Like most supporters of President Donald Trump, I have the good sense to know when I’m being flimflammed by liberal media nincompoops.
I expect such flimflammery from the likes of Fake News CNN and Even Faker News MSNBC, but now I see it coming from my beloved news network of choice: Fox News.
That’s right. The network I believed I could trust to always tell me President Trump is beloved by all Americans and has never made even a minor mistake has suddenly pumped out outrageous misinformation that it refers to as “a poll.”
This so-called poll, released Sunday, alleges that the greatest U.S. president in history — Donald J. Trump, long may he reign — is looked on negatively by 53 percent of Americans and is polling neck-and-neck with some smartypants DEMONcrat mayor from South Bend, Ind.
Yeah, right. Nobody I interact with on pro-Trump Facebook pages or talk to during weekly meetings of my gun club’s Hillary for Prison Committee ever has a negative thing to say about the president. How dumb does Fox News think I were?
Here, if you can believe it, is more obviously made-up information from this FAKE POLL Fox News put out:
— 50 percent of “Americans” think the Trump campaign coordinated with Russia in the 2016 election, up from 44 percent in March.
— 50 percent of people polled think Trump should either be impeached and removed from office or impeached but not removed.
— 54 percent of apparent knuckleheads think the Trump administration should be more cooperative with ongoing congressional investigations, and only 11 percent think the administration should be less cooperative.
— If the election were held today, 49 percent of people would vote for Joe Biden and 39 percent would vote for Trump.
— If the choice were Bernie Sanders, 49 percent would vote for him and 40 percent would vote for Trump.
— Elizabeth Warren beats Trump 43 percent to 41 percent.
— Kamala Harris beats Trump 42 percent to 41 percent.
— South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg beats Trump 41 percent to 40 percent.
— If Trump were reelected, 50 percent of respondents said they would be either “displeased” or “scared.”
THESE ARE OUTRAGEOUS LIES!!
You expect phony poll results from the Amazon Washington Post or the Failing New York Times. But coming from Fox News? It’s just unacceptable. Even if the poll is accurate — and I know it’s not because I don’t want it to be — Fox News should know better than to report such a thing.
I know some of you are saying, “Rex, the president is a great and honest man who has done more in the first two years of his presidency than any other president in history and, possibly, more than any other world leader in history, but how can you be so certain these poll results are made-up and that we should give Fox News the nickname Lyin’ Fox News?”
To which I say, “It’s simple.” I just apply the same accuracy test President Trump has used since he took office and throughout his amazingly successful business career:
Does the information make Trump look bad in any way, shape or form? If the answer is yes, the information is made-up and the people behind that information are dishonest dopes jealous of Trump’s incredible abilities and good looks.
I know Trump is infallible because all information to the contrary is deeply flawed, the work of shrill liberals who want to destroy America. Duh.
Just look at how the president handled recent reports about leaked internal polling data from his reelection campaign that showed him running well behind Biden in the key swing states of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Florida and barely ahead of Biden in Texas.
In an interview with ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos, Trump sensibly denied the existence of those garbage numbers.
“Nobody showed you those polls because those polls don’t exist, George. Those polls don’t exist,” Trump said.
And that was completely true, until Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale confirmed to ABC News that the leaked poll numbers were real. That was a smart move, as I’m sure Trump told Parscale to contradict him and the president is always one step ahead of everyone.
Parscale said those bad polling numbers are old and don’t count, so that technically means they don’t exist, which we already knew because Trump said they don’t exist. And besides, we know anything that makes Trump look bad is fake.
This stuff isn’t complicated, folks.
The Trump campaign responded to these nonexistent, don’t-count, old, imaginary leaked polls over the weekend by cutting ties with three members of its polling team. That was also a smart move. And now the president and his supporters MUST take the same approach with Fox News, as the network is equally guilty of reporting polling data that makes the president look bad.
Fox News has apparently decided to join the rest of the mainstream media and engage in PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT by publishing nonfawning information about Trump, and that kind of dishonesty cannot go unpunished.
As we await the glorious kickoff of Trump’s 2020 reelection campaign Tuesday in Orlando, Florida, I call on all devoted MAGA supporters to join me in calling for Fox News to be SHUT DOWN.
It’s clear the network can’t be trusted, and I hope President Trump will order his attorneys at the Department of Justice to investigate and possibly prosecute everyone who works there except for Sean Hannity.
Until further notice, I encourage all patriots to get their news only from my Hillary for Prison Committee’s weekly newsletter.
Thank you, and may God bless President Trump, whose favorability rating is currently 199 percent and who, if the election were today, would beat Sleepy Joe Biden eleventy-billion to zero.