How does that dress even stay on, anyway?
(The CW)

I didn't think it was possible for things to get more twisted than they were last week. But then again this is "Gossip Girl," so I should've known better.

The episode began with an appearance by Rufus, who got his obligatory one line in. Of course he was making a batch of waffles. That seems to be the only thing he knows how to do now that he's on the Upper East Side. Speaking of Rufus, where's Lily? I guess her house arrest isn't too exciting. As it should be.


Dan spent the entire hour whining about his book and lusting after Blair … pretty much the exact same thing he did last week.

Meanwhile Blair had bigger things to worry about as she finally began to face being pregnant. She seemed to be handling it well, yet she was no match for Louis' sister Beatrice. Since Blair is oh so good at hiding things, Beatrice quickly became suspicious of Blair's excessive bathroom use and came to the conclusion that … Blair is on drugs? What? Please, that's Serena's type of scandal. Next most logical solution? Bulemia. I'm not really sure why someone can't just have a stomach virus, but at least Beatrice didn't say anything to Louis when she found out Blair is actually pregnant.

Nate was supposed to be looking for an internship, but because he can't ever do anything productive he hooked up with Diana in a stairwell instead. Still not sure what her deal is, but it's a shame that Nate is going to get used again. You would think he would have learned his lesson about mysterious, secretive girls after Juliet. Especially if the girl is over 15 years older than you and won't tell you her name. Oh I forgot, common sense doesn't exist on "Gossip Girl."

Case and point: Chuck is now paying people to beat him up in alleyways. Because that's a good way to deal with losing someone you love.

The most ridiculous drama tonight revolved around Serena and Charlie, who are both still in L.A. Serena was very pushy about living together and Charlie even broke up with her boyfriend to go along with it. He was hot, too. And then Serena surprised Charlie with an apartment back in New York? Because it's perfectly fine to move people across the country without asking first. I'm just glad to be done with L.A.

Next week we expect more mooping from Dan and Chuck to end up in the emergency room. Sound about right?


BEST QUOTE: "Is being dead that much worse than being nothing?" Chuck is kind of being a downer so far this season.

MOST INAPPROPRIATE REACTION TO A SERIOUS PROBLEM: Blair admits that she's pregnant and what does Doroda do? Get excited and say "We're like sisters!" of course. Let's just disregard the fact that she's barely 20. Yup, not important.

WTF MOMENT: Beatrice talks about her plan to take over the throne and then starts making out with a priest. I don't think I need to go into much more detail here.

"AWWW" MOMENT: Blair goes to Brooklyn to talk to Dan, and he tells her that she'll never lose him. Cheesy, but nice. Wish that pair didn't have to seem so incestuous.

MOST CLEAVAGE: Once again goes to Diana Payne. These dresses are starting to make Serena look modest. Which is saying a lot considering the mega-scoop neck tank she was wearing to brunch.