Alexis Bellino goes glamping
Alexis Bellino goes glamping (Michael Rosenthal/Bravo)

Last week in the O.C., Sarah had a meltdown, Tamra downsized to itty-bitties, and Jim had a "come to Jesus" dinner with Alexis. And Jesus told Jim to tell Alexis to quit Fox 5. Turns out Jim may not be that far off — tonight's episode may actually signify the Second Coming because Vicki finally admits she owes someone 50 percent of an apology, and the ladies spend the night somewhere other than a Ritz-Carlton hotel. I believe these are the first two signs of the Apocalypse.

Remember the good ol' days when watching "Real Housewives" meant an inside peek into the daily lives of well-off women? This season in Orange County it is pretty much one random trip after another. We've watched them play Bunco in spandex, run through mud for virtually no reason, get together for drunk bowling and now they are going glamping. At this point, they are pretty much like the old "Road To" movies with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. As if their lives are not interesting enough on their own and we need some exotic destination in order to give a crap. OK ... maybe it really is like that!


So a-glamping we will go! Tonight's trip is organized by Alexis who is still recovering from her nose job. Her doctor recommended she stay home, and Alexis took that to mean 'be sure to bring your hair and makeup girl'. Surprisingly enough, Vicki and Heather agree to go on the trip without Tamra. Bowling is one thing, but an overnight stay is an entirely different animal. No one would recommend that you go into the woods with women who are not your friends. Vicki takes that to mean "be sure to bring your daughter who is recovering from thyroid surgery."

Despite ignoring common sense and medically sound advice, Vicki and Alexis learn an important lesson from glamping.  They actually like each other when Tamra is not around! They also learn that it is considered 'full-on camping' if there are bugs in the outdoors and if there is not enough counter space for your beauty products. Make that two important lessons.

Back home on the range, Tamra is recovering from her breast reduction surgery while Eddie mourns the loss of her double Ds. Gretchen is still nursing her vocal cords back to health…by screeching for every vocal coach in town. For the record, I think Gretchen is going to kill it in her debut with the Pussycat Dolls in Las Vegas. Gretchen is a consummate performer and last I checked, perfect pitch is not a requirement for a burlesque show. In Vegas.

Get your sleeping bags ready and hunker down for tonight's superlatives:

Most Likely to Put Out a Fire: Shannon

For the first time in Bravo history, the 'friend' who goes to an event with the Housewife does not stir up trouble! This leads me to believe that Shannon is the only person in tonight's episode that I would count on in an emergency situation. It also leads me to believe that she is not really Alexis' friend, but perhaps a court-appointed liaison of some sort.

Most Likely to Start a Fire: Andy Cohen

Umm, really Bravo? Sending a pet store skunk into the middle of the campfire, just to scare the ladies? Nice try.

Most Likely to Get Attacked by a Bear: Heather

Because when she wears that bandana she looks like a transvestite looking for a rough time. I will go ahead and apologize on Heather's behalf for her gross misrepresentation of the community.

So who do you think is most likely to survive in the wilderness on their own? Cast your vote in the comments below and follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice.