Don’t shed a tear for Harry Potter. Sure, the last film in the blockbuster saga opens this weekend. But you’ll always have the books and the DVDs. Or you can write sexy Potter fan fiction. Or you can just use Twitter to keep up with your favorite Harry Potter characters (or, um, “interesting” versions of them). Here are our four must-follows.
Harry Potter, @daboiwholived
Who: Uh, Harry Potter
Why you should follow him: This is an oddly street-smart Harry, who proclaims he “grew up in da hood of Privet Drive” and advocates for “FOUR LOKO ALL DAY ERRRDAY.” Dumbledore may not approve of his language or his frequent use of the hashtag #prettyboiswag. Think: Ali G meets boy wizard.
Common conversation topics: Getting himself (and others) wasted; hating on Hufflepuffs; stalking the female bathrooms
Choice tweet: “All Da Witches Swoon When I Wave Mah Wand.”
Lord Voldemort, @Lord_Voldemort7
Who: That dude who wants to kill Harry. And almost everyone else.
Why you should follow him: Because he’s “apparating in your windows. Snatching your people up.” The Dark Lord is hilariously evil — and tuned into news (the Casey Anthony verdict, gay marriage) and pop culture (shout-outs to Darren Criss and “Boy Meets World”). Plus, we’re afraid NOT to follow the guy.
Common conversation topics: Murder; how stupid people are; Dumbledore hatred; general misanthropy
Choice tweet: “Anybody who wants a ‘virtual hug’ needs an actual life.”
Sirius Black, @SiriusBlack32
Who: Harry’s godfather, ex-con, dead
Why you should follow him: We (and pretty much every Potterphile) have a soft spot in our heart reserved for Sirius (even if he’s a little vain, calling himself dashing and charming in his Twitter profile). Plus, props to a dude who’s dead and tweets.
Common conversation topics: Quotes from other Potter characters and excellent uses of odd hashtags (ex: “Killed by drapery” #wordsthatdescribeme).
Choice tweet: “#dontlookatmeif your dog ended up pregnant and you don’t know how it happened.”
Bellatrix Lestrange, @THE_BELLATRIX
Who: Mentally unstable Death Eater whose first love was Voldemort. Yikes.
Why you should follow her: For the evil. Says she finds it “amusing” to do the following to Muggles: “torture them, skin them and dress my house elves in their skins.” Also, actually suggests keeping salt on hand to treat open wounds.
Common conversation topics: How awesome Draco Malfoy is (she is his aunt after all); narcissism; her family’s legacy
Choice tweet: “There was a point in my life a few years back at which I believed I could become no more cynical and antisocial. I was incorrect.”
Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. Email him at email@example.com or follow him or Twitter, @jordanbartel