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Veteran/model Alex Minsky (left) poses with contestant Nyle.
Veteran/model Alex Minsky (left) poses with contestant Nyle. (Patrick Wymore/ The CW)
The dramz got real this week between the guys and the girls. First, we learned that Devin, Mikey and Ashley have formed a clique called DMA.
I don’t know about you guys, but my friends and I haven’t named ourselves since high school. But, you know, extreme circumstances, I guess.
Anyways, we see Mikey and Ashley getting all romantic in a bubble bath with champagne, so that’s good for them.

And then Hadassah comes on the screen, spouting her crazy, beginning with, “I can’t be nice to everyone unless it’s, like, a benefit to me.” Then she decides that since Devin kinda sorta looks like a scarecrow, she and Bello should dress up like Dorothy and the Scarecrow from "The Wizard of Oz."
Of course, Bello was Dorothy. And Hadassah put some sunflowers on her head, so yeah, I guess she was the Scarecrow. Devin got real mad and told Hadassah, “I think you have a problem with people.” Uh, duh.

Side note: While all this is happening, Courtney is wearing purple lipstick, because she definitely needs to bring more attention to her mouth.

Anyway, Hadassah makes me rethink my feelings about her when she tells us her father left her family and finally has a real moment in the confessional. Maybe she’ll become a more sympathetic character as the show continues.

Meanwhile, a new villain is revealed as we learn that Stefano thinks everyone in the house is super unprofessional. OK, dude. Maybe try harder making friends?

The photo shoot

Once again, we find ourselves in a random location for the shoot. This week, it’s an army base, full of what Yu Tsai calls “fierce objects,” otherwise known as tanks.
Then we meet the guests for the shoot, two veterans who lost a leg in combat: paralympian Melissa Stockwell and model Alex Minsky. The models are met with the challenge of doing extreme poses alongside these veterans, who will presumably stand like normal people.

In the hair and makeup tent, we find out that special guest Joe Zee will be styling the shoot, and Devin reminds the camera that he’s, like, a really big deal in the fashion industry.

During the shoot, Devin gets a talking to from Yu Tsai, who reminds him that despite having been signed to multiple modeling agencies, Devin has yet to succeed.
Yu Tsai suggests that this is because Devin doesn’t know how to listen. Womp. But he still does his crazy eyebrow move and oddball jumping, and he kills the shoot. Sorry, Yu Tsai.

But then Hadassah reminds us that she is dead behind the eyes, which might be great for walking the stage as a pageant queen, but definitely does not work for a high fashion model.

Bello basically does a split, and Dustin can’t stop laughing during his shoot. Yu Tsai is so over Dustin and his Midwestern good looks.

Mamé, our Miss Maryland, rocks her time in front of the camera, per usual, and Nyle manages to make harem pants look good.

Back at the house, Stefano tells the camera that he has nothing to worry about, because, “I’m extremely good looking and I know that.” Good luck with that, bro.

Makeovers

Oddly enough, Nyle wonders aloud through his text-to-speech app when the makeovers are going to happen. Well, Nyle, they’re happening RIGHT NOW. And Hadassah, unsurprisingly, is not pleased.

I know what you’re thinking: Can they please just fix Courtney’s teeth and be done with it? Well, hold tight, little one.

We’re at the salon, and hairstylist Cristophe and Miss J lower the hammer. Devin’s head is shaved, and he looks a million times better. Lacey is assigned a “chic bowl cut.” I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but she basically got a mod shaggy bob.

Ava, unfortunately, gets the “model mullet,” which means they basically chopped that poor girl’s hair up. I guess they thought that was very punk rock, but she looks like she went through a wood chipper.

Courtney gets her teeth whitened, thank goodness, and goes “model gray,” which turned out to be more greenish ombre and less Kelly Osbourne gray. Turns out Courtney wasn’t a regular teeth-brusher. She reveals this during judging when she tells Tyra that having white teeth makes her want to brush them all the time. It only took 20-something years for that to click. But more on the judging later.

Ashley got the “Ty Ty Chop.” 2 things: Tyra Banks now refers to herself as Ty Ty, which is a blatant rip-off of Taylor Swift’s Tay Tay, if you ask me.
And second, they basically chopped off all of Ashley’s hair to match Ty Ty, who is currently rocking a Halle Berry-esque do.

Bello got about 3 feet of hair extensions, and Mamé got curls on curls on curls. Seriously, her hair is huge right now, and I kind of love it.

Justin gets a faux hawk. He worries that he looks like a K-Pop star, and he kinda does. But it’s not a bad thing.

Stefano got a “floppy do,” meaning now his hair flops over his face and is highlighted blonde. ('90s much?)

Mikey just gets a trim (BORING), and he says it makes him look like his sister (uhhh). Then, DUN DUN DUN, Hadassah is getting half of her head shaved. Or is she? She can’t decide!

She immediately starts crying upon finding out her fate, and tells everyone within earshot that she can no longer compete in pageants if she shaves half her head. Her career will be over!
But then Miss J tells her that those veterans they met yesterday lost legs, so losing some hair is NBD. Even Hadassah can’t be that big of a jerk, so she goes through with it.

While this was all going down, Mamé is basically like, “Psh if anyone in this house is the pageant girl, I’M the pageant girl,” since she’s going to Miss USA right when she’s done with this whole "America’s Next Top Model" business. And that makes her my new hero.

The elimination

Miss J is sporting a granny look, complete with gray hair and knitting needles. Kelly Cutrone seems extra crazy tonight, saying things like, “bring your energy to her energy,” and telling Hadassah that she’s, “a whole lot of work for not a lot of payoff.” Cold, Kelly, that’s cold. But Hadassah’s face is completely blurry in her best photo, so it’s valid, I guess.

Devin teaches Tyra, queen of modeling, a new pose called the “bird of paradise,” or sexy shush, if we’re going to call it like it is. And the judges, after finding out that Mikey and Ashley are an item, as are Mamé and Justin, talk extensively about the swirl.
Admittedly, I had to google “the swirl.” It sounds dirty, but it’s not. It’s safe to google at work.

The best part, though, happens while the models are waiting for the judges to tally their scores. Hadassah is once again complaining about having to shave her head, when Nyle’s text-to-speech app breaks the monotony.

“I just want to say that you all are complaining about hair, hair hair. Am I complaining about my deafness? No I am not. You are complaining about something so simple.”

Burn.

Back with Tyra, Ava wins best photo, and then it’s down to Hadassah and Stefano. I was really concerned that Hadassah would go home immediately after shaving her head, but Stefano got the boot. New highlights and all.

Will Ava be able to pull off the model mullet? Will we learn more fun slang? Tune in next week to find out!

twitter: @shortybop
instagram: @itsamandamustard
dribbble: @AmandaMustard
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