So, the big story this episode is Leslie and Ben's engagement party, to which Leslie has invited both of Ben's very estranged parents.
Things seem to be going ok after Ben's mom arrives (and is promptly given a glass of wine) but then Ben's dad shows up with his much younger girlfriend, Ulani.
Leslie still thinks she can repair everything by revealing the "unity quilt" she's made, with squares to represent friends and family of both her and Ben. But once the quilt is revealed, it only causes more problems as she didn't make a square for Ulani.
Leslie tries to save the day by converting a square that was a waffle into a smiley face with Ulani's name written above it. But then that causes Ben's mom to have a conniption and she cuts her square out of the quilt.
In the end, Leslie and Ben confront Ben's parents and tell them they will both be required to attend the wedding but they will be kept, and must stay, as far apart from one another as possible.
In other plotlines, Tom is still running with his Rent-a-Swag idea and has involved long-time pal and former business partner Jean Ralphio to help him. They're planning on pitching the idea to Ron so he'll invest their needed start-up capital.
Over the course of the planning, Tom begins to realize how immature and irresponsible Jean-Ralphio is and starts to get exasperated with him. Eventually Tom ditches Jean-Ralphio to work on the presentation alone. When he goes to pitch to Ron in the morning, Ron agrees without hearing the presentation once Tom tells him that Jean-Ralphio is no longer involved.
Chris is all over the place emotionally after having started therapy and can't stop crying at everything. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of why am I still crying? Ann is unable to talk him down, so Andy and April take over and we get the return of Champion, the three-legged dog. But even that's not enough to quell the deluge. In fact, Champion laps up the tears as they run down Chris' face - awwww.
So then, Andy and April start telling him really happy things and really awful things, until Chris' mood is balanced. Chris takes the happy and Andy the terrible, of course.
And finally, we get a little bit of news on the Ann Perkins Love Life front -- she's trying to figure out who she is and what she wants before dating again. Although, there's a strong suggestion that the writers may be looking to pair her and Chris up again eventually.
Leslie: "Ben and I are getting married and I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops." Ben: "And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints."
Ben wants Twizzlers on the candy table, but Leslie insists they're a Red Vines family. First of all? Candy table? Now going to be at all my parties. Secondly, it'll be Twizzlers.
Someone with a bigger TV than me needs to tell me what Gold record Leslie has framed on her wall.
Leslie, when she and Ben are looking at the quilt: "Out of respect I did not include any images of the only other man in the world who's as sexy as you: Joe Biden." Ben, pointing to a sqaure with an American flag near the bottom of the quilt, "Yes, you did, it's right there." Leslie, dismissively, "Oh, that's just a little one" (In case you hadn't heard, Biden has a cameo on next week's episode.)
Ann concludes her toast to the happy couple with "And Ben, don't you dare hurt her." Which leads into a funny bit with Andy, Ron, Jerry, and Donna all seriously threatening him.
When Chris is sobbing, Donna pulls him to her bosom to confront him. And as his head is resting there, the look Retta gives the camera (Half: Can you believe this s---? and Half: Hot guy on my boob!) is amazing.
Leslie's mom: "Well, that's the Knope women for you; we see something adorable and we attack it." (I want to be an honorary Knope woman.)
Ben's solution to the parents at the party dilemma was to hire a taxi to sit outside the house so they could make a quick getaway if need be.
Ben describing his parents' interests: "Well, they're white people from Minnesota, so hockey, fishing, skiing, sailing, and after a few drinks put on a Prince album. Don't mention the Green Bay Packers or the state of Iowa."
Ron's been investing in gold since age 9 and has done very well for himself. But he's said too much.
Leslie: "Ben, on three separate occasions I have used quilts to mend fences. In 9th grade a quilt ended an argument between my two best friends. And a quilt settled the Donna/Jerry Parking Lot Feud of 2006." Ben: "And when was the third time?" Leslie: "Right f---ing now." Ben: "Ok, I still don't think it's going to work, but I'm really attracted to you right now." Leslie: "I know."
Leslie, when writing Ulani's name on the quilt, ask her what it means. Ulani unsmilingly answers, "Cheerful."
Maureen (Leslie's mom) discussing her marriage with Leslie's dad: "The important thing is that we always ended up on the same team. And in the same bed." Leslie makes a disgusted noise and Maureen sighs, "God, I miss that man." Then Leslie asks, "How can you be so wise and so inappropriate at the same time?" Maureen, "I'm a parent."
There's a moment when Ben's dad and Ron Swanson wordlessly face-off over the last bacon-wrapped shrimp. It's an even funnier gag if you remember XXX's work on Breaking Bad as Mike the fixer.
When Leslie invites Ben to run away with her in the waiting cab, he explains that they really do have to straighten things out with his parents. Leslie suggests that Phase I of the plan be for him to get in the back of the cab and "hardcore makeout" with her for 15 minutes. The cab driver agrees to the arrangement for another 100 bucks.