'True Blood' Season 5 finale recap: 'Save Yourself'

It's time for an Authority Takeover Party!
It's time for an Authority Takeover Party! (HBO)

Were you expecting Bill Compton to have a master plan? To be nice Bill all along and not some crazy vampire religious zealot?

It could have happened that way. But yeah, it didn't. The opposite happened.


When Eric and Sookie track him down in his Massive Master Authority Crazy Person Bedchamber, Bill has just staked Salome (I'd say R.I.P. to Salome, but it wouldn't mean it), having tricked her into drinking "Lilith's blood" that he has spiked with lots of silver.

Some major "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" stuff here (before she's staked, Salome even says "she chose wisely), but Bill has the real vial of blood. And he's thirsty.


"This isn't you," Sookie urges Bill.

Oh, but it is. For all Sookie knows, Bill says, he could have been lying to her the whole time. You know, being sweet and sensitive and Southern gentleman farmer vamp and whatnot. Sookie cries as Bill goes on a religious sermon-rant.

"I told you the first time we met: vampires often turn on those they love the most," Bill says and he downs the Lilith blood.

He starts to cough. Blood spews from his various orifices and he explodes, vampire true-death style. I gasped. Even my roommates, who were watching with me and don't particularly like the show but I make them watch, gasped as well.

Major character death?

Not quite. Eric watches as the pool of blood that was once Bill starts to move, and Bill, what the hell, rises, naked, blood-covered male-Lilith style (Milith?).

And he roars at them.

Sookie: "F---."

Eric: "Run."

How's that for a cliffhanger? Truthfully, I've been particularly unimpressed with this wildly uneven season. But the season finale (written by show creator Alan Ball, who is stepping away from running the show after this season) delivered in a big way -- with gruesome deaths, a pretty badass Authority takeover mission and one big development in Tara and Pam's relationship.

But let's backtrack to where the core of the cast ended up at the Authority. And the beginning of the episode got things rolling with a big, big shocker.

Russell Edgington died. In the first two minutes.


Battling the fairylight from the group in invisible fairyland, Russell seems to be able to fight them all off. He laughs his crazy villain laugh until -- surprise -- Eric shows up and stakes him.

"Well that felt even better that I thought it would," Eric says. Yes, Eric was pretty much the moral compass (really) and savior of this episode.

Sookie runs away from her fairy kin to look after Jason who was knocked out by misplaced fairylight, which apparently made him really, really hate vampires. He is done with them. He sees his parents telling him to hate vampires, which doesn't really help (sidenote: a major unresolved plotline here is not discovering which vampire killed Sookie's parents, the Worlo character. I'm assuming that's saved for Season 6? Or something?)

Anyway, Sookie and Jason regroup at her house (aka: run away from Nora who wants to eat her because she smells good). Soon, Eric, Nora and Tara appear to recruit Sookie to help storm the Authority building and recue Jessica, Pam, Bill and Everyone Else in Bon Temps. It was awkward watching Tara, who basically ignores Sookie, matter-of-factly tell her that she owes Pam this (Pam, after all, saved Tara's life by turning her).

Sookie agrees, but not before having to hear Jason be all, "I hate fangers, blah blah blah, they should all die." Eric has a plan, though. He and Nora, still believed to be trustworthy Chancellors, arrive at the Authority appearing to kidnap Sookie, Jason and Tara.

It works and they're let in to begin their work.

But some of the work has already been done for them. In a great scene, Luna shifts into Steve Newlin, takes Emma, but not before being forced to do AVL damage control on the live news. Mid-broadcast, Luna shifts back into herself and begins to tell the audience about the bad things happening at the Authority.

Chancellor Rosalyn, meanwhile, is horrified. Sam, who shifts into a fly, flies into Rosalyn's mouth and then shifts back into himself, forcing her to explode. Luna looks like she's about to die. Chancellor Rosalyn officially has one of the best death scenes in "True Blood" history.

In case you were wondering what would happen to a vampire if a shifter flies into their mouth and then shifts back into themselves while inside them. That happens.

So Rosalyn's out. The group enters the building and Jason immediately shoots the receptionist (but she just passed statistics!). Eric makes quick work of all the Authority guards (a little too easy). Sookie and Tara, meanwhile, go down to the jail and rescue Pam and Jessica. In a great, sort of surprising moment, Tara and Pam immediately embrace with a passionate kiss.

Yes Yes Yes, a thousand times Yes. Love this.

Sookie's response: "Oh OK."

Jessica's response: "I knew it." Sadly, Jessica's love life doesn't go so well. When she tells Jason she loves him he says he can never love vampires. Ever. Sigh.

Then Salome is offed by Bill. And Bill turns into Milith. In grand "True Blood" tradition, I'm sure we'll delve into that immediately at the start of Season 6. The big question at the end of this is the question of who killed Sookie and Jason's parents. Will that drive Season 6? Or it will be all about running away from Milith?

THE BEST BIRTH EVER: About 75 percent of the season finale revolved around the Authority. And rightfully so. But the other major highlight was watching the birth of Maurella and Andy's half-fairy, half-human babies.

Yes, babies. Four of them. A fairy-human litter. And we learn fairies have major orgasms when giving birth. Like glass-breaking (literally) orgasms. "Who knew watching an alien give birth could be so comforting," Arlene says watching at Merlotte's (Maurella gives birth on a pool table) while downing some of Lafayette's special Cajun Margaritas (which I really want to try. Now).

"I can't believe I'm midwifing for your pregnant girlfriend -- who I just found out about," Holly says. She's now presumably Andy's former girlfriend, especially since these kids are now fully his responsibility.

"Take good care of them," Maurella says. "You sired them. Now it's your sacred duty to see that at least half of them survive into adulthood."

Fairies have some interesting traditions. But I'm not quite sure I really want Andy Bellefleur to be saddled with four babies next season. I can already see the diaper gags.

ALCIDE GOES AND ... SNOOOOOOZE: Look, I like the Alcide character, but why have I been wanting to fast-forward every time he appears on screen for the past few episodes?

After a quick almost romp with Sookie and dealing with the aftermath of Debbie Pelt's death, Alcide has been regulated to moping around his sad-sack father's place. The latest developments -- saving Rikki from a V overdose, finally standing up to packmaster JD and killing him -- are just as uninteresting.

Hey, "True Blood." Next season, give him something interesting to do in Season 6.


As Pam said, "Must all roads lead to f---ing Sookie?" Apparently so.

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