'Once Upon a Time' recap, Girls night

What was up with the dialogue tonight? With lines like "You finally became the wolf" and "Sorry my daughter, this is what it means to be a wolf," I found it hard to take this episode seriously.

Aside from presenting some of the worst acting to date, "Child of the Moon" went into more detail about Red's wolf past, which I thought was a good thing. What's not to love about werewolves?

From mouse to man to cadaver

For those that need a quick refresher: Last season, "Once" put a huge spin on the Little Red Riding Hood story by making Red and the wolf the same person. In order for Red to transform back into a human or not not turn into a wolf at all, she needs her red cloak. Although this defeats the purpose of the well-known children's fairy tale, it gets points for originality. 

Anyway, Storybrooke is about to have its first full moon in 28 years, which means Red is going to turn into a wolf. Unfortunately this means she can't hook up with handsome tow-truck guy Billy, who was a mouse in his fairytale life. Sorry Billy, but that relationship is just not going to work.

Red is scared that she's going to hurt people but Charming trusts that she won't based on his intuition. Charming gets the award for worst zookeeper of the year.

At the diner, George reveals himself to Charming and vows to bring him down and says he's not fit to run Storybrooke. Charming thinks otherwise. Jerry! Jerry! George plans to use Charming's trust in Red to show to the townspeople that their prince cares more about a wolf than their wellbeing. I mean, I would too because wolves are awesome.

Sure enough, Red manages to claw her way out the cage overnight. Charming and Granny find Red asleep in the woods, alone and confused. She tells them blacked out last night and doesn't know why she's been sleeping outside. Been there, girl. 

Someone calls Charming, informing him that Billy the tow-truck guy is parked illegally. That's because he's dead. Red thinks she killed him during her blackout. She freaks out and asks to be thrown in jail so she won't kill anyone else.

Charming throws her in jail only to be chastised by George, who says he's putting the town in danger. George is being very Charles Widmore-y and I don't like it. George persuades the townsfolk, who now have pitchforks and torches in their hands, to break into the jail and kill Red. I wonder what someone would think if they happened to be driving through Storybrooke and saw this. "These guys know how to party," is what comes to mind. 

Red has relocated to the library where Belle wants to stay with her when she turns. Girls night! Red isn't having any of this and locks Belle up. She wants to surrender herself to the angry mob and claims that she's a monster and that she deserves to be killed. I think Belle finally realized that it's not she, but Red who is the "hot but crazy girl with issues" of Storybrooke.

Granny and Charming find the axe used to kill Billy along with Red's hood in the trunk of George's car. Surprise! Red isn't a murderer. George set the whole thing up because he's a schemer and that's what schemers do. 

Just as George and the mob are about to slaughter the wolf, Granny fires a crossbow that puts a damper on their fun. Charming approaches Red with the cloak and calms her down, getting close enough to throw it on so she turns back into a human. Wouldn't it have been funny if Red took a bite out of Charming's hand? You know, just for kicks.

George has the last laugh however, as he throws the magic hat into the fire. In the beginning of the episode, the dwarves found diamonds to make fairy dust that would have turned the hat into a portal again. It looks like Emma and Snow will have to find another way back to Storybrooke. I hear Southwest has good deals these days. 

Mom of the year

And the award for Mother of the Year does NOT go to Red's mom. But really, what is up with the moms on this show? Red's flashback revealed that her mom Anita was alive unlike Granny said. Unfortunately she wasn't very motherly and kind of just wanted to teach Red how to kill things.

Red and Snow are on the run from the Queen's henchmen. Her cloak gets torn in the process and she freaks out again, telling Snow she thinks a torn cloak won't stop her from turning. She splits and tells Snow she'll meet up with her once the full moon is over.

Her cloak still manages to work, but a male wolf named Quinn steals it from her and tries to burn it. Red tackles him to the ground and then he gets on top and flashes his wolf eyes. Smooth move, Quinn. He explains to Red that she can be tought to control her wolf alter-ego. He leads her to a trap door in the middle of the forest which isn't creepy at all. It turns out that a pack of wolves live in what used to be the grand hall of the castle. 

Quinn introduces Red to her mother Anita, who says Granny stole Red away so she wouldn't discover the truth. Anita tells her that wolves need to embrace their true nature in order control herself.

"If you give into the wolf, you won't black out." Seriously? Red runs with her new pack, in a sequence that would have been beautiful if the wolves didn't look so fake. 

Later on, Snow comes through the trap door and interrupts the wolf party. She wants Red to come back with her, but she's having mixed feelings and wants to stay. Red, you are not ride-or-die right now. 

Snow unfortunately attracts the Queen's men, who storm the hideaway, killing Quinn in the process. Anita is pissed and has Snow tied up, ready to be eaten for dinner. That's when you know the party is over.

Anita wants Red to do the honors of killing her best friend. Of course she can't do it, so Anita decides to take matters into her own teeth and charges at Snow. Red saves the day by intervening and killing her own mother. Red and Snow have a small funeral for her crazy mother and then they leave to find a cabin in the woods. Not the best idea, guys.

Fairy dustings

The dwarves want to go to happy hour, but Grumpy literally won't do anything until he mines his way  to the diamonds. He conveniently breaks through the rock and finds a bountiful amount of crystals. Now all they need to do is grind them up to make fairy dust. In other words, Walter White needs to make a trip to Storybrooke.

Henry/Aurora's dream: 

We actually get to see Henry and Aurora in their scary joint-dream. They are both about to get burned by fire. Regina (oh hey Regina!) notices a burn on Henry's hand and takes him to Dr. Rumpel. Rumpel suspects Henry may be the victim of a sleeping curse and that the dream is a journey between life and death. He prescribes Henry a necklace to control the journey, which I presume he will continue to encounter. Meanwhile, Aurora has the same dream and informs Snow and Emma that she saw Henry. 

What does all of this mean? I really couldn't tell you. I suspect Cora has put a spell on both of them but unless she has a connection to someone in Storybrooke, I don't see how she could've gotten to Henry. This does seem to be forming into a central plot for the season though, which I fully support. After six episodes of fooling around, this season finally looks like it's getting some direction.

"I'm sort of an expert when it comes to rehab." -- an overly proud Belle. 

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