Greetings readers! Regular "Empire" recapper Ryan Eakin is sick this week, so I've been asked to fill in for him. It is my pleasure to give you the recap of this week's episode, "What Remains is Bestial."
We're all accustomed to the scandalous episode beginning and endings of this show, and this week did not disappoint. Anika, fed up with her posh captivity, goes into the home office trying to reason with Lucious as he's watching the growing number of Empire Xstream subscriptions.
While laying down the law of the land, Lucious begins to have a tremor reminiscent of his ALS symptoms. The scene reaches its climax (yeah, I went there) as we see Anika's former assistant arise from underneath the desk. Supposedly she was looking for an earring. Sure, the whole boss/assistant cliché may seem a bit trashy, but I'm sure she has a good head on her shoulders.
Switching gears to the corporate world, Lucious is still badgering Cookie about releasing Jamal's Black and White album on Empire Xstream. He's so desperate that he's offering new cars to whichever artist gives him new content first. Cookie agrees to help, but not before mentioning her lunch date with Angelo DuBois. Lucious jabs that the community leader is an Oreo, but Cookie is quick to deliver a right-cross, insinuating that she might break Angelo off a piece of that cookie!
After last week's arrest, Andre is released from jail and comes face to face with the paparazzi. His lawyers advise him not to "go all 'Black Lives Matter'" on him. As Andre is walking to his car, one of the reporters has the audacity to ask whether he's not he's a gangster, following in his parents footsteps. Andre starts to shed a little light on the current state of black people in this country, but then has another vision of Rhonda. This dead chick loves to poke at this bear! "None of this would have happened if I was still here," she says. Yes, I know it's all in his head, but still, when does the nagging end?
Jamal attends a PTSD support group, but doesn't seem to get much out of it. Everyone there knows his story, so he's reluctant to share his experience. The moderator tries to persuade to Jamal to open up, but like most men he believes he can manage as he self-medicates. In an effort to "cure" Jamal, Cookie introduces him to music legend Kitty, played by the flawless Mariah Carey. Kitty asks Jamal to join a future tour, but he's quick to dismiss the idea. Instead, Jamal has the idea to record a duet with her, hopefully using that as encouragement for Lucious to drop the Black and White album all together.
Hakeem is having a bad night as Tiana and Gram (played by Romeo Miller, aka Lil' Romeo, aka Master P's son) start making out as they finish performing a duet. Hakeem goes into a frenzy and has a full-out tantrum, proclaiming that Tiana is "his girl." (Weren't you JUST about get married and now have child with your new stepmother?) In a "Father Know Best" moment, Lucious suggests a diss track against Hakeem, obviously just trying to get content for his label. Savage!
As Andre's in court for the reading of his charges, Jamal and Hakeem show up in support or their brother. All seems to be going as planned, until the judge begins to read the charges. Out of nowhere, he's hit with criminal trespassing, aggravated assault and assault against a police officer. His lawyer suggests a plea deal, but Andre refuses to lie and have a charge against him for no good reason.
Enter Lucious in a luxury black van. He takes all three boys to the "old neighborhood" and begins to berate each son in the style that only he can do. He attacks Andre for being bipolar, Jamal for being gay and Hakeem for being a punk. (Okay, Hakeem is a bit of a punk, but I digress…) He then goes to inform the boys that their ultimate issue is that they've "forgotten that they're black." (PAUSE!!! If there's one thing that I can assure you, as an African-American male, America will never let you forget that you are black, period.)
Lucious went too far this time. After being insulted, Andre and Jamal heatedly leave the van. Hakeem returns to the studio to record a track dissing Tiana using her own vocal samples. SAVAGE!
Lucious is called back to his house to find Anika in his office, supposedly tracking the Empire Xstream membership numbers. As they reach 10 million subscribers, the scene reaches its climax (yes, again) as we see a handsome delivery guy come from underneath the desk. A more-than-subtle reminder to Lucious that he needs her just as much, if not more than she needs him. With all of the oral gratification in this episode, I might need a cigarette myself. Whew!
In efforts to squash a plan executed by Lucious, Cookie saves one of Angelo's WOKE kids from the Empire. Angelo goes in for a thank you kiss, but totally doesn't land it. He may have a great smile, but Cookie's not falling for it, yet. As a power play, Lucious then decides to release the Black half of the Black and White album. Basically everything he produced. Total crap move, but what do we really expect from him at this point? Cookie tell Lucious that yet again, they're done. Why does this sound familiar? Oh yeah, we hear that line every season.
Least favorite thing in the episode: Lucious' hair. Is he channeling Billy Dee Williams? First the Lando Calrissian perm, and now old man Billy Dee perm with the long hair in the back.
Favorite thing in this episode: Mariah Freaking Carey! Yes, she's my celebrity crush, but she's still FINE. Outfits were great; makeup was flawless; cleavage was … DAMN. Even her duet with pill poppin' Jamal was on point. Aside from the "Charmbracelet" album, Mariah can do no wrong.