Rachel Lindsay, Peter, Bryan, Dean, Alex, Kenny, Adam.
Rachel Lindsay, Peter, Bryan, Dean, Alex, Kenny, Adam. (Thomas Lekdorf / ABC)

In case you forgot in the 24 hours since the last episode of "The Bachelorette," Rachel is currently in the middle of the Norwegian "wilderness" with two men who despise each other on a two-on-one date.

Despite her claim to not want to "lawyer" while she's The Bachelorette, Rachel feels the need to get both sides of the story to make a fair judgment call. Basically, Kenny, the wrestler with a confusing wrestling name, said Lee, the racist, is a snake, and Lee said Kenny is aggressive, so Rachel wants to share all feedback with both men to see what happens.


I'm exhausted after that paragraph and I haven't even started the episode.

Kenny returns from his second conversation with Rachel and legitimately cusses Lee out. Like, I'm talking he went so far as to say that he would drag his man parts across Lee's grave, but with at least 11 f-bombs added.

Lee responds with, "Jesus loves you," and knowing what we know about Lee, there are just way too many directions to take that in so I'll leave it up to you.

'The Bachelorette' recap: Norwegian snakes

This episode of "The Bachelorette" is essentially setting up Kenny and Lee's two-on-one date.

Rachel returns to the two of them and tells Lee she doesn't trust him so she is sending him home immediately. She doesn't offer the rose to Kenny either as she would like to spend more time with him that night.

When they get to the helicopter, Kenny decides that he needs to "say goodbye" to Lee and leaves Rachel alone to sit there while he goes to have the last (cuss) word with Lee. If I were Rachel I would have left them both there, to be honest, but she waits for him to finish and Lee is left to himself.

When Rachel welcomes Kenny into her hotel room for their evening time together, she immediately asks him why he left her sitting in the helicopter to go back to Lee. His response makes as much sense to me as people who still wear Uggs, but it works for Rachel so she offers him the rose and he accepts with a kiss.

Kenny leaves this date to FaceTime his 10-year-old daughter who is definitely at least 30. He fake cries while she offers advice because she's (not-so) secretly an adult with life experience.


Rachel is wearing another dress with a very high slit, so my Twitter account idea definitely has legs. Get it?

The next morning, the remaining suitors and Rachel head from Oslo to Copenhagen. After a :45 spot for the hotel they're staying in, Bryan picks up the date card to read, "Eric, I'm COPEN to love. Signed, Rachel."


Eric, a personal trainer who definitely chugs protein shakes while yelling "lower!" when making you do lunges, annoys me within 10 seconds. Much like all personal trainers who chug protein shakes while making me do lunges.

'The Bachelorette' recap: Lee spells trouble

Issues of race are coming to the forefront on "The Bachelorette" as tension rises between Lee and Kenny.

He's like a human emoji — over the top and doesn't make sense. They get on a small boat, drink champagne and float around Copenhagen.

Apparently in Denmark, there are random hot tubs placed around the city, so I guess they like germs over there. Rachel and Eric decide it would be a good idea to contract a few extra diseases, so they hop in an available communal hot tub.


Back at the advertisement for this hotel, the next date card arrives and perfect Peter, the Shawn Booth of this season, shares, "Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, Peter, Adam. I've taken a 'Viking' to you guys. Rachel."

After they've dried off, Eric and Rachel head to Tivoli, a popular amusement park, and do things that you do at an amusement park.

At dinner, Eric shares that as a kid he wasn't shown love, so this is unfamiliar to him. I check Instagram because this is boring and do you guys follow Busy Phillips yet? Because you should.

When I look up from Busy's Instagram story, Eric has a rose, so, like, I guess it went well.


Rachel tells the group that, "Today we're going to explore the sea 'the Viking way' on a Viking ship." They get into a boat with a bunch of strangers to row across the sea where they are met with "Viking fighting instructors" Tom and Morton, who both look like they're wearing a Christmas elf costume.

The group date event involves the men fighting each other like Vikings while wearing their own elf costumes. The two "strongest" get to take one another on for more alone time with Rachel. Kenny and Adam, the guy who brought a doll he named Adam Jr., are the "strongest" so they "battle" each other, which means that they each end up with a bloody eye. Romance at its finest.

Kenny wins and they put a furry crown on his head, much like how he celebrates a wrestling victory, I'd imagine.

When the group date goes for cocktails, Kenny confesses that he misses his daughter, so Rachel sends him home and perfect Peter gets the group date rose.


Because the date card asked, "Will you be my Sweedie" (I guess; that part never aired), Will, the "Steve Urquelle" of the season who I didn't realize was so good looking, and Rachel take another boat over to Sweden. Rachel is bored by Will because he's not affectionate with her despite her best efforts at forcing romance. Like blatantly asking for a kiss and taking him to see a castle.

When they return to Copenhagen for dinner, Will confesses to Rachel he typically dates white women and that he's very passionate in relationships. This very clearly throws her off because she is not a white woman and he hasn't been passionate with her at all. Because of this, she does not offer him the rose and sends him home.


It's been a long time since this franchise has surprised me, but I am genuinely shocked that we get an entire second rose ceremony tonight. I would have assumed that we would get to the rose ceremony, have Rachel cry because this was so hard (she did) and then get a "To be continued" again, but they showed the whole ceremony.

I am truly grateful that the racist went home and that next week we get to start an episode like we used to ... 15 seasons ago.


Peter, who is definitely the Shawn Booth of this season.

Bryan, who is way too old to be on this show, because he got the first impression rose.

×Josiah, because he was in the teaser reel and has a sad story, he'll be around a while.


×Bryce, my soulmate, just because I want him on my TV for the next three months.


"I'd make a great Viking, but like, a Viking that doesn't do very much." – Dean.


Josiah, the attorney who was arrested when he was 12

Anthony, who still wears diamond stud earrings in 2017

Kenny, the wrestler with a confusing wrestling name

Will, the "Steve Urquelle" of the season who I didn't realize was so good looking

Alex, the guy who claimed The Rock is his favorite artist

Let me know what you think about tonight on Twitter @abbydraper. Next week is a repeat episode for the holiday so see you on the 10th!