardrobe malfunction for Jenni's dress, which is the size of an infant's swimsuit.

Jionni is still a clown. Not much has changed since his last appearance on the show.

The crew decides to head over to the dock to catch some crabs – as in the crustacean, not the venereal disease. Although they caught nothing to eat, viewers  got quite a laugh out of Team Meatball’s attempt to navigate an inflatable boat through the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Deena’s misinterpretation of the word “sharp” as “shark” caused their boat to capsize … Or was it because they were over the weight limit?

When Snooki says something as dumb as, “I want to marry Jionni,” I honestly just want to shake her. It’s a completely one-sided relationship that is going nowhere fast. He is only with her because of her notoriety from the show, and he openly dislikes everything that she says or does. It’s almost as bad as trying to make a relationship work with a guy that you have had arrested for physical abuse (I’m looking at you, Rihanna).

Snooki loses a game of ladder golf and therefore has to wear the bunny suit (affectionately named Lola) to Karma. I’m sure even in that suit, she looks better than 80 percent of the females that frequent that club.

Snooki buys Ron a mini-bike, reminiscent of the extra-mini bike that Mike bought for Pauly two seasons ago on the boardwalk. Why did she buy him said bike? Just because she loves him. I guess their friendship has gone back to what it was before, prior to her trashing Sammi to Ron and making up lies about his family hating her. (For the record: He did deserve that. No girl deserves to be cheated on.)

The stalker of all stalkers, Vanessa, has returned! Her death stare is apparently causing Pauly D’s blowout to melt, which I believe has never been done before. Didn’t think it was possible with the industrial strength glue that he uses in his ‘do. In all seriousness, though, she is pretty creepy.

I wish Snooki would just break up with Jionni and get into an actual relationship with Vinny. It’s their destiny, I can just feel it!

Check in with me next week as we count down Season 7’s remaining episodes – Three more weeks, y’all!

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