It's "Diva Week" at William McKinley High School, where we learn a diva is "not a trick ass hoe," according to Urban Dictionary. Please read that quote in Emma Pillsbury's voice. Thank you. So first up is Beyoncé's "Diva." After this week's epic Super Bowl halftime show (during which my beloved Ravens WON!), I don't think anyone should sing Beyoncé but Beyoncé. I do, however, love Marley's purple sequined leotard...I NEED that in my life.
Meanwhile, Kurt confesses that sometimes Rachel's singing can be insufferable. It took him four seasons to realize this?! He knew she would be a nightmare after the winter showcase and she accuses him of being jealous of her, which is when Kurt comes clean about intentionally throwing their first diva-off sophomore year and letting Rachel win.
She challenges him to a diva duel at NYADA's midnight madness and...Kurt wins. They sing some song from "Les Mis," which I'll admit I've never seen in musical or movie form. So I may or may not have tuned out a bit at this part.
Back at WMHS, Tina makes Blaine a get-well kit because he's sick, which is cute, but again I ask...what part of he doesn't bat for your team do you not understand, Tina Cohen-Chang?! I know he's completely adorable. His bow ties drive me crazy, too! But you're barking up the wrong tree. Okay, rant over.
Blaine, who is a on a one-man mission to prove men can be divas, too, sings a Freddie Mercury song. If i were a guy trying to prove a point, I would have chosen a song by Sir Elton John. But that's just me.
To give the glee kids some sense of true diva-ness, he brings in no other than Santana. Two weeks of Santana in a row?! I'm in complete girl crush heaven over here. Santana says she's dating this chick on her cheerleading team, but then tells Sam she wants Brittany back. And so they have a sing-off, of course. If I were Brittany, I'd choose Santana over Sam in a heartbeat. But, again, that's just me.
Tina tells Blaine she doesn't want to be "sweet" anymore, so he promises to help her unleash her inner diva. He invites her over to his house and puts together a playlist of all the best divas, including Cher, Aretha, Madonna...pretty much anyone who's recognizable by her first name alone.
So then Tina confesses her love for Blaine and says even if they end up in a "sexless relationship, which a lot of Asian girls and gay men do," it would be worth it...but, alas, Blaine has fallen asleep. So, in true Tina fashion, she takes care of him and rubs his chest with Vapor Rub.
Aww, Tina! I really do feel bad for her. It's no fun feeling unappreciated and being on the spurned side of unrequited love. Sigh. Back at school, Tina completely lashes out on Blaine and bust out Madonna's "Hung Up." Stick it to him, Tina!
We later learn Santana dropped out of school a month ago and Sue offers her a job to coach the Cheerios. Brittany convinces Santana she deserves something's that as "big and hot" as she is, which is when Santana launches into a pretty good version of "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys. Maybe I'm biased because I love Santana, but I just find Alicia's version annoying.
I know it's a good message and all, but I just feel like it should be in the Gabby Douglas Lifetime movie or something. And Alicia's version just seems to be lacking some sincerity and edge to it. Have you heard Pink's version? It's fan-friggin'-tastic. Rant over again. Of course, the only city in the world as big and hot as Santana is New York, which is how we find her at Kurt and Rachel's apartment.
Earlier, Finn helped Emma pick her wedding flowers and told her how he's the only person at WMHS that makes him happy. It seemed kind of inappropriate and I was hoping that was it. But then, near the end of the episode, he tries to calm her down after a mild panic attack and...he kisses her...on the mouth. Whaaat?!