We start with a recap of how great Week 1 was and how barely good last night was. And then it's a pro routine, some sort of jive. If you're keeping score at home, Maks is wearing an entirely unbuttoned and untucked shirt, Tony and Val or Tristan are both going for the unbuttoned but tucked-in look and all the rest are covered up.
We start with low-scoring women, and Melissa Gilbert is up first. She says it was the "most fun [she's] ever had on a dance floor." Gladys Knight was cheerful despite a 5 from Len. Len tells Martina Navratilova, "You can touch me as much as you want." Martina's clearly upset backstage -- I love how competitive she is -- it's why I loved watching her play tennis.
Results: Melissa is safe, Gladys is safe, Martina is in jeopardy. Martina does a fake shocked, "For real?" Who knew she had a sense of humor?
It's Matt Nathanson singing his latest single "Run" with an assist from Sugarland. Jennifer Nettles is trying to be all slinky while Matt sings and it's cracking me up. The two pros, Peeta Murgatroyd and Tristan MacManus, come out to dance and Peeta is wearing the bikini-bedsheet type of dress that still and always will make me miss Edyta Sliwinska.
Brooke Burke-Charvet says things to people. They say things back. People scream when William Levy is shown.
Recap of the high-scoring men from last night: Jaleel White's jive was OK, but not great. Roshon Fegan wants to hear Len say "Good job, dawg." Don't hold your breath, kid. Cheryl kids William that one day he's going to "have panties thrown at [his] face."
Results: Jaleel is safe. Roshon is in jeopardy! That surprises me since his scores were fairly high. I guess it's not just my mom who has no idea who he is. William, duh, is safe. As Tom says, this allows them to avoid a riot.
Montage about being the first to go home. Surprise - no one wants to!
New faces in the "Dancing with the Stars" pro troupe. There's much exposed male chest and some hairography from the females.
Holy smokes! That's Katie Couric in the audience! When we come back from commercial, Tom Bergeron jokes about how she's been grabbing his butt. Even more than Maks has!
In case you're interested, there will now be a Las Vegas show for "Dancing with the Stars," featuring Joey Fatone, Sabrina Bryan, Tia Carrere, Carson Kressley and Lacey Schwimmer (which explains why she's not on this season as a pro.)
Tom recaps that he's "alienated Katie Couric and four couples are safe."
Brooke's talking to high-scoring ladies and points out that the last time someone did as well as Katherine Jenkins this early in the season it was Kristi Yamaguchi with Mark Ballas and they went on to win it. Brooke then reports that it was revealed today that Maria Menounos' rib injury is actually two broken ribs. She says she's ready to dance, despite the injury. Is she this peppy because of high-powered painkillers? Brooke asks if Sherri Shepherd's surprised by her high scores. I SURE AM. Back to Tom and a Monty Python joke -- I could not love this man more.
Recap of last night's routines with this women. Maria laughs; my cat hides under the couch. They show footage of Val and Sherri saying before her routine "Don't forget any steps." And then they show them flubbing the slide move. I still think it wasn't "forgetting" as much as either chickening out or flubbing. And then in the post-dance interview Sherri says she was afraid of getting her face in Val's butt. This is not a fear shared by many women and some men. Carrie Ann teases Bruno about his English after his critique of Katherine.
Results: They're ALL safe: Sherri, Maria and Katherine will all be back. Sherri loses her mind.
Sugarland performs "Find the Beat Again." I saw Sugarland just before their debut broke big, back when Kristen Hall was still part of the group, in a club with no more than 200 people in the audience. They sounded almost completely different than they do now. The dancers are doing a lot of hairography and there's a tumbling pass from male dancer Sasha. Tom interviews Jennifer Nettles about her ABC Family show coming up this summer called "Duets." I like the lineup of the judges/mentors; will have to make a note to check that out.
Recap of last night's low-scoring men: Jack Wagner gets some one-on-one advice from Bruno Tonioli. Donald Driver still has some adorable kids. They show Donald backstage and someone's running one of those handheld fans on his head -- haha! Gavin DeGraw says to Karina Smirnoff that he "messed up so many times."
Results: Donald's safe; Gavin and his hat are in jeopardy; Jack is safe. Yay!
So, our three couples on the hot seat are: Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower, Martina Navratilova & Tony Dovolani, and Gavin DeGraw & Karina Smirnoff.
Tom tells us Roshon and Chelsie are safe. It's down to Martina or Gavin. Tom interviews the final two couples on the spot and it's about as informative as you'd expect.
And Martina's the first out. Booo! I mean, it's not a surprise and not undeserved, but I'll miss her. Gavin is shown telling her that "It was an honor to be on the same stage as [Martina]." Gavin just went up a zillion points in my book.
See you next week for the "personal story" dances. Get your "emotional manipulation" galoshes on to wade through all the sappiness.