Guest judge Ricky Martin starts the show with a performance, which is seemingly live.
Tom Bergeron mentions that Danica McKellar broke a rib over the weekend, but she's out there shimmying and shaking during the intros, so girl is tough.
First results of the night: Danica & Val are safe; James & Peta are in jeopardy; Amy & Derek are safe.
Amy Purdy & Derek Hough, Rumba
Amy and her boyfriend have been having trouble during the last year and a half and the idea of a "dance of love" gets her emotional. Derek starts clowning around to cheer her up.
Their dance is to a riff on the Jose Feliciano cover of "Light My Fire." That alone is making it hard for me to take it seriously.
Len Goodman liked her fluid arms and movement. Bruno Tonioli is so excited he's speaking either Spanish or Italian. I know HE'S Italian, but I'm pretty sure "noches" is a Spanish, not Italian, word.
Carrie Ann Inaba points out that Amy's foot came off the ground in one move, so Carrie Ann is going to mark her for a lift. Carrie Ann acknowledges that it's difficult for Amy to be aware of whether or not her feet are touching, so Carrie Ann suggests that Derek not put in moves that would make Amy "vulnerable" to the accidental lift.
Talking to Erin Andrews, Derek mentions that a slow dance is in some ways more difficult for Amy, due to balance, as in "It's harder to ride a bike slow."
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Ricky: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9
James Maslow & Peta Murgatroyd, Samba
Peta explains to James that he'll need to be sexy and rub up against her. James asks if that's allowed on ABC and when Peta says yes, he gets excited about the "good family fun." Hee.
The conceit of the routine is that they're both mechanics/pump jockeys at a gas station. Peta starts the routine in sleeveless coveralls, which are quickly ripped off to reveal... WELL, SHE'S DONE IT. Peta is wearing underwear. Bra, panties, garter belt, stockings.
Tom quips after their routine, "That's amazing -- that's EXACTLY what happens at the gas station I go to."
Bruno asks James if he's available tomorrow because he wants to "book a full service." OH MY. Then he says something about spark plugs and I cover the cat's ears.
Len tells Peta he think she's a little overdressed. And then he says actual things about the dance, which I don't hear because they're showing James in his undone overalls and there's a lot of pretty man on my screen.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Ricky: 9; Len: 8; Bruno: 9
Danica McKellar & Valentin Chmerkovskiy, Salsa
Val encourages Danica by pointing out that people think Meryl is the front runner, but he wants to prove that Danica is every bit as good.
We see the lift where Danica's rib breaks -- it's nothing spectacular, just Val picking her up. Apparently in week 3 there'd been a lift in their contemporary routine that had hurt her rib, but not broken it. Danica is clearly in a lot of pain right afterward and when she goes to the hospital, it's confirmed as a fracture.
Danica tells Val that her doctor would tell any other patient not to do anything, much less dance.
You can tell that Danica is moving a bit gingerly throughout the dance.
Carrie Ann thought it was held back a bit by her injury. Someone in the audience boos loudly and Tom says that that was Danica's doctor. Len says it was too much pop video and not enough salsa. He also points out a small mistake.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Ricky: 9; Len: 8; Bruno: 8
Erin informs the audience that a matter of great importance requires our attention. It turns out that we get to vote as to whether Tony keeps his shirt on or takes it off. He looks semi-mortified. I still think his bashfulness is adorable.
Amy apparently injured her back during her dance earlier and is being examined by medics. Yikes.
More results: Candace & Mark are safe; Charlie & Sharna are in jeopardy; Meryl & Maks are safe; NeNe & Tony are in jeopardy.
Erin tells us that social media wants Tony's shirt gone. The audience in the ballroom starts chanting, "Take it off! Take it off!" Tony looks like he wants the floor to swallow him whole, while Tom remarks that it's like the Roman forum in there. If that were true, a lion would eat Candace.
NeNe Leakes & Tony Dovolani, Argentine Tango
Erin reports that 90 percent of the tweets requested shirtless Tony. So poor, beleaguered Tony takes off his shirt. And then he and NeNe dance a really, really slow Argentine tango.
Ricky liked the character NeNe brought to the dance. Len wanted more technique. Bruno wanted one of the moves to be sharper. Carrie Ann needed it be sharper and more dynamic.
Maks is ENJOYING poor Tony's discomfort. Tony's button has also come off his pants. We didn't vote on THAT.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Ricky: 8; Len: 7; Bruno: 8
Amy's shoulder had been bothering her a little bit and apparently, after judging, she turned her neck, cracked her back and everything seized up.
Because Amy won't be able to dance during the later team dance, they'll show the dress rehearsal footage to be scored.
Charlie White & Sharna Burgess, Paso Doble
Charlie goes to talk to Meryl because she's been doing so well. Those two are clearly very good friends and totally supportive.
Charlie's posture for this is excellent. Just the right amount of chest puffed out without looking. The routine ends with a terrific move that evokes the bullfight origins of the dance.
Len says the dance would need to be something special to get a 10 and that dance wasn't special. Bruno says there was a mistake and Charlie never recovered from it. Carrie Ann also has notes for him on technique. Ricky calls it "erotic."
Candace Cameron Bure & Mark Ballas, Argentine Tango
Candace has a mental block when it comes to her performance during the blocking rehearsal and live performance. She blames God. Oh, wait, i misunderstood. God got her through the performance, despite the nerves. Mark takes her to a sports psychologist who diagnoses her as "perfectionistic." Which I'm not sure is a word
It also comes out that Candace is most afraid of letting Mark down. Urgh. Perfectionistic People pleaser. that's a rough combo for her to deal with being.
There's a bit of a mess-up when the music starts at the same time as the announcer is saying their names. The music stops for the introduction and it all comes off OK.
This is a way-sexier dance than I thought Candace would let Mark get away with. Carrie Anne noticed a couple slips in the choreography. Ricky says her lines were amazing. len thought her legs were clean and sharp but she could've smoldered a bit more.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Ricky: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9
Meryl Davis & Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Salsa
During rehearsal, Meryl and Maks both are taking a beating. Play gently, guys.
There are too many extra dancers on stage throughout this whole dance. I'M STILL AGAINST THIS NEW RULE.
Carrie Ann is surprised that she did as well with the salsa as she did. Ricky calls it intense. Len says it got too involved with the whole production of it -- I assume he means all the extra dancers. He also says it was too hectic.
Team captains are Charlie and Meryl, because they were the highest scorers. The celebs are picking without the pros, which the pros are upset about. It breaks down as Meryl, Danica, Amy, and Candace on Team Loca and Charlie, James, and NeNe on Team Vida. For the record, Candace was the last one picked.
Team Loca teases Charlie about needing to go shirtless. Maks makes Candace blush by gyrating her butt and dancing real close. He also tells her to "Spread 'em." Heh. Team Loca decides they're ALL going to lift NeNe. Oh boy.
Team Vida, whose members are all in jeopardy, dance first. The men, for the record, are wearing shirts, but they are buttoned with only one button. Tony & NeNe get their little solo and it's pitiful. James & Peta do theirs and it's slinky and athletic. Charlie & Sharna do the most moves in hold of any of the couples. They end their solo with a terrific spinning lift. I bet Sharna wishes she could use Charlie's lift experience all the time.
The routine ends with Tony holding NeNe in an upside-down lift hold. She looked terrified going into it, but she did it and it worked.
The judges liked the energy and the fun of the dance. Bruno and Carrie Ann mention synchronization problems. Carrie Ann, after finishing her comments, says, "I'm waiting for my friend to boo," and the guy that's been hollering at her all night obliges.
We see the footage recorded during dress rehearsal for Team Vida. Danica and Val's solo is nothing remarkable and she stutters a bit when walking over him. Mark & Candace's solo ends with an awkward lift. Derek and Amy make a splashy entrance, with Amy being lifted in by the other male dances. Then they do this incredible series of dips that are mesmerizing. Meryl & Maks are out next to do their solo. I will say I liked that Team Loca interspersed their solos with group bits.
Carrie Ann says it was "insane" and "tight." Ricky is amazed they pulled it together so quickly. Len says it was fantastic, but that the pressure is off during a dress-rehearsal performance. Bruno says he regrets not having the results show this year because that dance was worthy of a repeat performance.
The upshot of all that is that Candace should be glad she was picked last, because it helped her pick up four extra points, thus sparing her from being tied for the bottom. Danica also lucked out, with her team score pushing her two spots up the scoreboard.
Prediction: One of the male celebs is going home, when it really should've been Candace.