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'The Bachelor' recap, Week 2: Pillow Lips and the demolition derby

The 15 women travel to a racetrack for a demolition derby. Pictured are, from left, Lauren G., Maquel, Brittany, Chelsea, Marikh, Jenna, Caroline, Arie, Annaliese, Jennifer, Valerie, Kendall, Tia and Seinne.
The 15 women travel to a racetrack for a demolition derby. Pictured are, from left, Lauren G., Maquel, Brittany, Chelsea, Marikh, Jenna, Caroline, Arie, Annaliese, Jennifer, Valerie, Kendall, Tia and Seinne. (Paul Hebert / ABC)

This week starts out like the last — with more racing footage. This got old before the season even started. If we were going to make a drinking game out of this episode, we’d tell you to take a shot every time someone says something about racing, Arie’s “pillow lips,” or when Chelsea refers to herself as “mysterious.” Go ahead and try it, and make sure to leave a comment if you do.

First One-on-One: Becca K.

And the first one-on-one date of the season goes to Becca K! Becca K. is the “down-to-earth contestant” this season. She honestly seems super chill. Like the kind of person who is just down to hang out, who doesn’t spend every day caking on makeup and doesn’t do drama. So naturally Arie picks her for the most superficial date.

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Arie whisks Becca K. away from the mansion to… another mansion. And designer Rachel Zoe walks in because, like a cheesy ’80s movie, it’s time for this Minnesota girl to get a Cinderella makeover.

Arie sits on the couch and watches Becca K. try on a bunch of ballroom dresses, which she later finds out she gets to keep (just what she needs). The producers have set the mood by providing a beautiful pairing of chocolate fondue and oysters. They’re not even trying to be subtle with these aphrodisiacs. After, they pop open a bottle of champagne because, according to Arie, you drink champagne when you win a race.

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As if this date weren’t star studded enough, Neil Lane bursts onto the scene to present Becca K. with first-date bling. Arie later tells her she can keep the earrings, but what about the necklace and bracelet?? Guess she had to hand them over to the producers after the date was over.

The most magical part of this date was not the diamonds or the Louboutins, but the fact that Becca K. got to go back to the mansion before dinner to freshen up! These dates take all day and night to film, so we know Becca K. must have been grateful for the break. Plus, she got to show off her shopping bags to the other girls. Double win.

During their dinner date, Becca K. opens up to Arie about her father, who passed away from brain cancer. We also learn that her last relationship was on-again-off-again for seven years. Becca K. gets a rose, and kisses Arie’s pillow lips. Then the clock strikes midnight, his race car turns into a pumpkin and she loses her Louboutins.

Second One-on-One: Krystal

Krystal gets the second one-on-one date. In her direct-to-camera interview, she said she is “smitten as a kitten” about this date, and all of America shuddered in disgust.

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We’re hoping Krystal didn’t get her hopes up for the lamest date ever. Arie flies her to his hometown of Scottsdale, Ariz., where he starts the date by taking her on a tour of his high school. In a way this kind of works, because Krystal has the vocabulary of a 16-year-old.

Arie takes Krystal back to his house, where you’d expect things to get steamy. Nope. He makes Krystal sit through home videos and photo albums all day. Krystal utters the words, “I literally have gotten a history lesson of Arie today.” Like it’s a good thing. Can you imagine a weirder first date?

Arie can!! They then go to meet his parents. This is apparently a regular thing for Arie; we heard that Arie’s ex, Sydney Stempfley (spoiler alert! Click with caution), met Arie’s dad on their first date, too.

Pillow Lips and Krystal head back to L.A. for their dinner date. The pressure is on for Krystal to open up and reveal her deepest, darkest secrets to someone she just met. Krystal tells Arie about her complicated past and family life. Her father wasn’t in the picture, and she says that her mother was “emotionally unavailable.” Her brother lives on the streets in Venice, Calif.

Living up to the A-list celebrities in the first date, Connor Duermit performs to an empty auditorium as Krystal and Arie sway together on stage. We checked out Connor’s social media and he only has about 2,000 followers on Twitter. This show was clearly his big break. #CongratsConnor

When she gets back to the house, Krystal evades answering the girls’ questions about how the date went. It would be one thing if she was just keeping her cards close to her chest, but she’s clearly trying to bait and tease. She’s giving Chelsea, the first episode’s villain, a run for her money. She still gets a rose. Wah wah.

On Monday night, we rallied through our New Year’s Eve hangovers to stay up and watch race car driver Arie Luyendyk Jr. meet the lucky ladies who will be competing for his heart. Race car puns ensue.

Group Date: Demolition Derby

The group date revolves around, you guessed it, cars. The premise of this date is to literally crash cars. Previous bachelors have asked the girls to do ridiculous things (like sports) but this has to be the absolute craziest. So scary!

We were most worried for Millennial Bekah because she just got her driver’s permit, until Bibiana yelled out she doesn’t have a license!

Before the game even starts, Annaliese has a PTSD-like meltdown when she recalls a “traumatic experience” she had playing bumper cars as a child. Everyone was tweeting #BumperCarTrauma, including Chris Harrison. Back off, Dad, let us have this.

Seinne wins the challenge and a rose, and says her dad would be really proud of her. Pretty sure her dad is more proud of her Yale degree. This girl is so out of Arie’s league. Especially when he tells her he barely graduated high school and worked for Pizza Hut. Guess that’s where he got his love of pizza.

At this point, when ABC reveals a new "Bachelor" or "Bachelorette," its pick is not all that surprising. Usually, the producers just go with the previous

Cocktail Party

Chelsea finally gives up her “mysterious” act and tells Arie about her child. This is his third time dating a single mom, and he’s thrilled. They celebrate by making out. It’s very noisy and we hate watching it. We do it for you, people.

Millennial Bekah, who says she always has to have a fur on her, slinks in for her turn. She and Arie spend the entire time making out and using way too much tongue for a show that is on before 11 p.m. Arie tells Millennial Bekah that she has a good energy. That energy, Arie, is youth. She tells him that she is simple, no drama and easy to please. We are pretty sure she is quoting Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl.” And we all know how that story ends up.

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The rest of the cocktail party is essentially the Krystal and Bibiana show. Krystal, who already has a rose from her one-on-one, picked the wrong girl to interrupt, Bibiana, who hasn’t gotten any one-on-one time yet with Pillow Lips. Bibiana goes off on Krystal.

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Even though most of Bibiana’s rant is bleeped, we can tell she’s super articulate, which is impressive for her level of anger. Also, she calls out Krystal’s fake voice. She’s basically America’s hero.

Oh yeah, and Kendall shows Arie her pickled bat. How is she not getting more screen time??

Rose Ceremony

Maquel, who had zero screen time this episode, gets the first rose. There are some other faces we barely recognize or, at least, don’t care to. Bibiana gets the last rose. We are relieved because we <3 her.

See y’all next week!

Eliminated:

Jenny

Valerie

Lauren G.

Made Out With Pillow Lips:

Becca K.

Krystal

Millenial Bekah

Seinne

Chelsea

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