Because of Erin Andrews' absence, Kym (Johnson) Herjavec is co-hosting "Dancing With the Stars" with Tom Bergeron on Tuesday night. There's also a slew of musical performers lined up.
Just to remind you, the following six couples have immunity tonight based on last night's "faceoff" dances: Jana & Gleb, Vanilla Ice & Witney, James & Sharna, Calvin & Lindsay, Maureen & Artem and Laurie & Val.
I'm relieved to hear that we're going to get the judges' critiques of Monday night's dances. I really missed hearing their critiques and praise. I'm less excited that we're also getting a replay of the rehearsal footage montages, but with some new footage. So I can't fast forward entirely, but I'm still seeing a lot of it for the second time.
While Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds & Allison Holker were dancing last night, Bruno Tonioli says that he wants Kenneth's feet to be sharper. Len Goodman says in a clip recorded later that Kenneth captured the freedom of the jive but that it needed to be a bit sharper.
In rehearsal footage with Jana Kramer & Gleb Savchenko, we hear more about the rib injury that surfaced for Jana last week. The speed of the jive is irritating that pulled rib muscle. As they dance last night, Bruno points out a misstep to Julianne Hough by saying "She [expletive] it up." Later in the dance he comments to Julianne that Jana should stay on her toes more. Len's after-the-fact commentary is that Jana had the sharp kicks and flicks he likes to see in a jive.
Following up on last week's showing of Gleb's underwear model commercial, this week we get a picture of him and Artem posing in tight briefs. Then they subject us to a faked up picture with Len and Bruno. At least they put an undershirt on Len. At least I think it's faked — I don't think Len has the same tattoo as Gleb.
In the intro package for Rick Perry & Emma Slater, Rick is shown on last week's show admitting how surprised he was to not be eliminated last week. Then in rehearsal footage, his ankle gives out and he goes down hard.
During the dance, Julianne says of Rick to Bruno, "He's going for it." To which Bruno replies, "Yes, but it's not very artistic." Later when Rick is doing his flamenco steps, Bruno cracks, "He's digging for oil," and Carrie Ann Inaba is compelled to yell down the table, "And that's OK!" Pah. I'm always going to vote to sit at Bruno's end of the table. Len's recorded later commentary says that he admires Rick's determination.
Vanilla Ice & Witney Carson are also dancing the paso doble, which Vanilla refers to as the paso Yoplait. Vanilla Ice has six concerts in six days so he's pressed for rehearsal time. I'll never understand stars that go on the show when they don't have adequate time to put into rehearsals.
As they come onto the stage for their dance Monday night, Len asks what Vanilla Ice has on his head and then answers his own question, "He's got a baseball cap back to front for the paso doble." I hear you, Len. Bruno shouts at Vanilla Ice, "Careful with your hands," and then goes on to mutter that it's still too messy. Later in the routine, both he and Julianne bemoan the lack of drama in the dance and Bruno says it's all too angular. I had no idea the judges talked this much during the performances. I like it!
Len claims that he ranked Vanilla Ice's dance higher than Rick's because it was a "more passionate, full-on paso doble." Whatever, Len.
Keo Motsepe is dancing with another troupe member to bring the show back in from commercial. I'm kind of surprised he's back with the show — they were pretty open with their contempt of him when he was competing as a pro last season. He also has a beard now and it takes him from hot to handsome and hot.
James Hinchcliffe & Sharna Burgess get a "Smooth" right off the bat from Bruno during their cha-cha-cha. Julianne says, "He hits all his movements." We also hear how often Sharna counts the beat for James. Len observes, "He keeps doing the heel lead and I don't like that." Carrie Ann says, "He's got pizzazz, though." Bruno keeps letting out ecstatic noises.
Bruno gets to do the recorded commentary for this dance, saying James served it up and that he seems to have a natural understanding of what is required in a performance. "It just flows out of him," Bruno says. He then adds that the footwork could be better.
Ryan Lochte & Cheryl Burke were relieved not to be eliminated last week. During rehearsal we see a video that Ryan's grandmother sent him talking about the cha-cha-cha and reminding him that he has Cuban blood. Apparently both Ryan's grandmother and mother are Cuban. Cheryl hopes he can tap into that Cuban heritage for their dance.
Bruno and Julianne have the following to say in the beginning of Ryan's dance: "OK" and "Not bad." Bruno does add that Ryan's "standing there too much." That's what I said! Carrie Ann points out "he hasn't done any cha-cha yet." Julianne piles on, "Cheryl's just dancing around him." I said that too! Bruno adds, "Cheryl is … stunning and he's not doing anything." Then they all notice a mistake and then, after the mistake, point out that Ryan's off the beat. This all makes Len's comment when he gave his score last night, "Your best dance," perplexing.
Bruno's recorded commentary: "Ryan, my darling, you have to do more. It looked like she was dancing around a lamppost. You're handsome, you're big … just give me something." Oh, Bruno. We'll just all assume you meant that last sentence only in reference to Ryan's dancing.
In the red room, Kym has Ryan and Cheryl and springs on them that we now have Ryan's grandmother's watching him dance. She's adorable and throws him a kiss via the camera. Some day, someone will write about Ryan's "DWTS" rehab campaign as a case study for a public relations textbook.
In the ballroom last night, Terra Jolé tells partner Sasha Farber that she knows better than to watch her emotional clip package. During the dance, Bruno is delighted by how Terra is throwing her look to the camera. Julianne exclaims about how good her frame is. Again: I said that too! Carrie Ann echoes the frame comment and Julianne adds that her head positioning is perfect. Bruno calls her "very good." So, how did they score lower than Calvin & Lindsay? Hmph.
Julianne gets to be the after-the-fact commentator now. She points out that the long lines of the Viennese waltz were challenging for Terra but she stretched so far and her head positioning and frame were beautiful.
Calvin Johnson & Lindsay Arnold are in rehearsals and Lindsay tells him he's not in drills, so it's not "knees up." She also tells him his hands need to be "soft and pretty, like feathers." The judges don't say much of substance except Julianne "Woooos!" a lot. She does get specific in complimenting Calvin's timing and musicality. Len observes that for a "big man, he has great control."
Julianne's recorded comments say that Calvin is going to make it really far in this competition.
Up in the skybox, Kym's interviewing Terra and Calvin about what they have in common. Calvin points out the obvious, which is the big height difference they each have with their partners. Terra adds that neither one of them can just walk into a store and buy shoes. She says, "Sometimes you just don't want light-up shoes." Y'all, Kym is no Erin Andrews. She's closer to Brooke Burke in her ability to work off the cuff.
Amber Rose & Maksim Chmerkovskiy had the booty salsa. Len's comment, "She was right up the front when they were giving out booties, I must say." Bruno points out that she's doing it like hip-hop and. surprisingly, Len replies that he doesn't mind it. Neither does Carrie Ann, but we knew she'd think that. Bruno and Julianne are in agreement with each other and me last night that this dance is not a salsa. After the dance but before the scores, Julianne says to Bruno "C'mon, Maks. He's always the one that talks about doing a proper ballroom dance."
In the recorded commentary, Julianne says Amber came out and gave it her all with a lot of personality, but that it wasn't the proper salsa they were looking for.
Back in the ballroom, Tom questions Len about him being OK with the lack of ballroom conformity, and Len shrugs it off while admitting that it really was more of a hip-hop routine.
Maureen McCormick & Artem Chigvintsev did a much more conventional salsa. During the dance, Bruno grabs Len and says forcefully, "Now that's salsa." Then he stands up later and repeats, "That's a salsa." Julianne and Bruno both think this is Maureen and Artem's best dance. Then just after that, Maureen makes a mistake.
Explaining why Maureen & Artem won the faceoff, Julianne says it was a proper salsa with underarm turns and salsa footwork.
Laurie Hernandez & Val Chmerkovskiy used the tango to try to de-cute Laurie a little bit. Just before they start their dance, Val tells Laurie, "I'm proud of you." Awww. He's good with her in that big brother way. Carrie Ann remarks that Laurie is intense and Bruno calls her strong. After the first several moves, Len's admonishing them to get into the dance. Ah, there's the Len we know and love. Bruno says Laurie's lines are fabulous. Julianne says she has great footwork. Bruno exclaims, "Sharp!" Len says, "Frame's good, eh" and then Carrie Ann get apoplectic about the lift at the end.
And now here's Carrie Ann to deliver the recorded critique. She says the tango was excellent — Laurie had great intensity, their hold was really tight, they were really connected, the body contact was fantastic. However, she goes on, Laurie had a few incidents when her chin was tight to her chest. And Carrie Ann she sounds the lift police siren.
Back in the ballroom, Tom has Laurie do her "Smell the quesadilla" face again, and it was better last night when it seemed more spontaneous. Then we get to see video of Val from when he was 15, and it's adorably gawky. It's so embarrassing he literally sinks to his knees in the ballroom.
Marilu Henner & Derek Hough also had the tango and Marilu hopes it will be her breakthrough week. Then out of nowhere, Derek breaks out a Chris Farley/Matt Foley impression. Who knew he had it in him?
During the dance, Bruno calls it beautiful. They notice a misstep I didn't and then Julianne observes that it looks like Marilu is being pulled around a bit. Then points out that she's losing her hold. Carrie Ann says "She's back in it!" about eight beats before the routine ends.
Carrie Ann says Marilu and Derek came out great but that Marilu's nerves clearly got the better of her during the dance and she forgot to breath and got "brittle."
Now… on to the entirely new portion of the show. Kym says she's a little bummed not to be in this next routine featuring the female pros and troupe members. Tom says,"Yeah, me too!" Which tells me even before they show the dancers that they're not wearing much fabric. There is one troupe dancer who has darker skin and black hair — she's extremely eye catching. If she's any good as a choreographer/teacher, I'd like to see HER as a pro.
Kym is up in the skybox with the six stars who don't have immunity. She asks Amber about their critique of her routine as being more hip-hop than salsa. Amber diplomatically answers that they thought since they had the "Booty" song, she needed shake it. Then Kym asks Amber to show her how to do her booty like Amber does. This gets real awkward real quick because Amber is shy about it.
Terra fields a question about the personal aspect of her dance. Every time she speaks, I'm impressed by what a good public speaker she is. Very few "ums" or "likes," and her thoughts are usually nuanced and complete. That's not something everybody who comes on this show does well, even the ones with years of public performance experience.
We get more repeat footage from last night, but one interesting addition is an exchange between Marilu and Derek on the ballroom floor after their dance. She only knew she made one mistake and asks Derek what went wrong. He replies "It was quite a lot." She asks, "It was worse than the dress rehearsal?" He hesitates slightly and answers that it was. It's a nice glimpse into how Derek works. He''s honest without being unkind or angry.
They've got Amber & Maks and Marilu & Derek under the spotlights for results. Marilu & Derek are safe. Amber & Maks are in jeopardy.
Florida Georgia Line performs a ballad while Keo and Jenna dance. They'll be doing another song later in the show, which I will also fast forward through.
There's a montage with the contestants about their experience on the show. None of them really says anything original.
Kym is now in the skybox with the stars who have immunity. Maureen says she feels like a fairy princess in a Disney movie. And remember what I was saying about how well-spoken Terra is? This is the example of the opposite. Kym points out to Calvin that he got the best score last night. He's no stranger to the post-game interview and gives that sort of stock answer.
Now it's time for Fitz and the Tantrums to perform their current single "HandClap." I saw them a couple of years ago (when they had the hit "MoneyGrabber") in a small club that only holds an audience of a couple hundred, and they had that room completely under their control. Their female singer, Noelle Scaggs, has a phenomenal voice. If you like their throwback soul/R&B vibe, go see them when they're near you — they're an even better act live than they are recorded.
Now it's time for Rick & Emma and Babyface & Allison to get results. Babyface & Allison are safe. Yay! Rick & Emma are in jeopardy.
Florida Georgia Line performs again, this time with Gleb and Lindsay dancing.
Now Maks and Val are introducing "The Maks & Val Show." They make a joke about something being brighter than "Tony Dovolani's dentures." Aw, man. I miss Tony as much as I don't miss Mark Ballas. Then they get in a joke about tuning in to next week's show when "Vanilla Ice might actually dress like an adult." Meowskiy!
Then the music starts for a big group number, and Val's partnered with that troupe member I noticed earlier. She's a stunner. Then it goes back to a group set, and Maks and Val pull an audience member onto the floor and have her sit in a chair. This is a total stripper move and we are all OK with that, random audience member included. If this is what their live show was like, I bet it was a lot of fun. At the very end of the song, they pretend to leave the stage and then come back with a ton of audience members following them. It seems to be all girls except for one very brave preteen/teenage boy. Salud, young sir!
Len is going to be gone for a couple of weeks because of the UK mothership "Strictly Come Dancing." No word on whether this means guest judges or just a three-judge panel.
In this group number, the troupe member who's my new favorite is in the orangey-red dress. Leave me a comment if you know her name. She's been in several numbers tonight but never named by the hosts.
Now it's time for Ryan & Cheryl and Terra & Sasha to get results. Ryan & Cheryl are safe. Terra & Sasha are in jeopardy. I really hope that's some manufactured drama b.s.
Next week is "Cirque du Soleil" night. Wherever Mark Ballas is next week, rest assured he will be SEETHING that he's not dancing in it.
Finally, the actual real final results: Terra & Sasha are safe. Please, please say Rick isn't staying another week. And, lo, a grateful nation is spared the spectacle of Rick on a trapeze as he and Emma are eliminated tonight.