'Survivor Philippines' recap, episode 12, 'Shot into Smithereens'

The crew -- Michael, Malcolm, Carter, Lisa, Abi and Denise -- lines up.
The crew -- Michael, Malcolm, Carter, Lisa, Abi and Denise -- lines up. (CBS)

Back from Tribal Council, it's now clear to Abi that Mike, Lisa, Malcolm, and Denise are in an alliance, most likely because Jonathan flat out said so at the last Tribal Council. She's also a really bad liar, because she can't stop talking about the Idol that she doesn't actually have in a really goofy voice.

And now Lisa is realizing that she probably won't win against either Malcolm or Denise in the final three, and is regretting allying herself with them, since it goes against her values to betray once she's given her word. Great.


Now we're going to get to listen to Lisa whine and cry for the next hour trying to find some way to justify getting out of her alliance. What is she going to do without Jonathan to bounce her ideas off of?

It's Reward Challenge time, and it's time for the loved ones. Mike's son, also named Mike, is there for him. Carter gets his mom, and she's a tiny little thing. Denise's husband is there for her, and you don't realize how tanned everyone has gotten until you see them next to their pasty loved ones.


Lisa's brother Justice is there, and she full-on breaks down into an ugly cry. Abi's mom is there for her, and doesn't speak any English. Malcolm is last, and his brother Miles is there. Miles seems like a bit of a goof, to say the least.

The challenge is tossing muddy bags (to get the loves ones as dirty as possible, it seems) to their loved ones, who have to catch them and then use the bags to knock over bamboo poles. Reward is getting to bring their loved ones back to camp and have them stay overnight. I'm sure there will be food involved.

Right off the bat, Malcolm and Mike do well, while Abi's mom doesn't seem to want to throw the bags. Malcolm and Miles end up winning. Malcolm gets to pick someone else, and picks Lisa. Denise looks really disappointed. Then he gets to pick one more person, and I'm literally sitting here, saying "Pick Denise pick Denise pick Denise." But he doesn't; he picks Mike. I hope Denise understands, although she has been pretty rational thus far.

Malcolm describes his brother as "a knucklehead, but in a really nice way" and hopes his brother's big mouth doesn't ruin all of the work he's done in the last 33 days. And Mike's son is just like him -- he's been on the island for about an hour, and he's covered in blood.

At least Lisa has her brother to listen to her, because I know I'm sick of it.  Justice is actually trying to convince her that's it's just a game; and somehow getting outside validation has made it OK in her mind to actually play the game. I still think we're going to have to listen to her go back and forth on this for the rest of the episode.

Lisa does win a few points from me by saying that God pretty much keeps out of sports and other competitions.  Mike gets his son's shirt as he's leaving. Ha. That was a good idea.

Immunity Challenge time! I think Malcolm needs to win this. This challenge involves running across a balance beam over the water, and then using a hook to fish for bags, which have pieces of a pole that you have to use to trigger your flag.

There's enough elements to this challenge that it doesn't favor anyone. Case in point, Lisa, Malcolm, and Abi are the first to get a bag out of the water, but Carter and Malcolm are the first to start working on their poles. The poles are long enough fairly quickly, but not strong enough to push the button that releases the flag. Lisa, Mike, and Carter all have to go back to fix their poles.

Malcolm gets it done, and gets Immunity. I don't think he even knew how close he was to going home. And since he has to use his Immunity Idol next week, he's guaranteed a spot in the final four. Well done.

And now Lisa is saying that Malcolm winning Immunity was God's will. And Mike says that it's a sign that God has something waiting for them at the final four. I love how is hasn't occurred to either of them that maybe "God's plan" is for them to lose.

Malcolm and Mike are talking about whether to get rid of Abi or Carter. They'd like to get rid of Abi, but Carter might prove a problem if he wins immunity next week and screws up the final four. And there's still 18 minutes left in this episode, and I can't listen to them talk about this for the next 10 minutes. Hopefully it's a long Tribal Council.

Abi is trying to get people to not vote for her by being obnoxious, apparently. That should go well for her. Ha! Malcom compares Abi to the Dementors from Harry Potter with her ability to suck all the happiness out of a room (or a beach, as it were.)


Carter wonders if Abi's personality problems stem from her coming from another country. Denise refutes that, and I have to quote her directly: "It's this histrionic, dramatic, passive-aggressive, martyr ... it's not culture, it's the culture of Abi." Which, word, Denise.

And Abi is grabbing some piece of old Treemail, I think, and she's going to continue her charade of her fake Immunity Idol at Tribal Council? It will be interesting to see how Jeff deals with that.

Another great quote from Malcolm, after stating that he knows that it's a better strategic choice to get rid of Carter: "If Abi goes home tonight it's because she's a b----."

Tribal Council time. You can tell Carter thinks he's going home tonight, because he's immediately bitter at the thought that Abi could stay longer than him. Mike says that voting Carter out would be as hard as voting out his own son.

Lisa fully admits that she'd take someone to the final three that she can win again. Abi brings up the fake idol again, and Jeff doesn't bust her on it. Come on Jeff, that would have been awesome. I don't think anyone is buying it, anyway.

After voting, Jeff calls for anyone to use their Immunity Idol, which of course Abi doesn't do. Dammit! They vote out Carter. So much for 'keeping people who deserve to be here' huh Lisa and Mike? The argument worked when you were the people who wanted to be kept, but not so much now.

Next week: Abi is trying to break up the alliance of four, and even she knows that Lisa is the weak link.

Credits: Carter is disappointed that his time on Survivor is over, but he's not too surprised that everyone is thinking strategically at this point.

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