'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: Episode 3, 'The Honeymoon Is Over'

After sobbing that she has never loved anyone as much as she loves Eddie, Tamra explains that she was jealous of Vicki touching him. She apologizes to Brooks for being disrespectful and states that she does not want her two "best friends" touching. Not even to high-five. Then she suggests body shots and asks Brooks if he's a "tit man or an ass man." Send mixed messages much?

While the honeymoon is over for Tamra and Eddie (and Tamra and Vicki.  And Tamra and Brooks.), it's just beginning for Tamra and Gretchen. Watch out, Gretch -- I think Tamra's just a wee bit dysfunctional. They start their love fest at a sex toy shop where they spend $265.07. Hmmm. Later, at Heather's 100 percent carb-less (but only 98 percent real) painting party, Tamra and Gretchen declare themselves BFFs.Vicki and Alexis overcompensate with each other. 

Our amateur detectives, Smiley & Gretch, dig up the dirt on Vicki's beau, Brooks. Finally it comes out: After years of criticizing Slade for not paying child support, Vicki is dating a man who has been arrested -- twice! -- for not paying child support. And this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Vicki's "Do as I say, not as I 'Woo-Hoo' philosophy." Just ask Jeana … but we'll leave that alone for now.

On to tonight's awards…

Worst Dressed: Gretchen

Gretchen – What the hell did you put on to walk the dogs?!?It's actually a super-cute outfit, but save it for when you and Slade play naughty cheerleader. Minus the snow boots.  In Southern California.

Worst Actress: Heather

When she tells her husband she is throwing a painting party, he asks if there is a chance they may throw paint at each other. Heather responds with a heavily affected, "Why would they do that?" Uhh, really? You seriously expect us to believe you are looking at millions of dollars in real estate with a broker that you never Googled? You know you looked up Tamra Barney and you know you know about last season's wine-throwing incident. That you think we the viewers don't know that you know is the real insult!You know?!

Best Actor: Brooks

After Boobgate in Catalina, Brooks says to Tamra, "Great party, thanks for the invite." And that damned charming Southern drawl makes me believe he meant it.

Realest Real Housewife: Alexis

Last wee, she shut Peggy down, and this week, she nails it with one statement: "I think Heather is pretentious." She's not being catty. She's not being bitchy. She's just calling it like she sees it.  And I applaud her for it.

Do you agree with tonight's awards?  Have your own to add?  Let me know in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice