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'Real Housewives of Potomac' premiere recap: Getting crabby

Full disclosure: I'm from North Bethesda, which is a few minutes from the Potomac line, and I went to private school in Potomac. So needless to say, I understand Potomac and I'm excited to provide you with my insight on the town.

For those who don't know about Potomac, it'' right outside D.C. and is a very rich area full of old money and new money. This series shouldn't be confused with the "The Real Housewives of D.C.," which was a housewives flop.

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Let's learn the housewives' taglines:

Gizelle Bryant: "The word on the street is that I'm the word on the street."

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Karen Huger: "In Potomac, it's not about who you know, it's who you are. And I'm everything."

Katie Rost: "I'm a ball and gala girl. It's my legacy and my calling."

Robyn Dixon: "I don't have a cookie-cutter life and I'm not apologizing for it."

Charrisse Jackson Jordan: "If I don't know who you are, then you're not worth knowing."

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The taglines that embody Potomac the most would be Karen's, Katie's and Charrisse's. Doesn't Charrisse just sound like the mean girl in high school who would bump into you without apologizing?

In case you were wondering, my tagline would be "How can you be trending if you don't have your own hashtag? #JessSoYouKnow." Cute right?

Anyways, after the introduction and throughout the episode there was a lot of b-roll (additional footage, for those of you who aren't journalists) of golf courses, country clubs, horses, the Billy Goat Trail, the Potomac River, horses, tennis courts and horses.

Did I mention horses? When you can't find mansions being built, Potomac is full of farms with horses. So now let's meet the housewives.

Gizelle Bryant: We first meet Gizelle baking in the kitchen with her three daughters. In her side interview, she says, "You just don't jump up and move to Potomac. Only legacy or large cash flow can get you in."

I would agree with this statement. Bottom line is you need money in order to keep up with Potomac. Gizelle's father was one of the first African Americans to be in the Texas Legislature in the 1960s. He worked with Martin Luther King Jr. and Andrew Young. Gizelle is from Potomac but moved to Baltimore when she married. After she divorced she returned to Potomac and it was "like a ticker tape parade."

Katie Rost: We are introduced to Katie when she is getting lunch with her boyfriend, Andrew. Katie hopes Andrew proposes to her. She says she "loves the white boys and loooves the Jewish boys."

As a Jewish girl myself, I too love the Jewish boys and in Potomac there are a lot of Jewish boys. Katie has three kids under the age of 3, dear lord, from her first marriage. At lunch, Katie tells Andrew she is going to Preakness that weekend, which he didn't know about.

She then gives us the great line of "I don't think Andrew understands that to be socialite is a full-time job and to be a philanthropist is a full-time job." That might be the Holy Grail of "Housewives" lines. Apparently, Katie's family is famous for their philanthropic efforts in Potomac and she spends her evenings at galas, which is "like prom on crack," as she says.

Robyn Dixon: She's a free spirit and works in PR. We meet her house when she's about to sell her wedding dress on eBay. She's been divorced for three years and the dress is taking up space.

Who was she married to? Juan Dixon! If you're a Terp like me you know that Dixon was a star on Maryland's basketball team. They divorced because of infidelity on his part according to Robyn. Robyn says "I guess that's what happens when you marry someone in the NBA instead of someone with a MBA." Again, quality line. Even though she's divorce, she still lives with Juan so they can raise their children together.

Karen Huger: She is married to the "Black Bill Gates," as she says, and has a son and a daughter. She bought her daughter a customized designer dress for prom. My prom dress was $125 from David's Bridal. Just saying.

Karen is a farmer's daughter. She lived in Germantown, about 25 minutes from Potomac, and when she married Ray they moved to Potomac. She says she has a leadership role among the black women in Potomac that she's had for 20 years.

Karen and Gizelle have tea together and Gizelle asks her where her daughter is going to college. Karen says that her daughter doesn't want her to tell people but that it is a top 10 school. First of all, you can tell it's her daughter not wanting people to know because moms around here love to brag about their kids. Second, what type of top 10 school? Top Ivy League? Party school? The list goes on and on.

Charrisse Jackson Jordan: I'm convinced she is the long lost sister of Countess Luann from "The Real Housewives of New York" because she loves her etiquette. She's the queen of etiquette in Potomac. Her husband is Eddie Jordan, who was the Washington Wizards head coach and is now head basketball coach at Rutgers University. So he lives in New Jersey and she's in Potomac.

Charrisse says, "Potomac doesn't define me. I define Potomac." Seriously though, these housewives are giving us some golden lines.

Drama that happens:

The ladies go out to dinner for Karen's birthday. Karen is late so they order food without her. Charrisse thinks the ladies are breaking etiquette rules because you shouldn't order until the entire party is there. Karen then shows up and is mad that Gizelle is sitting in the middle of the table where she should be sitting. At the birthday dinner, Charrisse announces she's having a crab boil gathering, normal for Maryland.

Fast forward to crab boil day. Gizelle and her hairdresser/friend Kal arrive at Charrisse's house early to help set up for the party. Gizelle complains about how long it takes to walk up the driveway to the house.

This is very typical Potomac; people have really long driveways.

Charrisse isn't happy that Gizelle brought a friend without permission; it doesn't follow the "book of etiquette." She takes them to the garage where she has buckets full of live crabs. Some of the crabs get out and they have to put them back in. Very funny moment.

Charrisse goes upstairs to get her makeup done. Meanwhile, downstairs in the kitchen, Gizelle and Kal go through Charrisee's cabinets. Gizelle and Kal go upstairs and Charrisse is NOT happy. Charrisse says she doesn't "go into people's homes and assume a level of comfort."

I understand that if you aren't good friends, but if you are good friends isn't that expected? I walk into my friends' apartments and go straight to their fridge. But I guess that's why this is "Real Housewives of Potomac" and not "Real Housewives of North Bethesda."

Charrisse makes them go downstairs and says, "That's why I don't go to the ghetto." I guess she's referring to when Gizelle lived in Baltimore? If so, loaded words Charrisse, loaded words.

She later says that maybe Gizelle should go back to Baltimore and "deal with the people she's used to." She is throwing a lot of shade Baltimore's way.

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The party starts and Charrisse is still getting ready. Gizelle tells Karen about how Charrisse didn't want Kal to do her hair. In Karen's side interview, she says, "Who in the world walks around with the help at a private event?" Oy.

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Karen gives Gizelle a framed list of etiquette rules and calls her out for sitting in the middle of the table at her birthday dinner. She is actually mad that she sat in her seat.

Next week we’ll see how the Gizelle/Karen Etiquettegate plays out.

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