Most 20-somethings, including myself, are occupied by romantic relationships.

We spend every hour of every day trying to make intimate bonds work, and we too often forget about civility within a very pertinent group of people — our families.

I was born into a close-knit family, where we joke endlessly and share many memories over a few spiked drinks.

My family is full of large and ruthless personalities. They will turn any of life's misfortunes into comedy hour. Nothing's ever taken too seriously.

Unfortunately, I know a plethora of people who can only ponder such a connection.

About two weeks ago, I read a status posted on Facebook by my good friend "S," whom I met in college. It talked about disputing charges on your credit card and she listed some of the things she'd gotten wiped off. With student loans and some other late payments under my belt, I read intently, wanting to learn whatever she could teach.

There, I noticed two girls bickering back and forth with her, stating how classless and immoral her actions were.

It took everything in me to not hop into the conversation and call them a few choice words.

I quickly dialed her number, wanting to find out what the commotion was all about.

She told me that those furious naysayers were her cousins and that there has been a vicious disconnect within her family for years.

"My extended family is very large. My grandmother has over 20 grandchildren," she said. "[We're] not as close anymore. Ever since my grandpa died years ago, my family has drifted apart."

I thought back to our semesters in school and I remembered "S" never going home. Every winter and spring break, she'd be cooped up in her dorm cell, surfing idly on her computer or watching reality TV.

I persuaded her to come home with me one Thanksgiving. I just couldn't fathom stuffing my face with turkey and fixings while she blew the heat off a hot cup of noodles.

"S" is from Charles County and when she decided to trade in the rural life for the bustling city, she received little family support.

"Before I went to college, I was told that my mom would never be able to afford to let me go," she said. Irritation permeated her voice when telling me about a discussion six years ago.

She took her family's pessimism and used it as fuel to prove them all wrong. She had subconsciously become a part of a decades-old competition.

"Nobody really likes to admit it, but in my family [jealousy] is very relevant and clear. Everyone always competes with each other," she said. "If someone buys a house, the next person has to buy an even bigger house."

That explained the Facebook feud. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why her own family would publicly attack her over something so minuscule. Since she graduated, she said she has felt even more resistance from her family, especially from her argumentative cousins.

"I was the first to graduate [from college], and now that I have my degree, I feel like everyone is acting some sort of way and I get a bad vibe," she said.

I tried to do more listening than talking, but my journalistic instinct was in full swing. I asked her what the ideal family dynamic would be for her. She responded quickly, "A family that supports each other and builds each other up would be great." She continued, "We can spend more time trying not to gossip and judge one another on faults and character flaws. I would be more than willing to actually listen to their advice if I didn't feel like I was going to be talked about."

I've come to realize that people who don't have a sound family foundation look to their friends to fill that void.

The day I saw "S" verbally assaulted, I instantly jumped into defense mode, the way I would if my own sister were in her shoes.

In fact, "S" is my sister. Nobody, even her own blood, better mess with her.

Zahara Johnson's column appears regularly in b.