If anyone ever makes Jermaine Paul be a back-up singer again, America needs to punch that person in the face.
The anticipation was murderous, but America finally found out who won the second season of "The Voice"and a recording contract — after all mandatory reality show dramatic pauses — so this season's winner is ... Jermaine Paul, the Alicia Keys back-up singer who was ready to make it big on his own.
Yes, Team Blake took home the crown this year, and the few minutes following that announcement were the best the show has ever seen.
The other two hours? Well, let's look at some highlights.
There was a mess of other stuff going on, and some of it, however, was pretty good:
Juliet Simms joining Flo Rida on stage for his single "Wild Ones" — is there anything she can't do?
Keenan Carlisle's guest spot as Cee Lo (or a sexy, hairless ewok as he would say on "SNL") hosting a "Voice" competition for cats. That's a show I would probably watch in real life, at least for one episode.
Justin Bieber's debut television performance of "Boyfriend" — This is on the list because it's Justin Bieber and no Canadian teenager should have that much swag. I salute you.
Hall & Oates performing "Rich Girl" — Because I say to you without a trace of irony, Hall & Oates are hip. You know what is ironic? Jermaine Paul sang back-up. After months and months of stressing how this was Jermaine's chance to be a frontman, and you make him be a backup singer again? Good one, NBC.
The "Parks & Recreation" promo they managed to sneak in there — Ron Swanson apparently shares my love of the spinning chairs. Ron Swanson is a good man.
And in the midst of all this hullaballoo, "The Voice" went on a massive nostalgia bender.
Back-stage montages from the season! Candid, off-the-cuff interviews! The joviality! The best of all these sequences was the one addressing an issue on everyone's mind: the bromance between Adam and Blake. "Miranda's jealous," Blake said, "but I think it's cute … but I don't have a crush on him. But, he is a good looking man." Imagine what the bromance will be next season, with Blake having taken the "Voice" crown from Adam with Jermaine's victory.
Ah yes, the reason we're all here. Oh, no? No, just a few more minutes, Carson Daly? We can all wait …
First, Carson announced Chris Mann came in last place, and Tony Lucca in third, but only "one-fourth of one percentage point" separated fourth and third place. Whatever, Carson, you lost me with the math. And someone tell Christina to put on pants.
Then, after the ... world's ... longest ... pause, Jermaine was named the winner over Juliet Simms. With everyone in tears, Blake had Jermaine by the arms, shouting "You did it! You did it!" But all Jermaine could do was hold his head in his hands and cry.
Someone placed a microphone in his hand, and soon Jermaine was singing "I Believe I Can Fly" between his sobs and hugs from family members. He sang most of the song from the arms of his wife, and I kept thinking this was probably the least opportune time to ask him to sing. But I guess he'd better get used that — he'll never be a background singer again. Now, he and Blake just need to record a soul album together.