'Glee' recap: The Spanish Teacher

Livin' la vida William McKinley High.

At first, I'd considered putting my Spanish minor and that fall semester in Spain to good use and write this recap in Spanish. But then I reconsidered because I couldn't get the accent marks and tildes to cooperate.


During his Taco Tuesday performance of "La Cucaracha," Mr. Schu feels as though he's out of touch. He later learns there's an open tenure position at William McKinley and, basically, he needs to step up his he enrolls in a Spanish class with no other than Rickey Martin...I mean, David Martinez.

Let's just take a moment to appreciate Senor Martinez's beauty...and his "Larry Bird white" beautiful teeth. Okay. Resume.


Martinez gives Schu the idea of having the glee kids sing en espanol and, thus, our weekly assignment is born. Mr. Martinez kicks things off with a bilingual performance of "Sexy and I Know It." Yes, you are sexy and I know it. Finn attempting to dance, however, is the opposite of sexy.

Speaking of not-so-sexy things, picture Sue giving birth...because that's exactly what's about to happen, as soon as she finds a sperm donor. Don't worry, Sue, always ahead of her time, had her eggs frozen back in the '70s.

But in all seriousness, Sue has some motherly instincts, what with taking care of her sister and Becky. And because Sue wants little Susie or Slyvester to have nice genes, she asks Mr. Schu to be a donor. That's kind of sweet, in a slightly weird kind of way.

Meanwhile,"Real Housewives of Atlanta"star NeNe Leakes is back to reprise her role of Coach Roz. And she has big "donkey booty" plans for the Cheerios. I was a cheerleader, so I'm allowed to say watching the cheerleaders crunk was also slightly awkward. I mean, I love Britt. But Britt crunking? Not so much. They should all stick to eight counts. Go, team!

Back in Emma's office, Mercedes and Sam are given instructions not to talk to each other for a week in order to hear what their hearts are saying. But then they end up singing to each other, in Spanish no less. So isn't that cheating?

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During a sleepover with Mercedes and Kurt, Rachel tells them Finn proposed to her. Kurt, being the good brother that he is, attempts to talk some sense into Finn the next day and encourages him not to give up on himself. Kudos to Kurt...for that and for not annoying me this week.

In an effort to redeem himself and gain tenure, Mr. Schu performs "A Little Less Conversation" in a matador outfit and a mariachi band. But wait, there's more. As in, Brittany and Mike Chang in bull horns. I don't care if they're the best dancers, that's just weird. No one can make bull horns sexy. Except for maybe Senor Sexy aka Ricky Martin.

As it turns out, Santana, embarassed by all of the Hispanic stereotypes, had filed a complaint about Mr. Schu's teaching. And Mr. Schu confesses he became a Spanish teacher because it was the only opening at the time. Moral of the story: "Without passion, you can't succeed."


And, in the end, Mr. Schu is going to become a history teacher, Mr. Martinez is offered Mr. Schu's job (recurring role? please say yes, please say yes!) and Ms. Pillsbury gets tenure. Everyone wins!

Performance of the Week: David Martinez and Santana singing "La Isla Bonita." Two of my favorite Latinos singing and dancing together? Si, si, si!

Quote of the Week: "Wake up and smell the menopause!" -Coach Roz to Coach Slyvester

Unsung Hero: Emma's pamphlets. "So You're a Two-Timin' Ho" and "Please Don Hog My Fiance's Nog" are among my favorites. Even if Mr. Schu was a hater, I wish we had Emma's pamphlets at my high school.