Tonight is "the most memorable year" episode. Blurgh. Also, I do not approve of this different theme song and opening credits each week. I miss my cheesy theme song and dramatic staircase entrances.
They start right off with some results: Nastia & Derek are safe and will be dancing first tonight.
Nastia Liukin & Derek Hough
Argentine Tango
Nastia's most memorable year was competing in the 2008 Olympics. You guys, her DAD was an Olympic gymnast in 1988. I feel so, so old right now. She's chosen the song she performed to at the Olympic games in 2008, "Variations on Dark Eyes" by Lara St. John. It's a gorgeous performance, of course, but that's because Nastia is a total ringer.
Len says it was clean and precise but it lacked the character of the dance. He gets quite stroppy with Tom about it, telling him that Tom can't tell him how he (Len) feels. Julianne says she can understand what Len was saying about the passion, but that she nailed it tonight. Bruno loved it wholeheartedly. Carrie Ann says it was fantastic and irritates Len by calling him grumpy.
When Erin comments about some displeasure with Len's critique, the camera cuts to Len making rude gestures. Love you, Len.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 8, Julianne: 9, Bruno: 10
That's the first 10 of the season.
More results: Robert & Kym are safe, Riker & Allison are in jeopardy, and Michael & Peta are also in jeopardy.
Michael Sam & Peta Murgatroyd
Rumba
Michael's most memorable year was the year he came out, which cost him his recently rekindled relationship with his dad. The song he's dancing to is "Not My Father's Son" from the Broadway show "Kinky Boots."
Michael's very emotional as he comes over to the judges. Julianne is teary eyed and compliments his footwork. Bruno tells him he should be proud of himself for sticking to his beliefs. He also says tonight was the best Michael has ever danced. Carrie Ann is crying, too.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Julianne: 8, Bruno: 8
Riker Lynch & Allison Holker
Tango
Riker's most memorable year is last year because that was the year his band really took off. Allison's got his hair brushed back again this week. Smart move, that. Riker's lean frame and long legs are really working out well for him. Allison's doing a great job with him.
Bruno said the music was hard to interpret as a proper tango, but Riker & Allison did it. Carrie Ann thinks the chemistry was off, with them dancing against each other rather than with each other. Len and Julianne both want Riker to improve his frame.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 8, Julianne: 9, Bruno: 9
Robert Herjavec & Kym Johnson
Waltz
Robert's most memorable year was when his mother was diagnosed with and then died from ovarian cancer. Robert was upset that with all his resources he couldn't do anything to save her. They watched "Dancing with the Stars" together during his illness.
It's a very old-fashioned routine, from the choice of song, "Last Waltz" by Engelbert Humperdinck, and costuming with Robert in white tails and dancing shoes. He's still got pancake hands, though.
Carrie Ann says it was so sweet. Len says it was his best dance and echoes Carrie Ann's comments about how Robert's mom would be proud of that dance. Julianne says he took the critique about his frame to heart and improve it. She also compliments Kym's classic choreography and then says Robert has the best footwork of all the guys in the competition.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 9, Julianne: 8, Bruno: 9
More results: Chris & Witney, Patti & Artem, and Rumer & Val are all safe.
Chris Soules & Witney Carson
Rumba
Chris' most memorable year was this year, going on "The Bachelor." They're dancing to "The Book of Love," a song I will forever associate with "Scrubs" and its use of the Peter Gabriel version.
Len says it's hard as a judge and a person to judge only on the dancing this week. Which is a long windup for "That wasn't that great." Julianne says he's improved most weeks, but that there's a connection missing between him and Witney. She also wants him to work on stretching his lines. Bruno says he's extremely genuine and compliments him on improving his turns. Carrie Ann disagrees with Julianne and felt like there was a moment when it clicked and she saw the passion.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 6, Julianne: 7, Bruno: 7
Patti LaBelle & Artem Chigvintsev
Jazz
Patti's son Zuri was born in 1973, so she chooses it as her most memorable year. They're dancing to "Dan Swit Me," which she recorded shortly after Zuri was born. It's a jazz boogie flapper party. The audience goes nuts for it.
Julianne is ecstatic about how many steps Patti got into that routine. Bruno and Carrie Ann both holler a lot. Carrie Ann calls Patti's legs "fierce." Len said it had plenty of jiggle and wiggle. He means that as a good thing.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 7, Julianne: 7, Bruno: 8
Rumer Willis & Val Chmerkovskiy
Waltz
2014 was Rumer's most memorable year because she finally overcame a lot of insecurities about her looks and the constant scrutiny to which they are subjected because of her famous parents. She was inspired to overcome it after connecting with her sister Tallulah, during Tallulah's stint in rehab.
It starts with Rumer on a revolving table and it feels like Len would call it "faffing about." This feels more like a contemporary routine than a waltz. Where's the rise and fall? The moving around the floor?
Bruno calls Rumer beautiful, powerful and unique. His one small criticism is that she needs to point her feet more. Carrie Ann loves the way Rumer finishes every move. Len says it was a great dance but questions whether it was a waltz. He says it has "a flavor of contemporary about it." I'm slowly turning into Len. This does not bother me.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 8, Julianne: 9, Bruno: 9
Last week, Rumer got all 8s, with a 9 from Len, but Len's right: no one remembers when Len is nice, only when he's grumpy.
More results: Noah & Sharna are safe, Willow & Mark are in jeopardy, and Suzanne & Tony are safe.
Suzanne Somers & Tony Dovolani
Foxtrot
Suzanne's life-changing year was 1977 because that's when she got the part on "Three's Company." True story: My dad wouldn't let us watch "Three's Company" because it was too "raunchy." He probably wasn't wrong. She says this week's dance is the dance that Jack Tripper and Chrissy Snow should have gotten to dance.
The routine starts with a little skit on a recreated version of the "Three's Company" set and then they're dancing to the show's theme song. The bit at the beginning was maybe unnecessary, but their foxtrot is mostly good. However, near the end, Suzanne sits on the couch and her legs are terribly awkward. It's not a good end note.
Carrie Ann says "well done." Len compliments the "heel turn" and says he liked the concept and the content. Julianne wants Suzanne to work on her upper body a little bit. Bruno wants Suzanne to be careful to keep her shoulders down.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Julianne: 7, Bruno: 7
Willow Shields & Mark Ballas
Contemporary
Which of Willow's 14 years on this earth has been her most memorable. It was 2011, when she got the role in "The Hunger Games." Makes sense to me.
They're dancing to a song from "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" soundtrack. They've got sticks and they're wearing armor, but they're barefoot because that's the law in contemporary dance. They've also got a lot of extra dancers in the routine. I'm an old school purist and think it should just be the competing couple out there.
Len makes a joke about having never seen "The Hunger Games" that falls very, very flat. So he quickly moves on to calling it fantastic. Bruno says she's attacking every move with a clear sense of purpose. Mark's hair is looking particularly ridiculous this week. It's essentially the hair every skater boy I knew in 1991 had.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 10, Len: 9, Julianne: 10, Bruno: 10
Noah Galloway & Sharna Burgess
Contemporary
Noah's most memorable year was 2005 when he was serving in Iraq and on a night drive hit a trip wire that detonated a roadside bomb. His injuries were "catastrophic." He lost his left arm above the elbow and his left leg above the knee. He thought it was the end of his life of physical pursuits. He put on a brave face for others, but depressed, he stayed home and took to drinking. He decided to come out of it for the sake of his kids.
Sharna's got him shirtless because she's no dummy. They're dancing to some sort of horrible country song that's the kind of pandering pap I can't stomach. And there's an American flag projected on the floor. Look, I am grateful for every bit of service and bravery shown by our volunteer armed forces. But this kind of stuff just grosses me out.
Julianne talks about how strong and focused he was and says this was also beautiful and free and she's trying not to cry. Bruno calls him the ultimate role model. Carrie Ann is crying too and then compares the dance to a haiku. Len calls him an inspiration and leads a standing ovation.
Didn't we get teaser footage earlier of Sharna knocking out one of Noah's teeth? I need to know more about that. Oh, and apparently he sprained his wrist, too. Yeesh.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 8, Julianne: 8, Bruno: 8
Results
Willow & Mark are quickly told they're safe. Erin tells us Michael & Peta and Riker & Allison are not necessarily the bottom two and then Michael & Peta are eliminated.
Scoreboard
Willow & Mark: 39
Nastia & Derek: 36
Rumer & Val: 35
Riker & Allison: 34
Robert & Kym: 34
Noah & Sharna: 32
Patti & Artem: 30
Suzanne & Tony: 28
Chris & Witney: 27
Predictions: Next week is Disney week - if I get to cast them, I want Willow & Mark in something kid oriented, rather than one of the romances. I wouldn't mind seeing Nastia get hold of "Sleeping Beauty." And I bet Rumer could have a lot of fun with Cruella de Vil. Can Patti do something that works with those sassy muses from "Hercules"?
Oh, and who's going home? It'll be either of the bottom two - I don't know that either of the couples has much potential to go beyond just one more week, but I'd rather look at Chris for another week than Suzanne. (What can I say, hot farm boys do it for me.)