Ben feels bad for Michael because he believes that he has a stronger connection with Des. Michael finds the two-on-one with Ben repulsive but plans on accepting the challenge to show Des that Ben is a fraud. Michael, who remember is a Federal Prosecutor, is going to use this "gladiator style setting" to murder Ben. I don't know which is more disturbing — the murder reference or the fact that Michael thinks he is Spartacus.
Back on the group date, Des and the boys hop in a gondola, travel to the highest mountain peak in Germany and marvel at the beauty of the top of the trees and fog. When they finally break through the clouds, the view is majestic until it was interrupted by old yeller's cousin, old yodeler. After failing miserably at learning to yodel, Des and the boys slide down the mountain on tiny little sleds and basically pile up onto each other. Then they have the mandatory "Bachelorette" snowball fight.
Things start to heat up when Des and the guys head to an indoor hotel-igloo-fort thing, complete with couches and a plate full of pretzels. Brooks talks with Des about his emotional process during the group date, and tells her how he soaked it all in and lived in the moment. Des grabs him mid-sentence and they make out, big time!
Mikey (who has great dimples, BTW) wants to make a Mikey and Des snowman family of five or 10. Zak interrupts their snowman family building time with a big yodel and Mikey T calls him a singing jackass, which is an appropriate and accurate description. Des responds by yodeling back like Swiss Miss. Great, now Des thinks she's Heidi.
Des ditches Mikey and hangs with Zak, who tells her that when he was in college, he thought he was going to be a priest until he went on a soul searching mission at the top of mountain and realized he was not supposed to be priest. Now he's on a similar mission 10 years later, on the same mountain! I anticipate the same outcome. The priesthood wasn't your calling, and neither is Des.
James and Des hang out in a back ice bedroom and make out while Brooks leans in and watches. Drew, who is wearing a scarf that no man should ever wear, calls James a vulgar, two faced player. James is confident that he is going to get the group date rose, but in the end it goes to creeper in the hallway Brooks.
Two-on-One Date: Michael and Ben
While the guys are freezing their asses off in the German ice brothel, back at the warm hotel Ben, Michael and Chris are staring at each other. The random hotel hallway coffee table followed them from Atlantic City to Germany, knocks on the hotel door and hands them the two-on-one date card.
Even before the date begins, Michael's blood is ready to boil and he declares "today is Armageddon." Michael thinks Des wants his help in exposing Ben's evil ways. Unless someone has committed a federal crime, no one really needs Michael's help for anything.
Des tells Ben and Michael to change into bathing suits so they can take the polar bear plunge in the icy lake. The threesome come out wrapped in terrycloth bathrobes. For some unknown reason, Michael ties the bathrobe sash around his head like a headband. Des is a trickster and instead of going in the freezing lake, they go in a hot tug. Des thinks the hot tug is best invention ever. Personally I think the Keurig is the best invention ever, but to each his own.
Michael listens as Ben talks about himself and looks bored and irritated. He calls Ben out on his baby mama drama, and tells Ben how bad it is for a kid to have a father who is never around. I can't hear Ben's answer over the sound of the water hitting the side of the tug.
Des is uncomfortable with Michael's confrontation, and it doesn't get any better at dinner when Michael calls Ben out on not going to church on Easter, not calling his son and not making friends with the other bros. Des tries to change the conversation and talks about important family traditions, which for her were pulling up the tent stakes every Sunday.