What the (BLEEP) just happened? Rex Huppke's 'Week In Review'

President Donald Trump was roasted for his ill-fitting tux at a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth II, first lady Melania Trump, Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, at Buckingham Palace in London on June 3, 2019.

Humanity somehow managed to survive another week. But like most animate objects, I’m suffering news whiplash and wondering aloud: “What the (BLEEP) just happened?”

Trump invades Europe, destroys all remaining norms of decency


The Trump family stormed London this week like an evil version of the Clampetts from “The Beverly Hillbillies.”

With ill-fitting tuxes and mean tweets and weird fist bumps, the Trumps, led by our incurious and norm-eviscerating president, gave the royal family a taste of what nonbrainwashed Americans have had to endure since Jan. 20, 2017.


President Donald Trump used his downtime during the trip to: repeatedly insult the mayor of London; deny that he described Meghan Markle, the American-born Duchess of Sussex, as “nasty” despite a recording of the interview; lie about the number of people protesting his visit, despite all video evidence to the contrary; say he “was never a fan” of the Vietnam War (which he got out of serving in) because it was “very far away”; say he was “making up for” not serving in the military by now spending taxpayer money on building up the military; and insult special counsel Robert Mueller, a Vietnam War veteran, and Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi while sitting for an interview near the graves of American soldiers in Normandy, France.

The president then went on to funnel more taxpayer money into his own pocket by staying at the Trump International golf resort in Doonbeg, Ireland.

This being president stuff must be fun if you have no sense of history or decorum and an ego the size of Big Ben!

Former Mayor Rahm Emanuel to take daily money baths

Cementing his legacy as a man not-of-the-people, former Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel joined a Wall Street investment firm that will allow him to spend more time with former campaign donors, wealthy friends and, I assume, bathtubs filled with money.

Emanuel will open a Chicago office of Centerview Partners, which does expensive things for people who already have lots of money but still want more.

In a company statement, Centerview co-founder Blair Effron said: “Rahm’s leadership and vast experience providing strategic advice, coupled with a track record of successful planning and execution, will bring tremendous value to our firm and our clients.”


Straight dudes gonna get together and have a parade and whatnot

The Boulder of Horrible Ideas was engraved with a new entry this week, as a group of sad, lonely men found a way to make themselves even sadder and lonelier by announcing plans for a “straight pride” parade in Boston.

This idea was rightfully lampooned by everyone except those who also wanted to be lampooned, like Fox News’ Tomi Lahren. She embraced the idea and said: “Don’t forget, it is open season on straight white men in this country, and y’all aren’t allowed to celebrate your straightness.”

That’s an excellent point, person best known for posting a picture of herself with a handgun tucked in her yoga pants.

But I’m afraid I’ll have to sit out the celebration-of-straightness event, tentatively scheduled for August. I’m suffering from insufficient male insecurity.

Hopefully there’s a pill for that.


Rich people OK with racism and light kidnapping head to Wrigley!

A group of high-profile Republicans, including President Donald Trump’s acting chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, will be whooping it up and raising buckets of money for the president’s reelection campaign this weekend in Chicago.

And they’ll be helped mightily by Cubs co-owner Todd Ricketts, who’s hosting a reception for the donors at Wrigley Field, making it the first Major League Baseball organization to effectively say, “Hey, what’s a little demonizing immigrants and separating children from their families at the border between friends?”

Ricketts is finance chair of the Trump Victory Committee.

By opening up Wrigley Field to a campaign event for Trump, I’ll assume the Cubs organization now supports: banning transgender people from serving in the military; making it easier for adoption agencies to reject same-sex couples; lying incessantly; denying climate change; and calling American journalists “the enemy of the people.”

Friendly Confines, indeed.


‘Jeopardy!’ is now (largely) a Chicagoans-only show

Naperville-native James Holzhauer’s captivating win streak on the game show “Jeopardy!” was ended this week … by another person from the Chicago area.

Emma Boettcher lives on the North Side and works as a librarian at the University of Chicago. In the episode that aired Monday, she defeated Holzhauer, demonstrating that the show will, from here on out, be dominated by Chicagoans, and everyone else should just bug off.

A contestant not from Chicago refused to bug off on Thursday and wound up beating the 27-year-old Boettcher. But don’t worry. That person will soon be brought down by another Chicago-area brainiac — I’m sure of it

Boettcher earned nearly $100,000 in her brief run. Taking into account recent Illinois tax increases, her take-home money will be about $3.75. Congratulations!