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'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' recap: Season finale

Rob MacElhenney, left, and Charlie Day in typical mischief
Rob MacElhenney, left, and Charlie Day in typical mischief (Fox)

No Longer on the Mountain Top

– Dennis comes to a hard realization – he’s not a cool kid anymore. In fact, he’s been ditched by all of the cool kids and left alone, at his high school reunion, with his sister. Dennis decides revenge is in order and sets sail to bang Tim Murphy’s wife – and avenge his prom date.

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Freight Train

– At the reunion, Charlie regains consciousness after passing out from self-inflicted inhalants. He finds himself hanging by the waistband of his briefs, along with Frank and Mac – fellow wedgy victims. Dee, in need of allies, comes crawling back to the hanged three stooges, with talks of vengeance. Charlie and Mac decide to reunite the “Freight Train,” which is just their pathetic excuse of a criminal entourage. To complete the Freight Train, they’re going to need to employ the skill set of “Psycho Pete.”

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Realizing Psycho Pete was so crazy, he avoided a prison sentence via an insanity plea, the Freight Train recruits Dee.

Dude, you're wearing makeup

– It all makes sense now. Dennis’ metrosexuality has given off a whiff of homosexuality, and has given every woman the impression he was off the market. The makeup, the girdle, all of his petty attempts at beautifying himself have actually turned off every lady in the room, minus the waitress.

So, since he’s powdered up and wearing a girdle, he delivers a dramatic monologue similar to a Shakespearean monarch and stomps out of the gym. Nobody cares.

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Return of the Aluminum Monster –

Dee’s wedgy has damaged her back so badly, she has to dust off the old back brace.

A Flash Light, Zip Ties, Duct Tape and Rubber Gloves –

Dennis keeps an odd toolbox in his trunk. It’s for fetish stuff apparently. I’ll take his word for it, but his psycho meltdown provides the Gang with just enough psycho to replace Psycho Pete.

After issuing a challenge to throw down, which is rejected by the cool kids by way of natural maturity, an unlikely Frank delivers the pump-up speech of the decade.

“If life pushes, you push back. If you’re dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta stuff 'em down somebody’s throat, until they see yellow.” Unsure of what he means, the Gang goes to “Plan B.”

Plan B –

yeah, it’s just a dance routine.

Well, Gang, this is the end of a disappointing season. At the very least, the series is signed on for another two years with the option for a third. This year has been pretty disappointing, with a few glimpses of genius (Rum Ham, anyone?)

Look on the bright side: They have two years to save their show, and if not, "The League" is still in its prime. Thanks for reading.

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