February, thanks to one pesky holiday, carries with it a pink, perfume-y — and often suffocating — cloud of romance obsession. This year, though Valentine's Day has already come and gone, I propose we flip the script and focus on every girl's true first love: her best friends.
Before boys seemed cute and hormones were a thing, the closest confidant many girls could ever imagine needing was her best friend(s). They were the people with whom we invented elaborate games and dances, who knew our every secret, who were by our side for every birthday and special occasion.
The bond among friends evolves with age but remains a captivating force unlike any other. Each stage of life, if we're lucky, can be marked by a new realm of friendship, either with longtime companions or ones we've gained along the way.
But in this newest stage of novice adulthood, I'm realizing that there's a larger void in my female friendships than I've ever really felt before. Between work, a serious relationship and other various real world responsibilities, my girlfriends — or really any friends — have been less of a priority.
My boyfriend and I were friends before we started dating, so he has continued to fill that role throughout our relationship. It also doesn't help that most of my friends are now scattered across the country, with their own new responsibilities to contend with. And all of my roommates during my last two years of college were male, so my estrogen-filled relationships haven't been at peak levels in a while.
I'm a strong supporter of having guy friends, and believe they can breed equally fulfilling companionships. Ultimately, gender shouldn't be a determining factor in choosing friendships. However, lately I've found myself longing for that bond I've always felt with my best girlfriends.
I can list off every cliche in the book about putting your girls before romantic relationships, but it's much more nuanced than that. Significant others and friends can never — or should never — compete head-to-head. They're on two completely different playing fields.
So while it may feel like my boyfriend is often winning out in terms of time and attention, he can never fulfill the role that girls — or, more accurately these days, women — have and will play in my life.
I am fortunate to know many wonderful women who are doing amazing things. Together we've experienced heartbreak and depression, graduations and new beginnings, reckless adventures and endless laughter. And now we're going through the process of becoming the people we once imagined as we stayed up late daydreaming about the future.
However, in that process, these relationships can get pushed aside for more immediate needs. The harsh truth is that friendship takes much more work as we get older. There are fewer naturally created social gatherings, longer distances between one another and more responsibilities competing for your attention.
But recent events have made me realize how important it is to make that extra effort for those you care about. With so much confusion and change in my world right now, I can't imagine that making the strong women in my life a bigger priority would be anything but positive.
So while there's no official holiday for female friendships (unless you count the brilliant, but fictitious Leslie Knope's Galentine's Day on "Parks and Recreation"), carve out some time with your girl friends to celebrate your bond with one another. It's certainly worth the recognition.
Ellen Fishel's column appears regularly in b.