That's a pretty weird looking contestant. Oh wait, it's just Steven Tyler in drag. Nevermind.
That's a pretty weird looking contestant. Oh wait, it's just Steven Tyler in drag. Nevermind. (FOX)

Tonight, "American Idol" arrived in Oklahoma City, the home of our very own Carrie Underwood. Surely after last night's show and being in a town that produced the likes of the country superstar, this town must be bustling with talent. Right? Not so much. Oh folks, it was a long night.

First up: Karl, who sang the James Brown classic "I Feel Good" and threw in some classic James Brown moves. Voice? Mediocre. Ticket to Hollywood? Yes. Why? I haven't a clue and Karl would not be the only golden ticket recipient that left us speechless tonight.


Some chick was allowed in to butcher Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" and Nicky was forced to listen. Tough night for the judges and an even tougher night for those of us who were watching, hoping, wishing and praying for real talent to grace the stage.

Well hello Nate! Nate was our very first hopeful to audition tonight that could actually sing, possess that star presence and be rather darn cute. Nate sang Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life" and earned himself a first class ticket to Hollywood. Earned it, as so many golden tickets were being given away tonight as if there were a surplus.

Our very first duet: Oscar and Haley. A puppet and a country chick, after being subjected to a juvenile ventriloquist act chocked full of yodeling. Haley was finally asked to ditch Oscar who was "holding her back" and was allowed to sing a solo. Haley sang, Keith Urban cheered, saying "baby you can sing." The vote was cast and it was a unanimous yes across the board from our judges, sending Haley, minus her partner, off to Hollywood.

Zoanette! Where do we start? The "hugger, lover and fighter" promised her family if she made it to the audition she'd sing the national anthem. Well, Zoanette did something with our national anthem, however not quite certain it was singing.

If Simon Cowell were here, Zoanette wouldn't have lasted two seconds beyond the point where she committed "Idol" suicide and forgot the lyrics. Forgetting the lyrics to the national anthem wasn't the worst thing that could happen during this horrid rendition, the worst thing that could happen is Zoanette got herself a ticket. We'll see her in Hollywood.

After a parade of tears, tears and more tears, just as soon as we thought it was clear and dry -- enters Anastacia with her tears, tears and more tears singing (I think it was singing, it all started to blur tonight) Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart." No ticket, wipe your face, blow your nose, goodbye.

Kayden the cutest little 16-year-old blonde haired blue eyed kid EVER enters the room. Born with Cystic Fibrosis and given a life expectancy of 35 years, in true "American Idol" fashion we were dished the sob story, built up for what would have to be an amazing performance but, found ourselves just a wee bit short for my liking, singing Stevie Wonder's "I Wish." e

Kayden was compared to a young Michael Jackson by Mariah I often ask, minus the sob story, is the talent enough? I'm sorry although a yes for the "Idol" judges; cute, charming and confident Kayden fell short for me but earned himself a golden ticket to Hollywood (proof that my votes apparently don't count.)

Afterward, we got a surprise visit by a dude that looked like a lady -- or a lady that looked like a dude? It's Steven Tyler in drag, on tonight to wish the judges good luck this season. He made a swift departure, but not before "mooning" the team! Thanks for that one Steven, they deserved it, the way this crew voted tonight.

Tonight, 45 hopefuls were given -- and I do mean given -- their golden tickets.

Couldn't quite sum up tonight's show, so I borrowed a line from an "Idol"fan, Brian Taylor, who called the shenanigans (Thanks Kara) "the good, the bad and the bizarre." Perfect!

Next week, finally ... time for some action -- we're in Hollywood. It's "Idol," baby!