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'The Bachelor' recap: Bekah is young and Krystal is hated

Honestly, our “Bachelor” motivation is waning. Week 4 is tough because the newness of the season has worn off, but we’re not really invested in the contestants yet. The producers must have anticipated the likely dip in ratings because they pulled some really weird stuff this episode. More on that later.

First One-On-One: Seinne

Despite Chris Harrison telling the girls they are about to travel the world, the gang packs up and leaves the mansion for a quick, two-hour flight to Lake Tahoe, where Seinne gets the first one-on-one.

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After a parasailing excursion, Arie and Seinne head into what looks like a Hard Rock Cafe knock-off. The restaurant has electric guitar door handles! The two of them settle down in front of some cold meat for their “dinner” portion of the date. It goes well, because when it comes to Seinne, how couldn’t it? She’s smart, well educated and totally realistic about love. She’s honestly too good for this show. #SeinneForBachelorette.

Arie tells Seinne about his family, and apparently he sees his parents every other day. Are we the only people that think that’s weird for a 36-year-old man? Like is his mom doing his freaking laundry and packing him lunch every day too?

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The date gets real when Seinne, who is black, tells Arie that growing up, she didn’t hear about girls like her having fairy tale love stories. Arie dodges the conversation about race, and offers his tongue instead.

The date ends in classic “Bachelor” franchise fashion: at a concert of some hitherto unknown country band (did we mention we were English majors?) that both Arie and Seinne pretend to be excited about. Remember when they got the Backstreet Boys last season? Are they skimping on the budget for Arie, or did they just blow all the money on Becca K.’s Cinderella date the first episode?

Group date

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (lake house), everyone except Millennial Bekah is getting ready for the group date. Group dates are our fave part of each episode because that’s when all the DRAMAAAAAA happens.

The women wrestle for Arie's love, "GLOW"-style, and play with puppies. But things don't go so well for Lauren S., who has a terrible one-on-one date, and Annaliese, who relays another story of childhood trauma.

The date is outdoors because it’s in their contract with Lake Tahoe’s office of tourism to promote the scenery. Seriously though, it does look beautiful and we’re adding Lake Tahoe, or South Lake Tahoe, as Chris Harrison called it, to our travel bucket list.

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The landscape stops being beautiful the second Arie announces that they’re on a survival date. Yikes! It’s one thing to appreciate nature from a far. It’s quite another to have to deal with it.

Kendall lucked out with this date. She got her survivalist chomps on an episode of Fear Factor.

We’re introduced to two survival experts, Mykel Hawke, and his wife “Ruth.” We’d give you her last name if we knew it. Apparently wives don’t get name cards on “The Bachelor.”

The survivalists tell the girls that the first step to being a good wilderness scout is to drink your own pee. Before we can even process that information, the girls go off to pee into their new water bottles, and Arie proceeds to down a bottle of (what we’re told) is his own urine. Is this “Black Mirror”?? What is going on?

We are feeling so many feelings right now — shock and disgust, namely, but also … we feel like “The Bachelor” hasn’t won us over this season enough to make this joke. It’s too much too soon, and we’re not here for it. Also, Jacqueline (who?) looks a little too eager to please (like, drink her own pee eager) and it’s making us uncomfortable. Luckily, we find out that Arie just drank apple juice (hehe, so fun and flirty!) and Jacqueline drops her bottle.

If that weren’t scarring enough, the next group activity is to EAT BUGS. Kendall is the only one who joins Arie in EATING WORMS AND MAGGOTS. Really, Kendall?? Is being “quirky” worth it?? Is Arie worth it???? We can’t say we’re too surprised though, after her episode on “Fear Factor” in which she consumed a donkey byproduct we probably can’t divulge here.

Next, they split up into groups with only a map and a compass to find their way because that always works out, right? If they are successful, they’ll end up at….(drumroll, please) a hot tub! Classic “Bachelor.” We haven’t had any hot tubs yet this season so it’s about time!

At the “oasis,” Krystal tries to have alone time with Arie in the hot tub crowded with several other girls. It’s awkward, because they’re half-naked and groping each other in public. Which is probably why Raven’s friend Tia and Caroline start joking around and poking fun. Because Krystal is ... Krystal, this later becomes a blowout fight. Krystal says she feels ostracized and the girls essentially tell her to stop playing the victim. Krystal does what all 29-year-old women do — tattles on them to their shared boyfriend. God, this show is just so relatable.

Tia strikes back by defending herself and tattling on Krystal to Arie. He rewards Tia for being “vulnerable” with the rose, and all is right in the world.

Second One-on-One With Millennial Bekah

After they go horseback riding, Arie and Millennial Bekah head off to a romantic dinner to talk about “real” things and get “deep.”

It’s the big moment the promos have tried to make us think we’re waiting for: Millenial Bekah’s age reveal! It’s this cool new thing where, after hanging out (making out) with a guy for a few weeks, and getting him really invested, you blind side him with a 14-year age difference!

Arie dances around the topic of age, asking Millennial Bekah if she still goes out to party. She basically blurts out that she’s 22 and Arie’s mouth drops open. She tries to calm him by saying it’s chill, sometimes she wakes up early to rock climb. That’s something men his age do, right?

This week starts out like the last — with more racing footage. If we were going to make a drinking game out of this episode, we’d tell you to take a shot every time someone says something about racing, Arie’s “pillow lips,” or when Chelsea refers to herself as “mysterious.”

Millennial Bekah digs her heel in and insists says that everyone in her family got married at 19 or 20, and we’re starting to understand why she thinks this is a good idea. Even though it’s clear Arie is questioning EVERYTHING, he goes ahead and gives her the rose because IDK, she’s cute. Just kidding, he does it for the ratings.

They’ve had great chemistry before, so it’s surprising when Arie fumbles his hand placement and gets his hand intertwined with Millennial Bekah’s giant hoop earring. Her poor ‘lobes! Maybe he finds the 14-year-age-gap unsettling after all.

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Rose Ceremony

Back at the house, the girls are getting ready for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. Cue montage of the girls putting on makeup and … shaving their legs? We aren’t sure if this is ABC’s subliminal way of reinforcing gender stereotypes, or just some lame Gillette product placement.

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Chris Harrison gets his five seconds of screen time, just to remind us he’s still on payroll, and walks into the room to inform the gals that tonight … Arie knows what he wants, so the cocktail party is canceled. Dun dun dun. Everyone is gasping and and pouting, bummed that they won’t get the chance to make out — we mean talk — with Arie.

The girls are all lined up and ready to receive roses when villain Krystal interrupts and says she needs to pull Arie away for a second. The girls are MAD because this is EXACTLY why Arie DIDN’T have the cocktail party. The man already knows what he wants … and what he doesn’t want, is to have to deal with Krystal.

Krystal whispers a bunch of stuff in Arie’s ear. We don’t really listen because, even though we’re sure she’s nice in real life, at this point in the show she’s kind of insufferable. We’re sure she is whispering about how the other girls are mean, how much she likes him, blah blah blah. Why was this so important that she needed to pull him aside?

At this point, when ABC reveals a new "Bachelor" or "Bachelorette," its pick is not all that surprising. Usually, the producers just go with the previous

They go back to the room and Arie gives out the roses. The last remaining Lauren, Lauren B., gets the first rose. Krystal receives the last (shocking!) and makes it through to the next round.

Caroline, who got screen time for the first time tonight, and Brittany T., who got no screen time this entire season, are out.

The night ends with a short clip of Marikh and Single Mom Chelsea fighting because Chelsea #glamshamed her during the survival group date for brushing her hair. If nothing else, Marikh will go down for coining this badass hashtag.

Speaking of Twitter, follow Leigh at @leighcmcdonald and let us know what you think about last night’s episode!

See ya’ll next week!

L + L

ELIMINATED

Brittany T.

Caroline

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