We're back for another season of "Survivor," and it's a new schtick — Gen X against the millennials. Get ready for a whole lot of gross generalizations, people. Apparently the Millennials don't want to grow up or get traditional jobs, and the Gen Xers hate social media and work really hard. Sure they do. I never thought I'd say it, but could I get a season of Brains, Beauty, and Brawn? That'd be great.
But wait, they just randomly handed out buffs and now they're all mixed up. So how are they against each other if they're on the same team? Or are they? Honestly, except for a couple who are obviously older or younger, I can't really tell the difference. Oh, apparently they are on separate teams.
The youngest millennial is 18, and still in high school. The oldest Gen X is 53, born in 1963. He makes comments about having to walk to the store for milk and getting trophies for everything, and then CeCe, another Gen Xer, says that millennials expect everything to be handed to them and don't want to work. We're six minutes in and I want to start ranting again. We'll see how long I can hold out.
The first challenge is to gather supplies — and there are short term and long term benefits to each choices. Do you take the cooking supplies or the hammer?
Jeff would like us to believe that the Millennials took the short-term things, and the Gen Xers are in it for the long haul. We'll see.
Jeff also lets the players know that they are in the cyclone season in Fiji, because if "Survivor" hasn't killed someone in almost 30 seasons, it's not for lack of trying.
The Millennials are bartenders, video game players and bible translators, and they see things in a completely different way than everybody else, you guys. No one has ever been like this before. They do get right down to building the shelter.
Zeke is the oldest Millennial, and says that he's also an 80-year-old in a 28-year-old's body, so he might be in for a rough time on that tribe.
The Gen Xers are much calmer arriving at their beach, but Paul (the oldest) starts making generalizations about how they should all share the same family values and be hard workers. He starts to make a bit of a speech about how awesome they are, and Ken interrupts him and quickly becomes my early favorite by cautioning them not to underestimate the Millennials because they're sharp thinkers.
Ken also endears himself further by explaining that he's been living off the grid in Maui for the last four years, so he can probably help with shelter building and other useful stuff.
During the mad grab for supplies, Jessica found an envelope. She's found the Legacy Advantage — if you're still around at Day 36, you'll get an advantage; if you get voted out, you have to will it to someone else. That's new.
Figgy (nickname based on her last name, not real name) thinks she's really good at being manipulative and hopes to get the million dollars and a husband. Well, that's not a very millennial attitude, is it? She joins up with Jay and Taylor and they form an alliance pretty soon. Michelle is also included in the group. There were way more "cute" and "cools" in those conversations that I've spared you.
Over at the Gen X beach, Paul and Rachel are not super getting along. I can't tell if it's Paul or Rachel. They are trying to build a fire pit, and Rachel is asking for super specific instructions. Oh, wait, it's Rachel that's totally annoying. She's passive-aggressive pushy. That should be fun.
David is a television writer and hates being outside. Wrong game, dude. Bret, a police sergeant, is a little surprised at his complete lack of outdoor skills. David is being paranoid about Paul and Ken having an Immunity Idol and wants to confront them right away. He's a little too eager to start with the gameplay and trying way too hard. He's not going to last long.
At the Millennials camp, the wind is starting to pick up and their shelter isn't done, and nobody seems to care except Adam, a homeless shelter manager. Everybody else decides to go swimming instead.
And now it's dark and they're trying to get a roof on the shelter. The base of their shelter also sucks, and it cracks when they get more than a couple of people on it. They're sure that they'll be fine for the night.
Update: The Millennials are so much not fine. Very much not fine. They are super wet and super miserable.
Over at the Gen X beach, they are also wet and miserable, but more accepting and less incredulous about it. It is a whole lot of rain. They get Treemail, which isn't about a challenge, but actually giving them a tarp to get through the storm because they didn't have adequate time to build a proper shelter before the storm hit. They do have to give it back when the weather clears, and if Jeff has to come looking for it, they'll lose even more.
This weather is going to get really, really bad if they're handing out tarps.
The place where the Millennials tried to build their shelter is a mud pit and there's only a few sticks left. Umm maybe move the shelter to somewhere that's not all mud?
They are struggling to get the tarp up over the mud and sticks, but then Jeff arrives on the beach. Apparently the storm is so bad it has now been classified as a cyclone, so they have to evacuate the players. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened. This must be one really, really bad storm.
The Gen Xers (their shelter does look much, much better but that might just be because of Ken) try and store some of their food in a safe place before they grab their personal items and get evacuated.
Day 2 brings a lot of rain. The Gen Xers' better shelter collapses. I'm feeling kind of bad for the camera men who had to get that footage.
Day 3 brings a clear sky, and the tribes come back to assess the damage. A tree fell on the Gen Xers shelter, so they have to rebuild. David is getting paranoid some more and admits he's scared of everything; Ken brings over a stick bug for him to see and he freaks out a bit. David decides he needs to find an Immunity Idol in order to stay in the game. Instead, he's actively pissing people off that he's looking for an Idol instead of helping with the shelter.
At the Millennials camp, Zeke and Jay take the lead in getting a decent shelter built. Zeke never expected to take a leadership role (he's from Brooklyn and the subway is as outdoorsy at he gets) but there is a leadership vacuum, so he fills it. He gets the shelter and a fire built.
Hannah, a barista, is worried that Figgy and the boys' alliance is going to take power. She talks to Mari about the rest of the tribe making sure they have the numbers. Mari, a YouTube video game player, quickly and efficiently talks to the rest of the people on the tribe.
Challenge time (finally)! Both tribes return their tarps to Jeff, so no additional penalties are needed. The challenge today is an obstacle course where each phase has a shortcut available — for each shortcut you take, you get 10 more pieces added to the puzzle at the end.
The Millennials agree to take the shortcut on the balance beam without even trying. Chris, on the Gen X team, successfully blocks two Millennials from getting their clubs, so the teams finish at the same time in the first obstacle.
Gen X takes the shortcut on the next two obstacles, so they will be doing the biggest puzzle. The Millennials take one shortcut, so they have 10 fewer pieces in their puzzle.
The Millennials are doing better on the puzzle, but the Gen Xers do better once they switch out Rachel and David. But it's not enough to catch up, and the Millennials win the first immunity.
It looks like it will either be David or Rachel going home — both sucked at the puzzle, and both have pissed people off at camp. Lesson for playing "Survivor," people: If you have to be annoying, don't suck at challenges, and if you have to suck at challenges, don't be annoying.
Tribal Council time! Fire is life, blah, blah, blah. Jessica has a bacterial infection in both of her eyes from the blowing sands during the storm. David freaks out when Jeff talks to him because he's scared of everything, but it seems like the tribe has a bit of affection for him because he can admit it. As opposed to Rachel, who doesn't realize how pushy and annoying she is. She just thinks she's "upfront" with people. I think it's going to be Rachel.
Voting time! First vote is for Dave, second is for Rachel. Then one for Sunday, and one for Cece. That's kind of all over the place. We get up to three for Cece and three for Rachel. Last vote is for Rachel, and she's going home. Cece looks a little surprised and disturbed that there were so many votes for her.
Next week: Romance is a-brewin' at the Millennial camp and there's a medical emergency at the Gen X camp.