Welcome to a results show! Haven't done one of these in a while, have we? First off, they tell me that they combined last week's scores with this week's scores so the actual scoreboard looks like this:
Nastia Liukin & Derek Hough/Sasha Farber: 117
Rumer Willis & Val Chmerkovskiy: 117
Riker Lynch & Allison Holker: 115
Noah Galloway & Sharna Burgerss: 101
Chris Soules & Witney Carson: 95
Robert Herjavec & Kym Johnson: 93
Doesn't change my predictions, though - I still think it's Chris & Witney and Robert & Kym going home.
The encore dance is back and the judges want to see Rumer & Val with Artem in the Paso Doble. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I would've picked her rumba instead.
Erin Andrews is wearing an unfortunate outfit that seems to have random strips of fabric attached to the trousers. Oh, Erin.
Our first result is Rumer & Val and we're told they're safe. Oh good. Tom also promises us that after a five season hiatus, Dance Center is back. I suppose it has been that long, huh?
I love how Jerry Rice goes for broke every year with this bit. This time, he's got glitter eyeshadow and a Bollywood-looking symbol on his forehead. So what does Dance Center have to say about Robert? Len Goodman says they have great chemistry and then we see an extended embrace between them in the studio rehearsal footage. Kenny Mayne asks Len if he can be bribed by Robert and the cut to Len reveals him in a fur coat with a tiara. Len in a tiara! It's at least one of my wishes come true.
They don't have much of anything fun to say about Chris. There's an extended joke about Riker's relationship to the Houghs and then a joke that his hair is actually a wig. Then Jerry Rice is wearing a blond wig. It's all gotten very silly.
Erin's backstage with Rumer & Val and Riker & Allison and the more I look at her trousers the less I understand them. Until I notice whatever they've done to her hair and am distracted by that.
Tom tells us that he was talking with Chris' mom before the show and she's proud but nervous for him tonight. We find out now that they are in jeopardy. Not a shocker, really.
Carly Rae Jepsen is here to further her quest to be more than a one hit wonder. Her single is the prosaically titled "I Really Like You." It's weird that she has her own backup dancers when they also have the troupe there for a bit of accompanying choreography.
During dress rehearsal Noah lost his footing and both he and Sharna tumbled to the floor. Huh. It's surprising to me that they didn't show that last night.
They've got Noah & Sharna and Robert & Kym both onstage and we're told one is safe and one will be eliminated right now. Robert & Kym are the goners and Noah & Sharna are through to the semi-finals.
Tom teases Robert that he's known Kym for many years and he thinks even if Robert didn't win the mirrorball trophy, he suspects Robert's won somebody's heart. Robert doesn't take long to reply, "Tom, I don't know if I feel that way about you." The look on Erin's face is pure, "Can you believe this?" While Tom is laughing about it, Erin says, "That's annoying. Just answer the question." Erin's such a Nosy Parker.
More Dance Center - Jerry says, "I think one of us put on too much cologne. I think it's me." He really cracks me up. Kenny introduces Nastia as Nastia Putin and shows a clearly altered photo of her doing a handstand on top of a horse being ridden by Vladimir Putin. Len sets him straight. Kenny cuts off Len in his description of Nastia's dancing. Then there's a spliced interview that mostly seems to show that Nastia answers a lot of producers' questions with "I don't think I should talk about that" and variations thereof. What if the reason we haven't seen much personality from her this season is because that's all she's giving the show to work with? Hmmm.
With Noah we revisit the time Sharna accidentally kicked him in the face and either broke or knocked out one of his teeth. Aiiieeee. Then Kenny makes some really crass jokes about how often Noah brings up his "package." Noah means the footage they show before the dance, the producers use it as an excuse to show us several shots of Noah's crotch. Nice, guys. Really classy.
Kenny introduces Rumer by saying they don't come tougher than the daughter of John McLean and GI Jane. And then they talk about how nice her butt is, because that's how tonight's going.
In a backstage interview with Erin, Nastia tries to convince us she has a personality and that she's been showing feelings. Hmph.
Next up is a routine from Travis Wall and company that involves a lot of brick walls. It looks really cool with the television camerawork but I bet it's lame to watch in person because at any given time you probably can't see all or even any of the dancers depending on where you're sitting.
They now have Nastia & Derek and Riker & Allison, the two highest scorers last night, on-stage for results. Apparently Nastia was rattled by the rehearsal footage package they showed last night. Allison tears up telling Riker how proud she is of him after their Viennese Waltz. Nastia & Derek are through to the semi-finals. Riker & Allison are told they're in jeopardy.
Erin's backstage with Chris & Witney and they're in shock that Riker & Allison are also in jeopardy.
Josh Groban is singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at us while a YouTube famous dancing moppet performs. Oh wait, apparently she's named Maddie Ziegler and she's from "Dance Moms." So basically this whole section of the show is not meant for me.
Ok, so both the "in jeopardy" couples are up on stage - I'm waiting to hear if they tell us if these are actually both the lowest vote getters (aside from Robert & Kym, obviously.) No disclaimer, but I don't know if that means anything. Chris & Witney are the eliminated couple and that's fine. I'd rather see what Riker does next than Chris, especially with Allison's choreography.
Chris is totally choked up right now and having a hard time articulating his emotions. He says the whole experience has been "life changing."
See you next week for semi-finals!