'Bachelor Pad' recap, episode 5, Lying -- it's all in the game

Two girls, several cups.
Two girls, several cups. (ABC)

Here's our vote for the third week in August as the most annoying week of the year.

It's when the lull between spring and fall television programming really takes its toll -- our DVR is only 10 percent full (22 episodes of "Repo Games" and five episodes of "My Cat from Hell").

That, combined with overwhelming complaints from teachers that have to go back to work after a relaxing summer, is enough to reach a boiling point.

News flash: Most of us work full-time all year and still get paid less than you do. Here's hoping tonight's episode of "The Bachelor Pad" makes us feel better during the year's most annoying week.

The bromance ends

Sarah: Chris ("Lt Dan") is still pouting because Blakeley ("Cougar") didn't get sent home at the last rose ceremony. He feels betrayed that Kalon ("Butt Chin") and Ed ("Adam Corolla") didn't vote for her, and because of that betrayal, Chris remains on her diarrhea list for another week. I like that Kalon didn't try to apologize. Chris called him a liar and Kalon's response was "and?"

Chris: Isn't the point of this show to be the best liar? I wouldn't even trust these people to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. 

The great fall of china 

Sarah: In this week's challenge, contestants must stack and carry dishes on a tray without touching or dropping them. Blakeley is thrilled because she was a "cocktail waitress" for 13 years ... at Hooters.

Chris: I don't think Tony ("Slug") has won anything in his entire life, so it's good to see him pull off a victory. Blakeley won with her well-honed skills, and will now be able to harass Chris without the fear of going home. Since they decide to go on a date with each other, they award the second rose to Kalon. 

Dinner on a bridge

Sarah: Traffic in Los Angeles is horrendous. Great idea -- lets make LA residents angrier than usual and shut down a bridge so Kalon and Lindzi ("Horse Girl") can have dinner in the middle of it. Though I was impressed with the huge chandelier over the table. Surprisingly enough, Kalon admits that he's falling in love with Lindzi and seems sincere.

Chris: Eating in the street just like homeless people. How romantic.

A trashy overnight date

Sarah: Blakeley had the choice for an overnight or an evening date. She chose the overnight thinking it would be more extravagant. Not really. Kalon's date started with diamonds and a Bentley, while Blakely's date began with a map and a Jeep. Erica ("Plastic Princess") is happy with this outcome because it fits them better, since Blakeley "is trashier." Even trashier (but still pretty cool), the overnight date is in an Airstream trailer. 

Chris: Tony must be spending too much time taking care of his son and staring at lumber because he's inexplicably attracted to Blakeley. I guess any guy in his line of work would be over the moon to date a former Hooters waitress, even if she's weathered like an old catcher's mitt.

The rose ceremony twist

Sarah: If counting votes wasn't hard enough for this group, now they must all vote for one woman who will then decide which man leaves the house. Michael ("Puppy") has a brilliant idea: Vote off Erica and make her believe that Chris was the mastermind. She's dumb enough to believe it, until Chris takes her into the voting room and votes for Lindzi. 

Chris: To win this game, it's best to lay dormant while others fight it out and then flare-up at the end like nasty case of herpes. Though Erica was sent home, she took Michael down with her. Her low blows on his character would have been more poignant had she not been holding a baby gavel.

The remaining contestants (in order of the most obnoxious, this week)

Ed ("Adam Corolla"), 32 -- what a jerk. You're hooking up with Jaclyn and then say on national television that it means nothing. Have you heard of lying? Your friends are good at it.

Chris ("Lt. Dan"), 25 -- quit skulking around in that disgusting gray hoody.

Sarah ("Praying Mantis"), 28 -- just realized your facial features resemble Miley Cyrus. We are ready for you to go home now.

Blakeley ("Cougar"), 34 -- at least all of America was excited about your extravagant overnight date in a trailer.

Rachel ("Snaggle Tooth"), 27 -- oh get over it, Michael is gone.

Kalon ("Butt Chin"), 27 -- your love for Lindzi is no match for your love for scandal. Getting Chris to take Erica into the voting room was the biggest play yet. Your our vote to win, but only if you choose love over money. Don't you have enough anyway?

Jaclyn ("Muppet"), 27 -- this is the first time we've seen a sad muppet! But really, Ed? He was a drunken jerk from day one, so you should have seen this coming.

Lindzi ("Horse Girl"), 27 -- you seem really sweet. We need to warn you about Kalon. Hees a turd.

Tony ("Slug"), 31 -- we know why it took him four weeks to earn a nickname -- he just sits around the house all day. Here's a new rule for the "Bachelor Pad" drinking game: Drink every time you see Tony lounging in the background. Take a shot if his mouth is hanging open.

Nick ("Widow Snatcher"), 27 -- now that Michael's gone, he's swooping in on Rachel.

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