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'Gotham' recap: 'Red Hood'

"So, you're the one causing all of the fuss?"

Look out, Dollmaker — you have no idea what you’re in store for. This is Fish Mooney we’re talking about.

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She’s what makes this show so mesmerizing to watch (next to Penguin, of course), and we witnessed that first hand in “Red Hood.”

What an intense episode! Fish, in all her badass glory, shows us there’s no tougher, scrappier or smarter villain in Gotham.

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Sure, Penguin will cut a fool who talks smack about his mom. But how many gangsters do you know will go all Baskin Robbins on their eye sockets just to outlive their captors?

That’s right, she spoons out her eye (AGGHH!), lets it drop to the ground then stomps it under her foot. I repeat: She stomps on her own eyeball! Whoa!

No way does the organ-harvesting Dollmaker (yup, that Dollmaker — he’s back!) want just one eye. The only person who would want one eye is the person who’s given a choice between that and having no eyes. So, Fish gets to hold onto one eye, and her life.

What a brilliant negotiator. She won’t settle for any bum deal on the table, and you know her options are limited the second she sees patients, um, victims wrapped in bandages from head to toe and lying in bathtubs of ice. Cringe.

Fish’s rise from the depths from the Dollmaker’s prison has been slow and calculating — and it’s been worth it just to lead up to this one moment.

If this is any indicator to how spectacular her final escape from that prison will be, I can’t wait to see the rest of her journey along the way.

Back in Gotham, a dark cloud hangs over Wayne Manor. No, literally. Practically every scene at Wayne Manor this episode has a thunderstorm at night. That wouldn’t be so weird if the rest of Gotham in the next scene didn’t always have clear skies.

It all begins when a shady visitor shows up to Wayne Manor drenched in rain. You know, because he arrives during a thunderstorm at night.

The visitor is down-on-his-luck and recovering alcoholic Reginald, Alfred’s friend from his days in the Queen’s army.

Alfred invites him in, and Bruce lets him stay for a few nights. In turn, he teaches Bruce unorthodox sparing methods, which don’t fit with Alfred’s curriculum.

“But they’re effective,” Bruce says. “Discipline, skill and hard work are effective,” Alfred retorts. Snap! Alfred knows how to throw a punch and some shade.

Later, Reggie polishes off two bottles of wine with Alfred at Bruce’s insistence. Poor kid — he’s too young to know he’s an enabler.

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Alfred draws the line when he brings up old war stories in front of Bruce. Again, during a thunderstorm at night.

"You're a war dog, Alfie,” Reggie says. “You're a cold-blooded lethal war dog, is what you are.”

Alfred tells him to pack up and leave. Later that night, he finds Reggie pilfering through Bruce’s study and confronts him, asking him to leave.

“Did you bring a gun?” Reggie asks. Run, Alfred! That’s a red alert that you’re about to get punched, shot or stabbed. Reggie went with the latter, then bolted.

Bruce comes to his rescue (aww, he’s learning so fast!), and Alfred’s taken to the ICU.

“I can’t lose him,” Bruce sobs to Jim, “He’s all I have.”

He’s Alfred — of course he’ll make it out of this. Could you imagine if they killed off Alfred Freaking Pennyworth, especially one this awesome? Fanboys and fangirls would riot in the newsfeeds.

What Bruce should worry about is what Reggie told the villainous board of Wayne Enterprises.

Turns out, he was sent to Wayne Manor on a mission to spy on Bruce’s theories of his parents’ murder and the misappropriated money for Arkham.

The person who hired Reggie was none other than that shifty Molly “Isn’t that awesome?!” Mathais. Ugh, I knew it wouldn’t take long to see her again.

Reggie tells her they should make their move on Bruce quick, even though he’s a “good kid.” Like that’s going to stop her.

It’s pretty pathetic when you’re hiring layers and hit men to take down a tweener. But then again, this is Bruce Wayne — he’s a force to be reckoned with.

Will Alfred be well in time to be by Bruce’s side as he takes on Mathais and her cronies? Or will he put his training to use and face them alone?

MORE HIGHLIGHTS FROM "RED HOOD":

Best Harvey One-Liner:

Tie! “Well, if I don’t drink it, forensics will.” – Harvey to Jim when he’s cracking open a bottle of soda found in a fridge… on a shelf right above a murdered gang member.

“I need a Danish.” – Harvey right after Jim takes the hood off the recently killed leader of the Red Hood Gang. That’s one way to cope. To anyone who thinks sugar addiction isn’t real, there’s the proof right there. (And my recent dental exam, oof.)

Honorable #Bullockism Mention:

“Give me the double Ds — dirty details. Don’t leave anything out.” – Harvey to Jim about his love life with Leigh.

Least Interesting Villains:

The Red Hood Gang. The usual Jim/Harvey crime-solving plotline got demoted to a B story. That’s for the better. You don’t want to introduce the Joker or another big-named villain when competing with Fish scooping out her eye and Alfred getting stabbed.

That said, I did enjoy the Red Hood Gang’s showmanship and their mistaken sense of altruism. Just because they wear hoods and make it rain on the public doesn’t make them Robin Hood. “Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor,” Jim says. “These armed thieves only threw away cash to guarantee their escape.”

Worst Game:

The last guy to wear the red hood. This poor kid thinks a wearing a mask will win his girlfriend back. Um, what about that fat stack of cash you got from sticking up banks? No bouncer can top that.

Biggest Burn:

“You’re a true beauty,” Barbara says to Selina, like the “cool” drunk at Thanksgiving giving her niece worldly advice. “Something you can use to your advantage. Your appearance can be a weapon — as powerful as any knife or gun.” “Yeah? What good’s it done you?” Selina replies. Ouch! Guess we won’t get that spinoff where Barb starts a ragtag orphanage. That’s OK. Barb will just soak her sorrows in booze until she and Jim reunite (you know that’s going to happen). Or buy clothes she won’t bother wearing. Psst! I’ll take them off your hands!

Lost in Translation:

“Doll” in German is “puppe,” not “dul.” But I see what you were going there with “Dolmacher,” and I approve.

Under Wraps:

What’s Fish hiding under that turban? I know, such a minor point in comparison to the eye-gouging moment, but her wig has always fascinated me, and I’m wondering if she’ll upgrade to a new one when she busts out of that hellhole. And on that note, will she rock an eye patch or get a glass eye? I’m hoping it’s an eye patch — a spiked or studded one, please. So badass!

Fast Frenemies:

“Perhaps it’s not our friends, but our enemies that define us,” Penguin tells Butch, referring to their mutual hatred of Fish. Butch’s makes me suspicious. Not that it’s surprising he’s no longer loyal to Fish; there was that time he considered ditching Fish and joining forces with that other mobster from Falcone’s gang. But why should we think he won’t turn on Penguin? Especially when he’s “done playing the sidekick.”

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Most Cryptic Quote:

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“[Fish] got what she deserved.” Butch has to know she’s being held captive in the Dollmaker’s organ-harvesting prison. Since he’s working for Falcone, and that’s probably who told him, does that mean Falcone is working with the Dollmaker?

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