It's the second night of the live quarterfinals in New York. Twelve acts will perform tonight, but only four will move on to the next round.
We'll find out who advances in tomorrow's results show. Tonight, we just sit back and enjoy the show -- or not.
We're already off to a rough start with the first act, LionDanceMe, a martial arts line dance studio. Basically, a bunch of guys jump around on pegs of varying heights, under traditional multi-person Chinese dragon costumes.
Howard Stern tells them he thinks America gets tired of their act each week; he gives them a 50/50 chance of making it to the next round. Sharon Osbourne also thinks LionDanceMe needs to shake it up by adding some more martial arts. Howie Mandel flat out says he got bored.
"I don't understand how you stepped it up," he says. "I think you're in trouble tonight."
Turf, everyone's favorite contortionist by now, is up next. As usual, it's hard for me to watch his performance without cringing. And I mean that in a good way. Howie describes it perfectly; he calls Turf a "human Gumby."
The judges clearly love Turf; the only piece of advice they give him is to incorporate a little more dancing with the contortionism.
Next up is the band The All Ways, "who once did a gig with nobody in the audience," according to Nick Cannon. The band is taking a risk tonight, performing Lady GaGa and Beyonce's "Telephone."
Yikes. The singer is off-key on the very first note. They get a little better as the song goes on, but I'm just not feeling it. The judges are on my side with this one.
Howard and Sharon just aren't impressed. Howie is confused about the genre of the band (they've done two pop covers, but they're supposedly rockers) and the band name: "I don't think a rock band should share the name of a pantyliner."
Hawley Magic, a husband and wife act, is next. They say their act tonight could break Trisha's (the wife) back if it goes wrong. Luckily, nothing does and Jonathan successfully spears his wife with a sword. The judges agree they did a great job, but that the husband needs to quit with the cheesy, suspenseful-building hand gestures.
Lisa Clark Dancers are next, and Howie actually buzzes them about halfway into the performance. That's all that needs to be said, really.
Then it's Aurora Light Painters. Howard buzzes them, and when they finish the act, there is no applause from the audience. At all. It's a strange thing to hear (or not hear), but I get it. They were that bad.
The judges are starting to look annoyed, so it's a good thing 14-year-old singer Danielle Stallings is next. She sings Bruno Mars' "It Will Rain" amazingly well.
Donovan and Rebecca, acrobatic couple, is next. I can't believe 2 people can be that strong. They might take the whole competition; I'd pay to see them Vegas. The judges are crazy about them, as expected.
Next up is Big Barry. Awful. I don't know how he made it this far in the show. Howard is seriously angry when it's his turn to evaluate; he actually brings up Mary Joyner, saying that so many other acts like Mary could have made it New York had it not been for Howie pushing for Big Barry so much. Then he tries to make Howie apologize to all those contestants, which he doesn't.
Comedian Tom Cotter is next, followed by archer Ben Blaque. They both do really well, and now I'm not so sure who America will vote for because there have now been quite a few great acts. Plus, Tim Hockenberry, one of the judges' favorites, will end tonight's show.
He sings Katy Perry's "Part of Me" and it's the kind of cover that's so good, you like it more than the original. Sharon and Howie love it, and while Howard didn't like the song choice, Tim is still his favorite singer in the competition.
Well, that was a nice way to wrap up tonight's show. We'll be here tomorrow with the results.